Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
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Anonymous
You got married at 24 to your college boyfriend. You had Colin when you were 28, Alexandra when you were 30, and Haley when you were 33. You worked fulltime until Alexandra came along, and now you work part-time. You have a ton of other mom friends and have been to bazillions of Pampered Chef, 31 parties, etc. Both of your girls are tomboys. You and DH always wanted a big family, but now you're pretty sure you're going to stop at 3. Unless... you leave the area and return to upstate NY, where your family is located and where the cost of living is cheaper. But DH would have to make a pretty big career change for that. |
Anonymous
| 55 pages and I haven't seen my son's name yet: Theodore. (Not sure what we will name the second, DH likes Colette and I like Josephine for a girl, no clue for a boy.) |
Anonymous
| Liam, Richard, carlos, alex |
Anonymous
You got married around 30 and a couple of years later Simon showed up. You dated your DH in college, or shortly thereafter, and he's a nice enough guy. He is on the boring side though, so you really enjoy your nights out with the mom friends you've met. You work because you're the primary breadwinner and, although you like the job, you wish DH would bring up some slack. Elliott is a handful but he got into the same language immersion program that Simon is in, so you will no longer have to be doing drop-off and pick-up at three different locations next year (although DH could've helped with that but that's another story for another thread). Maya is the little girl that you're glad you had. DH didn't want a third but you insisted and now you have your girl. You're not full-blown crunchy but you are the kind of mom who cuts her hair quite short, wears capris, and appreciates a job that doesn't require heels. Your kids are massively into Legos, as is DH, so your house is covered with Lego men and Lego creations. Maya is not a Disney princess girl and is kind of catching on to your newest movement: anti-GMOs. You and she go through Whole Foods together, both working to ensure that the labels indicate that the tortillas and nitrate-free hot dogs match the list you downloaded from the anti-GMO blog you read everyday. She's only 4 but she's a great reader! You drive a used Odyssey that you bought at CarMax and it is in desperate need of a detailing. |
Anonymous
\\ You have four baby daddies one is Irish one is English one is Argentine one is Scottish |
Anonymous
This is a His, Mine, and Ours situation. Liam is actually the youngest (Ours), Richard and Alex (girl Alex) are yours from a previous marriage with a Don Draper wannabe ("WTF? Yeah, right!," you scoff), Carlos is DH's from a previous relationship (not a marriage - girlfriend that he met while on active duty with the USAF). You all now live in Chantilly and your new DH is an IT guy with a behemoth government contractor. He wears his hair a bit long and does his best not to fight with Richard (Rick) on a daily basis now that Rick is a Junior. Alex is 14 and driving you nuts. Carlos is 12 and is actually quite a charmer. His mom drives you effing batshit crazy when she decides to come around (which is not as often as the court order says she should) and the only think keeping you from bullying DH into going back to court to request more child support is the stress it would cause Carlos. He loves you more than his mom but is afraid to admit it. Still, his hugs are really great and he's such a great kid. Little Liam is 3 and will be starting preschool in the Fall. You were wondering about volunteering at the preschool or maybe getting a little side gig at Starbucks, but you really don't have that much time when you boil it down. Your ex-DH will have Alex and Rick for the summer, so you're looking forward to a little down time at the pool with just Carlos and Liam. |
Anonymous
 You will enjoy staying at home for the first 14 months of Julia's life, especially once James starts half-day preschool this Fall. But shortly after Julia turns one you'll start to get a little antsy and start looking around for a federal job.
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Anonymous
Funny! I don't preach my anti nitrate/gmo rants at all, but we hit up whole foods for meat and dairy 
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Anonymous
| Magnus, Gus for short. (Totally outing myself!) |
Anonymous
| Hannah, Emma, Isabella |
Anonymous
You like popular names. You drive an Accord. Your DH works for the government. |
Anonymous
You are conventional but laid back, so although you buy Hannah, Emma, and Isabella all the princess stuff they want, you won't blink an eye when Hannah starts dating a girl at 15 and Emma drops out of high school at 17 to get her GED and work on organic farms. Isabella, though, will turn out fairly conventional too, attending George Mason and marrying her college sweetheart at 25. |
Anonymous
Your husband is a slight and flinchy man. He weighs 125 lbs soaking wet. He works as an accountant and writes peevish emails to the neighborhood listserv. You're taller than him, and overweight. You think of yourself as confident and outgoing, but most people see you as brash and overbearing. You've got a nasty streak that you try to hide, but not very well. You love to gossip with your husband about work and other parents at your charter school, which is Inspired Teaching or Mundo Verde. Both you and your husband put a lot of energy into your careers, though neither of you realizes that you're not on the advancement track. This is especially sad because the energy you spend on work comes at Theo's expense. He's a sickly child with deep set eyes. He has asthma and a nearly constant runny nose. You think you're being liberal and teaching him responsibility by letting him choose his own clothes at 8 years old and making him responsible for washing them and his own showers. In reality this means he is usually dressed in mismatched, grubby clothes that smell vaguely of pee. |
Anonymous
Downer! |
Anonymous
You're 44 and have been with your DH since just after college, thank god, since you couldn't even imagine dealing with the dating scene past age 30. You have a lot of self-confidence and tend to come across as a little exclusionary - after all, if there's a new mom at the playground, and you don't already know her, then how could she possibly be important in your world? You have a lovely home (you're a SAHM, of course, although you do plan to go back to work -- in marketing --when Isabella goes to 1st grade) and you shop at Whole Foods. You used to go to Old Navy but honestly, the clothes there have gotten so trashy. You drive to the Cape every year just before the 4th of July and stay for 2 weeks. Your brother is a lawyer and has 2 children. You like your sister-in-law, but there's a little too much competition between the two of you. You do a holiday photo every year that includes your golden retriever. The girls used to wear matching Christmas dresses but last year you finally had to give up and let them wear non-matching (but still holiday-appropriate) dresses. |