Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings

[Anonymous]

I would never allow my family members to pay for such a thing. Super awkward to say the least. It’s almost like going on a outing with your childhood friend and the other kids parent is paying for everything. Fine as kids but not for adults. High income level or not.

[Anonymous]

It seems like people are stuck on the amount of $50 per person. That cost isn't too far off of what it costs to take everyone out to dinner and pay for it, especially in a vacation or resort type of town. I think you should suggest the activity as your treat and let anyone who wants to attend tell you. Seems like the trip would be a blast and certainly will form long-lasting memories for everyone who participates.

[Anonymous]

Treat them - someone else is paying for the house so this will be your "special treat".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treat them - someone else is paying for the house so this will be your "special treat".

Here is the problem with treating them: Not everybody may be as enthralled with this sailing trip as OP. For some, it might sound hot, sunburny, and boring. OP needs to make sure people can happily opt out if they want, and she needs to be prepared to absorb the cost of that, if there is one.

[Anonymous]

I remain confused why so many people are giving OP advice that disregards DH opinion when it is his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remain confused why so many people are giving OP advice that disregards DH opinion when it is his family.

… because she ASKED for advice??? She came on, posted her query and people are responding. We could ignore her if that would make you feel better ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remain confused why so many people are giving OP advice that disregards DH opinion when it is his family.

… because she ASKED for advice??? She came on, posted her query and people are responding. We could ignore her if that would make you feel better ...

Well, it seems like the right advice is to follow her husband’s view on this.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see what he big deal is. “I want to go sailing. I chartered a boat. Room for more. Does anyone want to join me. My treat.”

My family does this all the time on family outings no matter the activity.

I am going to the beach. Anyone want to go?

I want to see a move. I would love company. My treat - who’s in.

We all take turns making dinner - usually go out at least once. We have lots of income differences. Those that are well off usually pay for a bit more (buy alcohol - pay for appetizer) or charter a boat if they want. No one feels obligated to go one the boat Those with more more money seem to feel good about doing something nice.

Besides it is not fun to charter a boat and go by yourself.

[Anonymous]

No doubt you flaunt your wealth. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Op, YOU thinking about wealth so much probably shines through. That is far worse than any one particular decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Headed for our first weeklong vacation rental w DHs family in two weeks. Got good tips from a thread on this a few weeks ago, and also wanted to see if anyone has tips for when there is an income gap between adult siblings. Everyone in family is great, except for MILs 2nd husband, money has never been an issue. MIL (whose idea this was) is paying for house rental, and siblings are splitting food costs and meal responsibilities. There’s a morning sailing cruise nearby that costs $50 per adult that I would like to do, but DH says it would be weird for me to offer to pay for everyone. Is it obnoxious if my nuclear family just goes, then? I don’t want to seem like I am flaunting wealth, nor do I want to seem like I’m not chipping in a fair share. For background, our HHI is $500k and household is 2 adults 2 small kids. DH’s sibling’s HHI is probably around 100k, maybe 120, and there are two teenage kids from previous relationship plus 2 young kids. There is also a third sibling who is in between, wealth-wise, and expecting a first child in the fall. Again, everyone is great and gets along well, but we have also never been together like this for a week with shared expenses. I wish there was a way to invisibly pay for things, but I can’t think of one. I think I am just going to try to lay as low as possible and split everything equally. Anyone have any hard-earned wisdom to share?

Just go with your spouse and kids. No one should whine or bat an eye. If they want to go to, they can get their own tickets. Happens all the time on long family vacations - people pick and choose what to do sometimes and see enough of each other at cook outs, the pool, the ocean, walking around, playing.
No problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop focusing on other people’s incomes. And don’t go into this thinking that vacationing together means doing everything together. We’ve gone on trips with close friends. We did not spend every meal or activity together even though we were all under the same roof.

If you want to go sailing, do it. This week, send an email out to everyone saying that you’re booking a trip for you, Bob and the kids for Tuesday morning. “If anyone else is interested in the same trip or other excursions, here is the link.” That way folks can opt in or out on their own.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think it’s fine to pay as long as you make it clear it’s your treat.

If I made $500k my greatest joy would bring my awesome family on great experiences.

How to handle it - ask everyone if they want to go and let them know it’s your treat. No need for them to know how much it is.

We make $500k, after taxes it is $250k and after nanny, LD school, mortgage, retirement, 529s, food, kid camps and sports we aren't saving much.

I would not start the precedent of paying for costly activities for people. Especially if my husband said it would be weird. (weird why, because you are assuming people don't spend their own money on their summer vacation?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is fine to offer to treat, just make it clear that you are treating. This is how mu husbands family works. One set of siblings insists on paying for a house for a long weekend and will not accept money. So someone else pays for a meal, and we offer to pay for an activity. If anyone was strapped for cash, they would just suggest they cover something less expensive, like bring bagels or something.

reminds me of when I lived in Japan for 5 years where you have to one-up everyone who gets you a gift. Year 1 I got a fancy umbrella, but then was gifted an even fancier wallet. But year 5 I was having to give full blown designer hand bags. As was the culture.

[Anonymous]

I would skip it.