Is this a never event in a marriage?
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Anonymous
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I was at a dinner event with co-workers and their spouses. One more outgoing colleague said told us that he spoke language X. His wife who is fluent in language X said, "I'm sorry hon, you don't even have a basic command of that language".
My colleague was immediately embarrassed. The question is not whether he was being honest, but do you shame your spouse like that in public? FWIW, command of language X is not required for our job, he was just trying to come across as being a little more sophisticated. |
Anonymous
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Either they were being playful and the tone was lost or she was being rude.
My DH sometimes corrects me in public about stuff that is totally not necessary. He's a nice guy, but it is one of his jerkier moves. He does it to lots of people he's close to, not just me. I usually talk over him but if I'm particularly annoyed I just kind of take a beat to stare at him like "why'd you do that" and people jump in and contradict him. Petty, but not a huge deal, just a thing in some peoples' marriages. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's cool to shame your spouse, but look at it from her perspective: he's lying to claim credit for something he cannot do but she can. If he's not typically a liar it might have just caught her off guard and she reacted. Or if he does lie a lot it might have crossed the line for her when he decided to claim her accomplishment as his own (while downplaying her actual accomplishment: if he can say "where's the bathroom" and is calling that speaking the language, then he's not giving her credit for being actually fluent, which is a much bigger accomplishment.) I might have let it go but if my DH announced that he was a triathlete or something at a work dinner, something he is not but I am, I can see myself reacting without thinking "should I be a good spouse and back this play?" |
Anonymous
+1 Beware of the spouse that always has to look like the good guy - imagine having to live with that sh*t, day in, day out? Deal with your stuff and stop trying to drag your spouse down. |
Anonymous
| She shouldn't have said that, and he should have laughed it off when she did. |
Anonymous
| Their headed toward divorce. That's when the other spouse doesn't care any longer. |
Anonymous
| I think it’s fine, in that scenario. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
OP here. He is the main (only) bread winner. There was no upside to her doing that. It could only hurt his reputation. They are not headed towards divorce. They get along. She was quite flippant about her commen, but she exposed him as a liar. |
Anonymous
Some people don't think of their spouses in these terms: "he's the breadwinner, I mustn't expose his lies." Either he lies all the time and she's fed up, or he doesn't normally lie and he was caught off guard. You seem to have a very ... particular view of her role in this marriage, but there's no reason to think she (or even he) shares that view. |
Anonymous
You're being too sensitive. We have a running joke in our family that DH doesn't speak Spanish. He speaks it and understands it MUCH better than I do. I've watched him have entire conversations with native Spanish speakers and I've asked "Did you understand everything?" and he'll say "I probably understood 80-85% but totally got the gist." Meanwhile I picked out the words "8" and "but". Yet even the kids will joke "Oh, Daddy doesn't speak Spanish." We all laugh. It's no big deal. |
Anonymous
Her role is to make sure that he says employed if she doesn't want to work. Same would be true if she were working and he staying home. |
Anonymous
Stays* |
Anonymous
| He was dumb for saying it and she was a bitch for calling him out on it. Lovely couple! |
Anonymous
Again, it's clear you think that is her role. But that doesn't mean either she or he would agree with you. |