Visiting family with dog who scratched my kid’s face twice

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I’m trying to find the right way to handle a situation. My adult sibling has a dog and lives with my parents out of state. Said dog has bit? scratched? my DS twice - at each of our previous two visits. Both times it happened too fast to really see but he wound up with scratches or cuts on his cheek that healed without leaving a scar. Obviously I’m terrified of something worse happening and made it clear we won’t be staying in the same house of the dog again. We also have a toddler who is obsessed with dogs FYI.

Now, we are supposed to visit this summer and as it’s approaching I checked in on plans for the dog. My parents are trying to sell me on a set-up of gates/ crates, but I know that’s not going to work bc the dog will hate it and someone will inevitably let it out after five minutes. So I said we can’t come this summer, which is crushing to me, my kids and their grandparents.

Thoughts? Is it right to hold the line on this? I don’t want one of my kids to like lose an eye in an attempt to appease family drama...

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to judge the situation given your details. What kind of dog? Why did it scratch? Did it scratch or bite?

Dogs have nails that can scratch...so if the dog was playing and excited, it might jump up and scratch a child. Is that what happened? Or did the dog do something aggressive? Totally different answers,

[Anonymous]

No, not two different answers. The dog scratched/bit a child. A dog hurt a child and the parents have a right to avoid the dog.

[Anonymous]

Great question and the answer is I don’t know. I think (think) that on both occasions my son got too much in the dog’s face and the dog scratched him in an act of self defense or something. We tried to be strict with DS about not touching/ bugging the dog but I think it’s clear he waited for opportunities to do just that when nobody was looking. So, that’s why it’s ambiguous- I don’t think the dog is necessarily overly aggressive but I KNOW I can’t trust my kids not to bug him.

[Anonymous]

Visit but stay at a hotel. Don't visit your parents house -- have them meet you out at a restaurant or in hotel room.

[Anonymous]

How old is the kid? Can he tell you what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not two different answers. The dog scratched/bit a child. A dog hurt a child and the parents have a right to avoid the dog.

Thanks for the counterpoint. I’m really not a dog person and have no clue what’s normal but this is my instinct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is the kid? Can he tell you what happened?

he was 3.5 last time it happened and he said, “he bit me! I wasn’t bugging him!” So, not super reliable narrator

[Anonymous]

Stay at a hotel and see them out of the house or when dog is locked in a room.

[Anonymous]

You could ask him to board the dog during your visit. My sister courteously did this when I visited her with young children even though her dog is gentle. We didn’t ask her to do it, she just decided on her own. He’s a big dog and she didn’t want anyone to be scared or for him to knock anyone over. Maybe ask him to board him and offer to split the cost?

[Anonymous]

Dogs don't really scratch aggressively/defensively the way cats do. Seems unlikely that's what happened. Is it a jumpy dog? Your kid might be the right height to catch an errant paw to the face from an excited jumpy dog.

[Anonymous]

You could stay at a hotel, but it kind of sounds like you're looking for an excuse to get out of visiting them altogether.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. It sounds like nobody is convinced that the gate/ crate setup would remotely work, right?

I won’t get into the various family drama reasons as to why staying in a hotel doesn’t work but it’s essentially a decision between staying there or not visiting at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not two different answers. The dog scratched/bit a child. A dog hurt a child and the parents have a right to avoid the dog.

Well my fat, stupid dog often jumps on top of us when we are laying on the couch and she is trying to snuggle down to nap on us. She has nails, so often, she ends up scratching us. That’s pretty different than a dog that’s being aggressive biting a kid’s face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could stay at a hotel, but it kind of sounds like you're looking for an excuse to get out of visiting them altogether.

Actually not at all, I’m pretty heartbroken that they are prioritizing the dog over us. Can’t/ won’t stay in a hotel bc we own the house in question and don’t have even more money to spend on a hotel.