How to tell child he was IVF baby but not in-laws?
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Anonymous
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For various reasons (trust me they are good ones) we don’t want to tell my parents we did IVF. But we want to tell our child (or at least not keep it a secret). Child is now 1. Do we have to wait until they die to tell our kid? We don’t want to tell him and ask him to keep it from his grandparents. That’s out of the question. Do we just not tell him?? Anyone deal with this?
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Anonymous
| You decide which is more important, avoiding some drama with in laws, or your child's mental health. |
Anonymous
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I'd love to know your reasons for not wanting to tell your parents how they got to have a grandchild that they (I'm assuming) otherwise would never have gotten.
Do you think they'll suddenly decide DC isn't "real"? |
Anonymous
| Why would you need to tell your child he was an IVF baby? You say he is 1? Believe me in a few years it won’t seem so important. You will never forget your struggle but it can be something private with your son when he is older. BTDT. No one in my family would judge but it’s just such a private thing. |
Anonymous
| ^^ PP here: I have 2 IVF babies. I mentioned that I struggled to have them (and that’s why I love them so much!) but really it’s my story and not a big issue to them. |
Anonymous
That's absurd so I hope you are being sarcastic though the one couple we are close to who conceived via IVF also seem to believe this so I guess the rest of us love our children less? I can't fathom why this question would ever come up and find it strange the parent of a 1 year old is contemplating this. |
Anonymous
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PP here not of course I don’t mean others live their kids less. I told my kids when they were teens. But I didn’t want them to think they were such a struggle and now they owe me. Infertility is such Hell it kind of warps the mind.
But they seem like they feel like kids do when they find out how babies are made — like ok mom don’t tell me you ... as far as the science etc etc they don’t care. However if my parents objected (they are medical they dont) then I would just not talk about it. Thankfully it fades ! |
Anonymous
Agree |
Anonymous
| Unless you used donor eggs or sperm I just don't think you need to get into all of this until much later and even then only if you need to share to help your child prepare for having to use ART to form their family. |
Anonymous
| Unless they are from donor eggs, why is it even an issue? |
Anonymous
| Why do you need to tell him anytime soon? Tell him when he's a teenager and old enough to understand the full significance of why his parents used IVF. Maybe there are medical issues that might be important for him to know in the context of family planning. And ffs, let him decide if he wants his grandparents to know or not. |
Anonymous
| If no donor eggs or sperm are used there is no reason to tell your child until they are a teenager. Are your parents Catholic? Since the Catholic Church is against IVF and clearly states it is immoral and should not be allowed, I wouldn't tell your parents. And if you are planning on sending your kid to a k-8 school I wouldn't tell your kid until high school. |
Anonymous
It sounds like the kid is from donor eggs. I bet her parents will be angry that they have no genetic connection to the grandchild. This seems like trying to hide that a child is adopted, it always comes out eventually. |
Anonymous
Jeez sensitive much? You know what the PP meant. |
Anonymous
| Why do you need to tell your kid that he was conceived through IVF? Why is this an issue to tell a kid of any age? |