Should I tell the other woman about serial cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And what if this is the woman he really will change for?

That doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if this is the woman he really will change for?

He can prove that to her. She shouldn't be kept blind. Especially with the STD risk.

Op has only been with this guy for a year. This new girlfriend has apparently got involved with him fairly recently and she is already having unprotected sex with him? Is she hoping to get pregnant by him? WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if this is the woman he really will change for?

He can prove that to her. She shouldn't be kept blind. Especially with the STD risk.

Op has only been with this guy for a year. This new girlfriend has apparently got involved with him fairly recently and she is already having unprotected sex with him? Is she hoping to get pregnant by him? WTH?

I'm SHOCKED when anyone tells me they had unprotected sex with someone they recently met/haven't seen verified test results for. As my brother says, no F is worth dying over. And yes, I know people live with HIV and AIDS but I've heard the cocktail is a bitch. No thank you. I'll use protection.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation. I did not tell. He married her.

He was seeing me at the same time...he was with me for years, started seeing her, but did not want to choose. I ended it. I did not tell her because I really loved him and thought maybe she was the one and I wanted him to be happy even though I was a mess.

They are married but I am sure they are miserable. Sure of it.

I thought it was very likely it would not be a happy relationship ultimately, but I was not going to ruin it in advance.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Can see both sides. Here is my advice:

Write a short note. Nothing emotional. Simple:

“Hi, I have been told you have been dating Mr. X over the past few months. In case you didn’t know, I am his ex girlfriend and we have had unprotected sex over the past few months. I have been tested for X,Y, Z STDs and all are negative as of yymmdd. This will be my only note. Have an excellent week. Sincerely, Ms. XX YY.”

[Anonymous]

And then never talk to him or her again.
The goal is not to hurt him or her. The goal is to inform her about STD risk and share your testing results to inform her health decisions, if she cares to use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Can see both sides. Here is my advice:

Write a short note. Nothing emotional. Simple:

“Hi, I have been told you have been dating Mr. X over the past few months. In case you didn’t know, I am his ex girlfriend and we have had unprotected sex over the past few months. I have been tested for X,Y, Z STDs and all are negative as of yymmdd. This will be my only note. Have an excellent week. Sincerely, Ms. XX YY.”

And if Op is only one of many other girlfriends, this note will mean absolutely nothing at best. At worst, it could lead this women to assume that because Op is negative for STDs then she must be, too. Do you seriously think that would be a safe assumption for her to make? Based on what Op is saying I sure as heck don't.

There is absolutely no value in writing a note like that. Op needs to let this guy go.

[Anonymous]

I’d write that note but leave out your own testing results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if this is the woman he really will change for?

He can prove that to her. She shouldn't be kept blind. Especially with the STD risk.

Op has only been with this guy for a year. This new girlfriend has apparently got involved with him fairly recently and she is already having unprotected sex with him? Is she hoping to get pregnant by him? WTH?

I'm SHOCKED when anyone tells me they had unprotected sex with someone they recently met/haven't seen verified test results for. As my brother says, no F is worth dying over. And yes, I know people live with HIV and AIDS but I've heard the cocktail is a bitch. No thank you. I'll use protection.

It's gross but this woman might have had her own long history of unprotected sex and ONS. She's a single mother, not a saint.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely tell her, for both reasons, so that she knows and for revenge. Why protect a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d write that note but leave out your own testing results.

I wouldn't want a note floating around verifying that I had slept with that man ho. If Op is STD free she should thank her lucky stars and get the hell away from that guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely tell her, for both reasons, so that she knows and for revenge. Why protect a cheater?

Maybe she already knows about Op. This guy seems weirdly honest about his cheating.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your original post, except I was with my exBF for three years, we lived together the last year, and he did give me herpes. He was cheating on me for the last three months we were together, then dumped me for the skanky pig he had cheated with. I asked him if he told her he had herpes and he said, Yes, I told her, she doesn't care.

He married her five years later and that was 13 years ago, they are still together although not happy. I am friends with his ex-wife, we bonded over the whole experience, he cheated on her too. Every now and then she tells me something about them even though I never ask.

I don't know if you should tell her OP, I probably would if I were you.

I think my BF has been able to sustain such a long relationship with the OW because she is actually very much like him (and I definitely wasn't.) People who knew her told me what a disgusting person she is, citing evidence.

Once, when I was still in a lot of pain over the whole thing, someone who used to work with her said to me: "You still care about him don't you? How could you ever let him touch you again after he's been with that woman?"

It's been a long time (obviously) and I sometimes still ruminate over him, although it took me very little time to want nothing more to do with him. We've been zero contact for many many years.

[Anonymous]

Move on and let him go. You are only doing this for revenge. Have you ever thought that maybe you were really not his girlfriend to him any more than the current woman is?

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Don't mention it to anyone, you will be made to look like you are crazy.

Move on from him.

I say this as someone who did confront the other women who acted like she won the prize. She treated me like I was crazy because the boyfriend had told her a bunch of lies about me.

The other woman found out for herself a couple of years in and she got it so much worse than me. Oh well I tried but would never try again in the same situation.