Etiquette Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. We don’t really have a period of mourning anymore. Life goes on. I’d be grateful to have a shower the same weekend I’m already coming to town

Huh? Says who? I’m sure the people close to the deceased still feel in mourning the day after the funeral, even if no one expects them to wear black for weeks.

What’s not critical is for some mom to have a bunch of out of town guests at her (self-hosted!) baby shower. She can still see the out-of-town people while they are there, and they canbe excited about the baby with her, and they can mail a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. We don’t really have a period of mourning anymore. Life goes on. I’d be grateful to have a shower the same weekend I’m already coming to town

This.

Well, your convenience is the paramount consideration.

[Anonymous]

I would hope she checked with the spouse or children of the deceased. If Uncle Sols widow followed with an email reply. Thank-you to Becky for allowing us to celebrate a new family member and the continuation of life as we say good bye to my dear Sol. I would be OK with it. Also I agree with the earlier poster..if Uncle Sol was 97 and had been barely hanging on for 6months, it is different then a sudden unexpected death that everyone is in shock over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the age of the deceased.

Exactly. If this was a sudden death of a 35 year old mother/father of small children, there's no way a shower would be appropriate.
But if it's the funeral for Aunt Bessie who lived a long life and died at 97, then go for it.

DP. It's funny because I think the age or relationship doesn't matter. One death isn't less worse than the other. I do think that OP needs to mind her own beeswax about the shower though and attend only if she feels up to it.

You don’t think one death is less worse than another. Would it be equally sad for you if your 4 year old child died as if your 100 year old great grandmother died?!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was just asking if it was proper etiquette. I love shower recipient. I plan to go. I am not judging, just wondering if timing was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was just asking if it was proper etiquette. I love shower recipient. I plan to go. I am not judging, just wondering if timing was right.

Would Amy Vanderbilt approve? No, surely not.

[Anonymous]

My thoughts are that an invitation is not a summons, and thus people can attend, or not, as they choose. As long as no one is pressed to attend, there is nothing wrong with holding a gathering when people will be in town anyway. Some people see this kind of thing as a celebration of life and family.

If you do not feel up to going, there is no obligation to go. If anyone pressures anyone to attend, THEN that would be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts are that an invitation is not a summons, and thus people can attend, or not, as they choose. As long as no one is pressed to attend, there is nothing wrong with holding a gathering when people will be in town anyway. Some people see this kind of thing as a celebration of life and family.

If you do not feel up to going, there is no obligation to go. If anyone pressures anyone to attend, THEN that would be a problem.

Just read the famous posters thread, huh?

[Anonymous]

Op - I think the appropriateness of this is decided between the deceased immediate family (spouse if there was one .. if no spouse, only then, deceased adult children) There should have been a conversation between these two parties and the appropriateness should have been decided by them before anyone else had heard anything re: a possible party. Deceased family decides. Deceased family should not be appalled at the suggestion is made. No one else makes an issue of the decision. No one. Those who come, come with the intent of making it, the shower, a successful. Anyone who would rather not come, shouldn't come and shouldn't make an issue of it.

[Anonymous]

I think it a great idea. I wouldn't have done it as a shower but a get together.

[Anonymous]

In very poor taste.

Is the mother of the person being showered hosting the shower? Also in poor taste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the age of the deceased.

Exactly. If this was a sudden death of a 35 year old mother/father of small children, there's no way a shower would be appropriate.
But if it's the funeral for Aunt Bessie who lived a long life and died at 97, then go for it.

DP. It's funny because I think the age or relationship doesn't matter. One death isn't less worse than the other. I do think that OP needs to mind her own beeswax about the shower though and attend only if she feels up to it.

You don’t think one death is less worse than another. Would it be equally sad for you if your 4 year old child died as if your 100 year old great grandmother died?!

For me, the death of a child would be way, way more tragic than that of a grandmother. If it was a child, I would not have been able to attend a shower. Grandmother, I would. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In terms of etiquette, that ship has already sailed. It's not okay for an immediate family member, especially the mother, to throw a shower for her own child. That's seen as a gift grab. A shower, whether bridal or for a baby, is thrown by a close friend or aunt or MIL.

OMG!
If momma wants to throw a shower so what, those are made up rules.
Now the funeral thing is another matter.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a gift grab. Come on, there are many other days for a shower!

[Anonymous]

I agree on gift grab. Regardless of age of deceased, let’s have a little respect.