Visiting family with dog who scratched my kid’s face twice

[Anonymous]

Why don't you offer to split the cost of boarding the dog? Have a heart to heart and tell your parents that you're not blaming the dog necessarily but you're worried about your children.

They might feel defensive or in denial. People think that because their dog might not actually bite that they aren't scary. Seriously, when it comes to dogs, love is blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. It sounds like nobody is convinced that the gate/ crate setup would remotely work, right?

I won’t get into the various family drama reasons as to why staying in a hotel doesn’t work but it’s essentially a decision between staying there or not visiting at all.

NP and wasn't going to comment but both these statements I think I can speak on.

1) You are correct that the gate/crate set up will not work. Never works unless the occupants of the house are fully on board and have proposed it (not just one parent).

2) I *know* you think the hotel is not an option. I've SO been in your shoes. (Unless we are talking purely about affordability) It *IS* an option if you find a way to make it sound temporary (just this year...). You could say someone has a cold or cannot sleep or cries all night--you couple it with the, "just until Larla gets a little older and can sleep through the night..." It could even be YOU with a cold, and you don't want to hack all night and get someone sick.

Or....turns out the toddler is super-allergic to dogs....

It CAN be done, OP. And if it's your DH's family and your DH is a wuss with his parents (which is very typical and is true in my case) it really still can be done.

[Anonymous]

Crates and gates work just fine. I did it for years with my old dogs. We don't know if the owners are on board with their own suggestion. All we have is the OP saying they probably won't.

And it's not that OP can't stay at a hotel. She won't.

It's an impasse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could stay at a hotel, but it kind of sounds like you're looking for an excuse to get out of visiting them altogether.

Actually not at all, I’m pretty heartbroken that they are prioritizing the dog over us. Can’t/ won’t stay in a hotel bc we own the house in question and don’t have even more money to spend on a hotel.

I haven’t read through all of these and I’d totally go with your instinct. Even more important now that you have a toddler in addition to the older kid.. FYI we have a gate to protect our toddler from fallinng down the stairs and guests forgot to close it all the time.

[Anonymous]

The dog is going to raise holy h**ll if you come to visit with two kids and the dog is confined. That why they call it “crate trained”. I don’t hear your relatives saying the dog is crate trained or we will tie him outside or put him in a room. He’s going to whine and bark and scratch because that’s not what he’s used to. Then the owner will let him out.

[Anonymous]

We have two giant dogs that are very gentle with my child but I board them when we have family visiting. Why take the risk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crates and gates work just fine. I did it for years with my old dogs. We don't know if the owners are on board with their own suggestion. All we have is the OP saying they probably won't.

And it's not that OP can't stay at a hotel. She won't.

It's an impasse.

Why should she pay extra to stay in a hotel?? She owns the house she wants to visit!

Most of us aren’t mega millionaires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of OP owning the house, she’s clearly consented to the dog living in this house. Which is her parents’ and sister’s home. They may not own it but it is their home. It is unfair of OP to allow a dog (if she’s acting in a landlord capacity) and then say well, here’s a surprise expense and condition. It sounds like OP owns the house in name only. Which doesn’t give her the right, in my opinion, to micromanage this situation.

I agree that OP is well within her right to not go to the house or stay there as it sounds like her child can’t act properly around dogs (yet). OP’s child is the intervening condition here though. The dog didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t act aggressively. It’s the dog’s home turf (again, assuming OP basically owns the home in name only). As OP, I would not expect special accommodations at the house for her family as one of her family members was the reason for the dog scratch.

I am not a crazy dog person, I just recognize that OP’s child can’t understand how to act around dogs and I don’t expect the world to bow down and accommodate my child in every situation.

+100000 Basically OP (and all you crazies chiming in after her) are saying "Yes, it is confirmed that my child cannot or will not behave around dogs so YOU must confine your dog because I refuse to discipline/intervene/control my child." The entitlement is staggering.

Well it's not really fair to put the kid in a crate for hours at a time, but it's not unreasonable to do that to a dog. So, yeah, the human does come first.

Take a play yard for the toddler. I doubt the other adults will let the dog in with the kid.

[Anonymous]

Can they clip the dog’s nails? Have him wear those puppy shoe things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crates and gates work just fine. I did it for years with my old dogs. We don't know if the owners are on board with their own suggestion. All we have is the OP saying they probably won't.

And it's not that OP can't stay at a hotel. She won't.

It's an impasse.

Why should she pay extra to stay in a hotel?? She owns the house she wants to visit!

Most of us aren’t mega millionaires.

Irrelevant. It is someone else's home.

Op seems to think owning the house means something. It doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dog is going to raise holy h**ll if you come to visit with two kids and the dog is confined. That why they call it “crate trained”. I don’t hear your relatives saying the dog is crate trained or we will tie him outside or put him in a room. He’s going to whine and bark and scratch because that’s not what he’s used to. Then the owner will let him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crates and gates work just fine. I did it for years with my old dogs. We don't know if the owners are on board with their own suggestion. All we have is the OP saying they probably won't.

And it's not that OP can't stay at a hotel. She won't.

It's an impasse.

Why should she pay extra to stay in a hotel?? She owns the house she wants to visit!

Most of us aren’t mega millionaires.

Irrelevant. It is someone else's home.

Op seems to think owning the house means something. It doesn't.

ummm it does. people pay hundreds of thousands of dollars and go into debt for 30 years to own one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not two different answers. The dog scratched/bit a child. A dog hurt a child and the parents have a right to avoid the dog.

This. My child was knocked down a flight of stairs as a three year old by her dad’s parents’ very excited dog. She needed stitches and still has a scar ten years later. No is still okay when it’s a “good dog”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell them that my rules have changed and now I will not be allowing any pets on my property. They can follow the rules or buy the house from you.

And no way would I let my child on a property where I knew there was an animal that had hurt them even once. That is pure insanity.

That can backfire. With the sibling living with the parents, there is a live-in caregiver as the parents age. Shoo away the sibling, and you need have a larger burden later.

[Anonymous]

This is why I always say that kids and dogs don’t mix. I would never have a dog in my home or in any property that I own.

OP, it is time to put your foot down. Either Fido goes (permanently) or your parents need to find a new place to live.