Declining offer to help when it isn’t really helpful at all?
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Anonymous
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We leave Friday for a summer vacation. I was making my weekly phone call to my mom last night and I mentioned in conversation how much we have to do this week before we leave, on top of packing. This morning I get a Good Morning text that said she would like to come get the kids Thursday afternoon and keep them for the day so that I can pack. Great right? Maybe, if I want to give up an hour of time to have the house to myself:
When she comes over under any circumstance, it’s a half hour of her catching me up on gossip, then a half hour when she returns. I get that I “owe” her this under normal circumstances, because she’s doing me a favor, but honestly, I don’t have time. I could set up play dates for the kids, or rent them a movie and buy a pizza, or any number of other things that don’t require an hour of time chit-chatting, to have them occupied. Plus, they are older and don’t get in my way. What’s the best way to politely decline her offer? This is what I have to do, because she’s terrible at subtle or unsubtle hints, unless someone has a better idea! Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Make plans and then pretend they were pre existing. |
Anonymous
| Or be “in the shower” when she comes. Just have the kids say “oh mom had to hop in the shower so she told us to just leave with you.” Then when she comes back, if she wants to chit chat, just say “uh huh” while you run around getting the laundry and packing done. |
Anonymous
| “Thanks, Mom, that’s a thoughtful offer. However, on Thursday, the best thing for us is to keep the schedule simple. Let’s make a plan for after we return.” |
Anonymous
This is good but with a little tweak. You want to frame it as the kids need to be rested and ready for the trip, not that her helping wouldn’t keep things simple. |
Anonymous
| So your mother wants to see her grandchildren and daughter before they leave on summer vacation? That is truly a terrible thing for her to want to do. It may not be helpful for you but suck it up and appreciate that you have a relationship with your mother. |
Anonymous
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OK mom! I just won't have much time to chit chat like we usually do. I have tons to do!
(she's your mom, you can speak candidly to her) |
Anonymous
Calm down. They aren’t dying, they’re going on vacation. They can be seen when they return home. |
Anonymous
This! She's your mom. Why do you need a "polite way to decline her offer", like you're talking about a stranger or someone you know socially. |
Anonymous
This. Or - drop them off, or plan an errand you are leaving to do just as she arrives, etc... |
Anonymous
| I just keep my hands busy while she talks (eg keep wrapping dishes). My mom is like this too. |
Anonymous
This. Plan the activities you can do while she’s chatting. Ex. folding laundry or emptying the dishwasher |
Anonymous
| Drop them off at her house with pizza, snacks and movie...say you have a mani pedi appt in 5 minutes and DH will pick kids up after dinner (hopefully she'll make their favorite with a few days notice) |
Anonymous
| I agree, drop them off. |
Anonymous
| Just say that they already have playdates set up. |