our beloved 14 year old dog only has two months to live....we need advice

[Anonymous]

Our absolutely beloved 14 year old dog has about 2 months to live. Our kids are 13 (boy) and 11 (hypersensitive girl). Concurrently, my beloved Dad, my kids Grandfather and all of our shining light has limited time as well. I desperately need advice on how to parent this. My girlfriends, husband and a good bottle of wine will get me through...…...somehow.....but how can I be a good Mom to my kids to navigate this first, oh so permanent loss? For our dog, how much do we tell them? How involved do we make them? They have no idea we just got the news tonite that the scans show a massive loss on his spleen and possible internal bleeding...….praying for mercy, please...how did you get your family through this?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. We lost a beloved cat a couple years ago and it happened over the period of about a week. Nothing was diagnosed, but she was 17 and had signs of renal failure and had stopped eating so I kn ew it was coming. My kids were 10 and 8 at the time and both very sensitive. I was just honest and allowed myself to be sad and cry in front of them. We all spent the week petting her and loving her and the day she passed away we all went to the vet together to say goodbye and then I was in the room alone with her. They cried a lot (we all did) and then they felt better. They were able to have closure and say goodbye. Incidentally, I also lost my dad who was definitely the favorite of all the grandparents about a year and a half ago. He too died of renal failure related to liver cancer. He was released from the hospital the day after thanksgiving and told he had days left. We got on a plane and spent four amazingly sad and difficult but precious days with him./. All of us cried and got it all out- I honestly think I cried more in those four day than in my entire life. We flew home on Monday after thanksgiving, each of us said goodbye privately and we all cried and he died Wednesday. All of us felt so glad we had those days to cry and say goodbye and be sad. My advice is to be honest with the ids and tell them and go through this journey together. I felt such a need to shield them initially and am so glad that we navigated it together. Made the "after" so much better. Sending you peace during a really sad time <3

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, Op. I know how the thought of losing a pet that has been a member of your family for so long can be very, very hard. Your kids have literally grown up with your sweet dog. Do they know that their grandparent is sick? If not, you really need to tell them - soon. They can spend some time with their grandpa while they still can.

It's summer break now so I would tell your kids this bad news now. Again, I'm really sorry.

[Anonymous]

Find an age-appropriate storybook about the loss of a pet. Read it every night with no other storybooks. Allow this story to sink in. Yes, we are sad, but this happens to everyone.

[Anonymous]

I feel you. Last year we had to put to sleep our 6 year old dog - she was my son (13) beloved pet was 13. My father recently passed away and my mom had a stroke. First of all allow your self to fall apart. Its OK. I did it when no one was around- took a day off work and just cried and cried and cried. That felt good and allowed to face what needed to be faced. We knew that my dog would die - just when as she had cancer, watching her regain her health on chemo was wonderful but I knew the shoe would drop, I just didn't know when. My son was hopelessly positive assuming she would recover. During the whole process 11 months - I was very open and honest with him about what was going on. He went with me to vet appointments, asked questions and was invested in her home care. It was his idea to have a bucklist for her which was very sweet and made me cry at the same time. He was upset when she passed way but I learned a lot from him - he only remembered the good stuff, realized it was for the best and that she would always be a wonderful memory in his life. 2 months later he was ready for a new dog.

My father's death was a shock and unexpected. My son once again really lead me thru this as well. I didn't tell him things, but let him guide me in what he wanted to know. One night he and I stayed up all night because he was terrified that he could die suddenly in his sleep as well. Sharing these feelings and thoughts with him was surprisingly therapeutic - it allowed me to really think about what I feared the most.

My mom's stroke has been difficult in a different way. She is the last living member in my small family. She was my rock. Once again my son has been amazing. He spent time with her, reads to her, just listens when she is talking gibberish and I can see that he loves her.

From all of this I would say, be honest and open with your kids - but let them guide what they need, what they want to discuss. In terms of yourself - professional help is important, as is regular exercise and allowing yourself to feel the pain and grief. There are many excellent books about how to talk about death with kids as well. It doesn't get easier but you start to put things into perspective - for me it was how much I love my son, and being present and there for him has given me a lot structure and positive thoughts.

[Anonymous]

PP - you have such a wonderful relationship with your son!

[Anonymous]

Tell them exactly what the vet told you and have them help you shower the dog with love and treats to make sure she/he has the best last days.

[Anonymous]

OP- are you still at your beach house for the summer?

[Anonymous]

My husband is dying of cancer and I have 3 young child young children. As a child from a big family with many pets dying over the years I don’t understand your drama

[Anonymous]

I am still crying over the loss of my sweet boy.

Please consider using Lap of love. they came here and were amazing

That day we fed him all his favorite foods. Bison, elk, chicken breast (hes allergic), pizza.

Also I ordered this stuffed dog (my husband thought it was overpriced and weird, but now that it's here we all love it. We hug it and tell him we love him) petsies.com

Hugs to you. It's the hardest thing I had to do.

Our little one went to school and we told her afterwards he went to heaven (we are catholic)

[Anonymous]

I was almost 13 and a super sensitive kid when our beloved dog had to be put to sleep.

My parents told me everything. We went as a family to say goodbye to her at the vets. I dressed up in a skirt. We all cried.

A few days later I was doing errands with my mom and she pulled into our temple. We went to meet the rabbi and he took us in and said a special prayer for pets who have died.

We put up pictures of our dog, around the house. I am 42 now, and we still speak fondly of her. I may or may not have given my daughter a middle name in memory of the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is dying of cancer and I have 3 young child young children. As a child from a big family with many pets dying over the years I don’t understand your drama

Oh gosh, OP here, no drama, just trying to be a good parent at a time when I am not my best. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I have perspective on this, it's just that this is new for us and I want to do what I can to lead them through this. Sending you just pure love and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was almost 13 and a super sensitive kid when our beloved dog had to be put to sleep.

My parents told me everything. We went as a family to say goodbye to her at the vets. I dressed up in a skirt. We all cried.

A few days later I was doing errands with my mom and she pulled into our temple. We went to meet the rabbi and he took us in and said a special prayer for pets who have died.

We put up pictures of our dog, around the house. I am 42 now, and we still speak fondly of her. I may or may not have given my daughter a middle name in memory of the dog.

Thank you. Incredibly helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all so much for taking the time to help me......I am beyond appreciative.....sincerely, thank you.

[Anonymous]

It’s heartbreaking but better to do it at the vet.