Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think it’s fine to pay as long as you make it clear it’s your treat.

If I made $500k my greatest joy would bring my awesome family on great experiences.

How to handle it - ask everyone if they want to go and let them know it’s your treat. No need for them to know how much it is.

We make $500k, after taxes it is $250k and after nanny, LD school, mortgage, retirement, 529s, food, kid camps and sports we aren't saving much.

I would not start the precedent of paying for costly activities for people. Especially if my husband said it would be weird. (weird why, because you are assuming people don't spend their own money on their summer vacation?).

Oh puh-lease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see what he big deal is. “I want to go sailing. I chartered a boat. Room for more. Does anyone want to join me. My treat.”

My family does this all the time on family outings no matter the activity.

I am going to the beach. Anyone want to go?

I want to see a move. I would love company. My treat - who’s in.

We all take turns making dinner - usually go out at least once. We have lots of income differences. Those that are well off usually pay for a bit more (buy alcohol - pay for appetizer) or charter a boat if they want. No one feels obligated to go one the boat Those with more more money seem to feel good about doing something nice.

Besides it is not fun to charter a boat and go by yourself.

I'm with you. This is exactly my family.

I would do this too, but when I've tried to, my weirdo brother gets all offended and has a temper tantrum. With some families, it's not so easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think it’s fine to pay as long as you make it clear it’s your treat.

If I made $500k my greatest joy would bring my awesome family on great experiences.

How to handle it - ask everyone if they want to go and let them know it’s your treat. No need for them to know how much it is.

We make $500k, after taxes it is $250k and after nanny, LD school, mortgage, retirement, 529s, food, kid camps and sports we aren't saving much.

I would not start the precedent of paying for costly activities for people. Especially if my husband said it would be weird. (weird why, because you are assuming people don't spend their own money on their summer vacation?).

Oh puh-lease.

529s and retirement ARE saving.

[Anonymous]

I agree with previous posters that you should heed your husband's comments about his family dynamic. I have a large immediate family with significant income differentials and we often have trouble with our occasional group vacations. Our parents, now deceased, could not contribute $/cover costs in any event, which might have made subsidized costs palatable. Getting a "free ride" from a sibling just doesn't sit right with everyone. A few years ago, for example, I chipped in to cover beach rental costs for my younger sister, who was experiencing financial difficulties as a young parent. Even now, many years later, it comes up once and awhile and clearly still bothers her (and she doesn't even know it was ME paying the difference, just that the "group" covered for her). Both she and her husband would far prefer that we just took cheaper vacations or planned shorter get-togethers at someone's house. Other siblings have to travel further and want to make sure their travels costs and vacation usage are "worth it" and don't want to hang out at someone's backyard pool, sleeping on the floor in the family room. It's truly a balancing act, and everybody isn't always happy. In your scenario, I would suggest letting the group know that you and your spouse/kids are interested in organizing a boating excursion and include the website. If the $50 is too steep for some, they can ignore and plan something they'd prefer in their budget range. The turnout may be smaller but nobody's pride would be injured.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts and especially thanks to those who shared their experiences. I think I’ll take the group consensus and casually raise the boat trip idea and see if others want to go, assuming they will pay their own way.

New but related question: as I said in my post, each family is responsible for preparing two dinners to be eaten at the house. I don’t know what anyone’s meal planning is at this point aside from MILs, who is bringing a lasagna she cooked from home for the first night. It’s not weird or obnoxious to get take out or delivery for one of the nights, right?

[Anonymous]

PS ask me about MILs 2nd husband sometime!

[Anonymous]

No it's not weird to get take out or delivery for one of the nights. Just don't over think everything. Relax and try to have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop focusing on other people’s incomes. And don’t go into this thinking that vacationing together means doing everything together. We’ve gone on trips with close friends. We did not spend every meal or activity together even though we were all under the same roof.

If you want to go sailing, do it. This week, send an email out to everyone saying that you’re booking a trip for you, Bob and the kids for Tuesday morning. “If anyone else is interested in the same trip or other excursions, here is the link.” That way folks can opt in or out on their own.

ITA Vacations don't mean spending 24/7 together. And the email idea is perfect.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound exhausting to vacation with TBH. For the sake of your ILs, go on the sail boat alone & give them a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound exhausting to vacation with TBH. For the sake of your ILs, go on the sail boat alone & give them a break.

Maybe I will...

[Anonymous]

If you want to do something nice, you could offer to take the two teens. They might appreciate an outing and it will seem a little less “just my nuclear family”and more “taking the kids on a fun outing.”