Husband hasn't worked in years. It's wrecking my health

[Anonymous]

My resentment gets worse in summer. He screwed up and lost a job in summer 2016 and every year that goes by I get angrier. He's done some short-term work and a couple of projects that were such bad ideas I wonder if he chose them because they wouldn't work out.

I hate constantly being strapped for cash and feeling shabby. I've taken on a number of extra projects for pay and feel I'm working myself to death. The other day I mentioned one possible job prospect and he said he didn't think he'd like working there.

I'm dying a bit every day. But I can't afford to leave, and it would wreck the kids.

[Anonymous]

So TELL him.

[Anonymous]

re the kids...you need to take into account that you are role modeling for them an unhealthy relationship. They may end up seeking this kind of relationship in their lives, and rejecting healthy ones.

The kids won't be wrecked if you leave. My mom left my dad and I did just fine. Yes it sucked, but I didn't get some weird unhealthy dynamic imprinted on my brain. I ended up in a good marriage to a hard-working man.

[Anonymous]

Tap him on the shoulder and say "Tag - You're it!" You don't think you like your job anymore either, so you are going to take a few years off to explore other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tap him on the shoulder and say "Tag - You're it!" You don't think you like your job anymore either, so you are going to take a few years off to explore other options.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So TELL him.

OP here. I have told him. I always feel awful after we talk about this. Somehow he turns it around on me and I feel crazy for wanting my husband to have a job.

No conversation has ever worked. And he doesn't agree with my opinion that if he's not working he should do an outsized share of housework. He's very messy and leaves cleaning for me until I can't stand it anymore.

I'm so sick of being the only grown-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tap him on the shoulder and say "Tag - You're it!" You don't think you like your job anymore either, so you are going to take a few years off to explore other options.

Yes!

It must be nice to be financially secure enough to make that joke.

[Anonymous]

You are not respected. You do not have a partner.

[Anonymous]

Leave him. You will be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So TELL him.

OP here. I have told him. I always feel awful after we talk about this. Somehow he turns it around on me and I feel crazy for wanting my husband to have a job.

No conversation has ever worked. And he doesn't agree with my opinion that if he's not working he should do an outsized share of housework. He's very messy and leaves cleaning for me until I can't stand it anymore.

I'm so sick of being the only grown-up.

I think your feelings are totally valid and fair.

Maybe it's time to make a plan to leave. Do you really want to keep carrying this weight by yourself ?

[Anonymous]

What??? Has not worked since 2016? He’s a loser. No self respect.

I’d $hitcan his a$$ faster than a New York minute.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of him

[Anonymous]

I think you are here because you know how wrong the whole thing is. He is screwing with your head in a major way and you are buying it. You seriously need to see a therapist or someone who can help you see what's really going on and how much better off you would all be, including him, if you put an end to this dynamic NOW.

[Anonymous]

Not having a job is understandable. What is not acceptable is him not doing all the household jobs. He needs to cook, clean, shop, and take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

I would seriously consider leaving. The least he should be doing is the housework, all of it.

I would stop doing any additional projects to bring in money. He knows you will step up, so there's need for him to do anything.

Does he have depression? Does he need help?