Did you have any *unexpected* divorce regrets?
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Anonymous
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I came across this story the other day:
https://www.mydomaine.com/you-probably-shouldnt-have-divorced-and-dont-even-know-it-yet-1102932 Seemed to me that the possible regrets were pretty predictable; difficult finances, kids will have problems, new relationships might not be better. Made me wonder - what problems (or regrets) did you have after your divorce that you didn't expect? |
Anonymous
| No one is going to answer this because people are in denial about their regrets in general. |
Anonymous
| but, but...my divorce was all about ME and MY FEELINGS what I want! Not what's best for the kids or my familie, ME! |
Anonymous
| The only thing I regret is we didn't do it sooner. Sure, all of the things listed were part of the process and it was tough for awhile, but everyone is happier now. The kids have made that very clear. I didn't realize how bad it was for them in a home where their parents never showed intimacy or genuine love to each other. Sure, we piled all kinds of love on our kids, but not with one another. My kids let me know they knew it was over before we even did. |
Anonymous
Interesting perspective. As with most things in life, you can't often predict whether your situation will be better or not until you do it. |
Anonymous
| I regret that I didn't do it sooner. Similarly to the other poster, my kids were VERY relieved when we broke up. We caused the older ones damage by staying together as long as we did. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it took a lot longer then it should have mainly due to the lawyers trying to keep it going given their hourly rates. We ended up almost where we started in terms of dividing assets, custody but the attorneys, mine especially, treated it like the last man standing. It took two years for my ex and I to get over it and be able to talk like humans again. |
Anonymous
| I did not regret divorce. I regretted ever getting married in the first place. (Though I have a child I love so try not to think about that.) |
Anonymous
+1. I love my kids, but I also regret ever getting involved with their Dad. My involvement with him was traumatizing, career-wrecking and financially disastrous and brings enormous pain to my kids throughout their lives. It is something I will still regret on my deathbed. That is true even though I love my children deeply. I also regret not doing it sooner AND giving up so much to make sure it was amicable and my kids had a relationship with their dad. The kids and I would have been better off if I had immediately moved to parallel parenting instead of trying to co-parent. I wasted a lot of time and money trying to keep his relationship with the kids afloat. That would have been better spent fostering my own relationship with the kids. All of these things are things I thought I was doing right — try and work it out, be a nice coparent, support his relationship with the kids, etc. And yet they all titned out to have been mistakes/regrets. That’s what is so unexpected. |
Anonymous
Shut it. I will not model martyrdom to my daughter. |
Anonymous
+1. What IS it with these people??? Marriage is a choice, full stop. You can choose to marry and you can choose to un-marry. You're not in indentured servitude because you got married at one point. Contracts can be broken. I'm sorry that poster thinks so low of him/herself that it's mockery to him or her to suggest that their own feelings matter. |
Anonymous
This would probably be my regret, too. I will still look back sometimes and remember behavior that really showed who he was as a person. Granted, it's never black and white and nobody is perfect, but I think I should have believed less about what he said, and more about how he acted. |
Anonymous
"My kids were relieved and happy for me, and now they are thriving" is what selfish people always say when they got the divorce for their own selfish reasons, and can't admit it hurt their kids because that might make them look selfish (which they are). |
Anonymous
| I regret I tried to do 50/50 while I got settled instead of just moving out with DC. |
Anonymous
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I regret that it didnt work out because simply being divorced makes all future relationships more complicated and more likely to fail. It's a depressing statistic.
If you assume you have the potential to be 100% happy in a perfect relationship, go ahead and subtract 5% for each divorced person in the relationship. If either person has kids and you are trying to blend families, subtract 5% per kid. An extra 5% for each middle schooler. If the relationship was the result of an affair, subtract another 10% for lack of trust and generally poor relationship skills on both parts. If there is an imbalance of money because of alimony/child support issues, subtract another 5%. Get the idea? Divorce doesn't give you a clean slate. I'm divorced and I'm fine with it, but dude. New relationships are extremely complicated. |