If you've been betrayed/cheated on, how do you "get over it"?

[Anonymous]

My husband cheated. Lied to me for months, put me physically at risk, and spent our $$$ on other women. There were plenty of red flags, but I didn't see them, and I was shocked when I found out. It was a long marriage, and one day everything changed.

Our marriage is over, and logistically I'm moving on. I'm newly divorced and moved with the children to a new neighborhood. I'm exercising, meditating, eating healthy, seeing friends, leaning on my support system, and dealing with work and being a single mom (~90% custody) as best I can. I'm not ready to date.

But every day I still have a pit in my stomach. The betrayal cut very deeply.

For those of you who have experienced this before, when can I expect to feel "normal" again? What helped you recover?

[Anonymous]

I’m two years out from leaving, three years out since finding out - not sure I’ll ever really get over it. It’s an awful betrayal. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Cheating has nothing to do with me, nor would abuse or addiction.

I don't take it personally. I chose a partner and he did not live up to my expectations. I actually am not even mad, he is flawed. I didn't expect perfection but his imperfection was something I decided I did not want to live with.

I never say "why me" when things happen that are negative, I think... "why not me".

What makes me so special that I will go through life without being hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating has nothing to do with me, nor would abuse or addiction.

I don't take it personally. I chose a partner and he did not live up to my expectations. I actually am not even mad, he is flawed. I didn't expect perfection but his imperfection was something I decided I did not want to live with.

I never say "why me" when things happen that are negative, I think... "why not me".

What makes me so special that I will go through life without being hurt.

I love this mindset. I wasn’t married to him but had a long term boyfriend who cheated and got the other woman pregnant. Not the same as a marriage, I know, but a deep betrayal nonetheless. To me, every person is their own person and no man I dated from that relationship forward deserved to be penalized for the misdeeds of my ex. I think it’s shitty to do that and blame it on trust issues. See a therapist, do what you have to, but above all realize 1) it’s not your fault and 2) it’s not the fault of anyone who might be in your future, either.

[Anonymous]

It took me two whole years to start feeling a semblance of normal. I’m three years out and life is very, very good. Time really does heal.

[Anonymous]

My mom got divorced in 1972, and she's not over it. Still totally full of rage and spends her time brooding about my dad (who had multiple wives after her).

Lesson: don't be my mom and let the bastard live rent-free in your head for 47 years.

[Anonymous]

Take your time, you are doing all the right things.
Don't jump into a new relationship and claim you are healed and over your ex like my friend did just months after being cheated on.

You will be okay

[Anonymous]

I think the key is moving on quickly. Admittedly, I did major payback which was quite therapeutic. Then immersed myself in travel, hobbies, and dated again.

It does make me mad when I hear about friends and acquaintances that are being cheated on. If asked I tell them to make sure they find out right away, and document. Don't stick your head in the sand. Next get tested if they are cheating. In most cases it's best to leave, but I've known some older women in which finances would make a big difference. If you've been cheated on the relationship is always over, even if you stay.

[Anonymous]

My fiance cheated on me, showed remorse, I forgave and we have been married 18 years. I get the urge, we are all human, and to be honest, it stung at the time but I don't think about it much.

[Anonymous]

It took a long time.

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

[Anonymous]

Time, plus bigger disasters to worry about happened.

[Anonymous]

What is a pit in your stomach? A cherry pit? Peach pit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a pit in your stomach? A cherry pit? Peach pit?

Google is your friend when you're not familiar with a word or saying.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/amp/english/pit-of-your-stomach

pit of your stomach
the part of the body in which people say they feel fear or nervousness:

I got a sick feeling/a knot in the pit of my stomach when the news of the attack was announced.

[Anonymous]

I divorced ten years ago over cheating after ten years of marriage and two kids. I had an infant at the time.

I still have not gotten over it.

My mom kicked my dad out over cheating 33 years ago. She's still not over it.

I'm not sure you ever really get over it.