Etiquette Question

[Anonymous]

Sibling passed away. Funeral planned with families coming from many states, planes, trains, automobiles. Relative in state where funeral is being held sent out invitations to a shower for her child to be held on day after funeral. Said she figured everyone would be there for funeral, so it was a good time. Your thoughts please.

[Anonymous]

I mean, unless the deceased's spouse reached out and said, "Oh, Larla, do have your shower the day after! Everyone will be here already and it will be lovely to focus on something joyful!" it's completely thoughtless and tacky.

[Anonymous]

Go to the shower if you feel like going. If not, politely decline. With everything else you have going on, let this go.

[Anonymous]

How old was the person who died? Was it sudden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the shower if you feel like going. If not, politely decline. With everything else you have going on, let this go.

This. I might find it strange, but also I prefer happy events so for me it would be a nice way to smile and get some relief from grief.

[Anonymous]

She has a point because everyone -will- be there. Don't go if you feel like you'll bring everyone else down. Life goes on whether you want it to or not.

-Signed, I haven't buried a sibling but I have buried a husband and two children

[Anonymous]

I get the practicality, but no, that’s not okay.

She could have hosted a lunch the following day to get everyone together, but redirecting the spotlight to her and her (unborn?) child is terrible.

I’d say it was thoughtless, but clearly she thought about it, so it can only be deemed self-absorbed and tacky.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the age of the deceased.

[Anonymous]

Why is it any of your business what this other person is doing? She can hold the event whenever she wants. As other posters indicated, stay away if you can't be pleasant and happy for the new mother. I think from your post that you're pretty judgmental so you probably should not go but if you can turn it around then certainly attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the age of the deceased.

Exactly. If this was a sudden death of a 35 year old mother/father of small children, there's no way a shower would be appropriate.
But if it's the funeral for Aunt Bessie who lived a long life and died at 97, then go for it.

[Anonymous]

In terms of etiquette, that ship has already sailed. It's not okay for an immediate family member, especially the mother, to throw a shower for her own child. That's seen as a gift grab. A shower, whether bridal or for a baby, is thrown by a close friend or aunt or MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the age of the deceased.

Exactly. If this was a sudden death of a 35 year old mother/father of small children, there's no way a shower would be appropriate.
But if it's the funeral for Aunt Bessie who lived a long life and died at 97, then go for it.

DP. It's funny because I think the age or relationship doesn't matter. One death isn't less worse than the other. I do think that OP needs to mind her own beeswax about the shower though and attend only if she feels up to it.

[Anonymous]

Your sibling died, it's understandable if you don't attend and I doubt anyone would question your grief. This post is about you. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry for a few posters who felt they had the right to lecture about life and death when you just lost someone very close to you.

C'mon DCUM, you're better than this?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the issue. We don’t really have a period of mourning anymore. Life goes on. I’d be grateful to have a shower the same weekend I’m already coming to town

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. We don’t really have a period of mourning anymore. Life goes on. I’d be grateful to have a shower the same weekend I’m already coming to town

This.