How to tell child he was IVF baby but not in-laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did ivf and have twins. We didn’t tell my in-laws based on some nasty comments she made - not knowing we were doing ivf- about how some people are just not meant to have children, and how awful that there is ivf out there.

Kids are now 11. They know we did ivf, I’m open about it- it was a struggle to get pregnant and I’m not ashamed of what we had to go through. In laws still don’t and it doesn’t come up in conversation with them anymore. I would not lie to them at this point- but I am not volunteering or going to be direct about it.

And see I would have told this bitch that the evil IVF is how she got her grandkids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents, who are Catholic, do not know we did IVF for our kids. I don’t want to deal with the fall out. I don’t plan on telling my kids until they are adults. If I had used donor material, I would tell them sooner.

What fall out? They would rather not have their grandkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We did IVF (own eggs & sperm--no donors), and we're not telling my parents because of their religious beliefs. They are evangelicals. We are not. If you don't have to deal with evangelical relatives I envy you.

My parents are wonderful grandparents, and I don't want any more drama (current political environment is enough). And I don't think IVF is something my kid needs to know about until she is a teenager and we can have deeper discussions about reproduction.

You might be surprised. My very religious relatives used to constantly rail against any form of ART until their daughter experienced infertility. They paid for the finest treatments for her without a second thought.

[Anonymous]

We told our kids (twins) when they were young and they pretty much forgot. It came up again when they turned 13 and they were more interested, but only mildly. I think it's good that they know, but we didn't make a huge deal about it. I think telling them as young teens is when it's best.

My mother was opposed to IVF in principle, but when it came to giving her grandkids she is thrilled with the result. We didn't let her know it at the time, same as you. Now she knows and it's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I hope I'm not being insensitive, why does anyone, especially the kid, need to know how they were conceived? Why is it a thing to tell the kid they were conceived via IVF? I mean it's fine to tell if they asked, but why volunteer this?

DD was conceived via IVF (no donor eggs/sperm). I will share this info with her when she gets older because the condition that resulted in my infertility might have a hereditary component (I have PCOS, as does my mother, two of my aunts, and at least one cousin that we know of). I want her to be fully aware of the struggles we encountered, so that she may consider that for any future family planning on her part.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t make your kid keep a secret from their judgmental grand parents. Not their job to correct the ignorant.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PPs who feel that unless the kid is the product of donor egg or sperm, there's no real need to tell him/her until they're older - if at all. Do you think most non-IVF babies are told the story of their conception?

I plan on telling my DD when she's much older because I want her to be aware that she may have the same fertility issues I have. But I'll do the same about any other genetic health issues she may have inherited, like my Hashimotos or other autoimmune diseases, when she's old enough to have to deal with her health on her own.