Should I tell the other woman about serial cheater?

[Anonymous]

I just discovered my BF of a year cheated on me with another woman. When I first suspected something and asked him, he lied and said nothing happened. After I found undeniable truth, he admitted that he had unprotected sex with her. I didn’t discover this until after we had unprotected sex. Over the course of the relationship he admitted that he had cheated multiple times on his ex wife, all without using any protection. He works in a profession with frequent travel, and uses the time out of town for one night stands.

I want nothing to do with him, but I don’t know what to do with this information. I would’ve liked if someone had told me that he was a serial cheater before I fell in love with him. After I learned of the cheating past, I was so far in I deluded myself into thinking I was different. That he wouldn’t cheat on me. I have the number of the new woman, and I’m contemplating telling her about how he was seeing us both at the same time. That he was having unprotected sex with both of us days apart. I’d also tell her about his serial cheating past.

Some of my motivation is for her benefit. She seems like a nice single mom that likely has no clue about my ex. Of course I also want to do this for revenge. I really loved him and we were planning to move in together and talked marriage. We were integrated into each other’s families. His made many grand romantic gestures and swore I was the woman that was enough for him to not cheat. I’m deeply hurt over the end of the relationship, and angry he could throw away our relationship so easily.

FWIW he was very remorseful and admitted he has a problem. Self sabotages his life and can’t control himself if an opportunity presents itself. I think he’s a sex addict that won’t stop his philandering until he gets help. Should I tell her or just let her find out on her own? I’m going to my doctor to get some sexually transmitted disease testing, but don’t have any obvious signs now.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely tell her, for both of the reasons you mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom dating someone and I would be nothing but thankful if you reached out to me to let me know what I was dealing with. Also, you’d be helping two people: me and my child.

So, yes. Tell the other person and let her get tested and make her own decisions about ending everything.

Glad the truth came to light.

[Anonymous]

What was the “undeniable truth” that you found? And did he only cheat with this one women or multiple women?

[Anonymous]

I think that you need to move on from this guy. The woman he is involved with now chose to have unprotected sex with a man that she clearly does not know very well. Was she aware that he had a serious girlfriend (you) when he slept with her?

On the other hand, you slept with this man who admitted to you that he had cheated many times on his ex wife and had unprotected sex with women that he did not know while he was married to her. Yet. you stayed with him thinking that it would be different for you somehow?

He sounds like a jerk but managing his relationships with other women is not your place. Stay out of it Op and move on from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was the “undeniable truth” that you found? And did he only cheat with this one women or multiple women?

I saw a random text on his iPad that looked flirty. I asked him and he denied anything. My gut thought something was up. Later that night I read the entire text chain and it discussed how she wore him out the night before. He couldn’t deny that.

[Anonymous]

Tell her. What she does with the info is her business, but this Aviles get away with this crap precisely because women “mind their own business.” I would not want to be blindsided later. And god forbid she gets something bad from him and she has a kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that you need to move on from this guy. The woman he is involved with now chose to have unprotected sex with a man that she clearly does not know very well. Was she aware that he had a serious girlfriend (you) when he slept with her?

On the other hand, you slept with this man who admitted to you that he had cheated many times on his ex wife and had unprotected sex with women that he did not know while he was married to her. Yet. you stayed with him thinking that it would be different for you somehow?

He sounds like a jerk but managing his relationships with other women is not your place. Stay out of it Op and move on from him.

The other woman is a neighbor of his mom and saw him semi regularly. He was a nice guy to help her with an issue she was having in her house.? Then they started texting over her watching the moms house when she traveled. She had no clue my ex had a girlfriend. I was at the moms house, but not enough to meet the neighbors.

I didn’t know my ex was a cheater until well into our relationship. We were bearing our souls and he described what happened in his marriage. If I’d know up front, I wouldn’t have pursued a relationship. I used to joke that he could have a girlfriend in every city, and he’s always say he didn’t want to be like that anymore because he didn’t like himself very much when he was cheating. Yes, I was naive to believe I was special and different.

[Anonymous]

Just move on. I know you are hurting and you want to hurt him, or her, but it's healthiest to just move on. I also lived with a serial cheater and convinced myself that our relationship would be different. It wasn't. If one of his ex girlfriends had called me, I would have thought she was a crazy person.

[Anonymous]

OP, sex addicts are often serial cheaters and serial cheaters are sometimes sex addicts.

I would normally say "don't tell," however in this case the sex addict slant changes my response. Sex addicts can be difficult to spot. This woman may have no idea what she is exposing herself to.

Sex addicts often expose themselves to a myriad of STDs--even very intelligent sex addicts. I would tell this woman that this guy is a serial cheater who is potentially a sex addict and then I'd step away. You will have done all you can and it will be up to her to make her own choices but at least you'll know you tried should she end up contracting something.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell and then break it off. STDs are real and you might be saving a life. Just because you don't have one doesn't mean that he's not a carrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that you need to move on from this guy. The woman he is involved with now chose to have unprotected sex with a man that she clearly does not know very well. Was she aware that he had a serious girlfriend (you) when he slept with her?

On the other hand, you slept with this man who admitted to you that he had cheated many times on his ex wife and had unprotected sex with women that he did not know while he was married to her. Yet. you stayed with him thinking that it would be different for you somehow?

He sounds like a jerk but managing his relationships with other women is not your place. Stay out of it Op and move on from him.

The other woman is a neighbor of his mom and saw him semi regularly. He was a nice guy to help her with an issue she was having in her house.? Then they started texting over her watching the moms house when she traveled. She had no clue my ex had a girlfriend. I was at the moms house, but not enough to meet the neighbors.

I didn’t know my ex was a cheater until well into our relationship. We were bearing our souls and he described what happened in his marriage. If I’d know up front, I wouldn’t have pursued a relationship. I used to joke that he could have a girlfriend in every city, and he’s always say he didn’t want to be like that anymore because he didn’t like himself very much when he was cheating. Yes, I was naive to believe I was special and different.

Well it sounds as though he bares his soul in good time. If you know that this new girlfriend/neighbor lady didn't know a thing about you in spite of having regular communication with both him and his mom, her living right next to his mom and possibly house sitting for his mom...that is weird. In all those conversations you never once came up? Really? I find that hard to believe.

I think you're being handed a line of bull, Op.

[Anonymous]

Sure, tell her, but then what? If she breaks up with him, he's just going to move on to someone else and do it again, so you "saving" this woman just means someone else will suffer instead. You're not preventing harm, just redirecting it.

[Anonymous]

Just be careful of the advice you get from here. There are a lot of cheaters on here.