Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
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Anonymous
| Headed for our first weeklong vacation rental w DHs family in two weeks. Got good tips from a thread on this a few weeks ago, and also wanted to see if anyone has tips for when there is an income gap between adult siblings. Everyone in family is great, except for MILs 2nd husband, money has never been an issue. MIL (whose idea this was) is paying for house rental, and siblings are splitting food costs and meal responsibilities. There’s a morning sailing cruise nearby that costs $50 per adult that I would like to do, but DH says it would be weird for me to offer to pay for everyone. Is it obnoxious if my nuclear family just goes, then? I don’t want to seem like I am flaunting wealth, nor do I want to seem like I’m not chipping in a fair share. For background, our HHI is $500k and household is 2 adults 2 small kids. DH’s sibling’s HHI is probably around 100k, maybe 120, and there are two teenage kids from previous relationship plus 2 young kids. There is also a third sibling who is in between, wealth-wise, and expecting a first child in the fall. Again, everyone is great and gets along well, but we have also never been together like this for a week with shared expenses. I wish there was a way to invisibly pay for things, but I can’t think of one. I think I am just going to try to lay as low as possible and split everything equally. Anyone have any hard-earned wisdom to share? |
Anonymous
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I think it’s fine to invite everyone to the sailing thing. The key is to make it clear when it’s your treat. Offering to pay for the cruise upfront is a nice gesture.
I think splitting expenses is a good way to go so everyone is comfortable. |
Anonymous
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Please stop focusing on other people’s incomes. And don’t go into this thinking that vacationing together means doing everything together. We’ve gone on trips with close friends. We did not spend every meal or activity together even though we were all under the same roof.
If you want to go sailing, do it. This week, send an email out to everyone saying that you’re booking a trip for you, Bob and the kids for Tuesday morning. “If anyone else is interested in the same trip or other excursions, here is the link.” That way folks can opt in or out on their own. |
Anonymous
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I also think it’s fine to pay as long as you make it clear it’s your treat.
If I made $500k my greatest joy would bring my awesome family on great experiences. How to handle it - ask everyone if they want to go and let them know it’s your treat. No need for them to know how much it is. |
Anonymous
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“Hey fam I’ve chartered a boat for us Tuesday morning.”
But also... everyone in your family makes a decent income and can pay $50 a head for an activity if they choose. You’re overthinking. |
Anonymous
This! |
Anonymous
| Just do it but let them know its your treat. Sometimes I’ll say I found amazing deal or ‘won’ in a silent auction but I present it low key. The one thing I try to do if I’ gifting is to as much as possible make sure it fits in with everyone’s schedule and interests. |
Anonymous
| The above suggestions are good, but ultimately it’s your husband’s call. It’s his family and he knows the dynamics and nuances best. |
Anonymous
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Invite everyone to go with you then they can decide to go or do something else.
If they mention they'd love it but can't afford it then perhaps your husband could offer to pay and say it's a treat on you guys. |
Anonymous
| I’ve had this experience. Just offer to treat everyone - if they want to go and feel uncomfortable with letting you pay, they can either insist on paying or ‘treat’ you to something else (like a cheaper activity later in the week). You can even say ‘we’d love to take everyone - larla and larlo would love to have their cousins with them on this excursion.’ |
Anonymous
| I think you should follow your husband’s lead. It sounds like everyone is doing okay so you may be overthinking a $50 excursion. |
Anonymous
| Don't assume what other people's vacation budgets are. I earn $85K and when I recently went on vacation with my sibling and her family who earn over a quarter million, I budgeted to spend $200 on random things that might come up. |
Anonymous
| You are overthinking this. Send an email saying your family is going on this sight seeing cruise. Tell them that if anyone else wants to go, let you/DH know so you guys can purchase tickets. |
Anonymous
| I would probably just buy the tickets ahead of time and present it like a group excursion you’re treating everyone to. |
Anonymous
| Treating all those people will be very expensive. Just send a link. They can opt in or out. Some people don’t like sailing. |