Is it rude to say 'You don't look old enough to have a 12-year-old'?

[Anonymous]

I met someone and was surprised at the age of her oldest. She looks young enough to have toddlers and I thought I was paying her a compliment.

[Anonymous]

It's generally considered a compliment. BUT:

1. People in the DMV love to get offended by anything at all they can think of to be offended by

2. Some people are sensitive about looking young for their age

3. Some people don't know a compliment when they get one.

TLR: you're fine.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the context.

1. Don't say that to co-workers. It could suggest a sense of lack of experience or gravitas.

2. As a very short woman, I hate people assuming I'm young because of my stature, and then going on to infantilizing me when not appropriate. Check yourself if you tend this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the context.

1. Don't say that to co-workers. It could suggest a sense of lack of experience or gravitas.

2. As a very short woman, I hate people assuming I'm young because of my stature, and then going on to infantilizing me when not appropriate. Check yourself if you tend this way.

It wasn't her stature. She was sitting down the whole time and it was just a normal happy hour meet-up so not at work either.

[Anonymous]

I had my first child at age 24. When I'm in a group of "older moms" (moms who had their first child in their mid 30s or older) it gives me the impression that they are assuming I got knocked up at age 17 and was on welfare.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's rude -- as is any statement that refers to a person's age (height, weight, skin color, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met someone and was surprised at the age of her oldest. She looks young enough to have toddlers and I thought I was paying her a compliment.

Does she just look young or is this something where she might in fact be very young to have a 12 year old? I could see a teen mom being a little uncomfortable with that type of compliment.

[Anonymous]

I get this comment, and it always makes me uncomfortable. I was 29 when my oldest was born, and while I know plenty of people who had kids older than I did, it seems a pretty normal age to have had a child.

But I guess the bigger thing is that I don’t really want to talk about my age or my income with people.

[Anonymous]

If I were to say that my luck she’d say:

“You’re right. She’s my step child.”

Or

“Well I had her when I was 16.” Or something awkward like that.

So I usually try to keep my foot out of my mouth. But I play it too safe and never ask questions during small talk because I don’t want to offend people or pry.

[Anonymous]

It is a compliment OP.

If you don't want to look young, you can save yourself some time and give up on yourself for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a compliment OP.

If you don't want to look young, you can save yourself some time and give up on yourself for a while.

I am the PP who gets this comment and this makes me laugh because I am overweight, never worn make up in my life, and kind of a slob. Clearly the cause of these comments is not that I take too good care of myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a compliment OP.

If you don't want to look young, you can save yourself some time and give up on yourself for a while.

I am the PP who gets this comment and this makes me laugh because I am overweight, never worn make up in my life, and kind of a slob. Clearly the cause of these comments is not that I take too good care of myself!

No, you look younger because you are carrying some extra weight and aren't so stressed about how you look. Probably shines through and is the reason you look young.

Someone with a stick up a dark place who works nonstop to look young will take offense at being told they look young here.

[Anonymous]

I did have my kids young so when it gets told to me I don’t take it as a compliment. I take it as prying and a person trying to confirm what they suspect about the age I was when I had my kids.

[Anonymous]

This scenario was just presented in an unconscious bias training I had to sit through recently (only it was in the context of "you look to young to have a grandson that age...").

According to the instructor, while the white woman who said it thought it was a compliment, the black woman who heard it thought it was racist.

I don't say anything to anybody anymore.

[Anonymous]

I get it a lot and take it as a compliment.