Husband doesn’t clean up after himself

[Anonymous]

I work full time, as does my husband, and we have three children together. Keeping the household looking semi clean is difficult. We can not afford a house cleaner and honestly, even if we could, I wouldn’t want one. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for my husband to clean up after himself. I have gone years gently asking him that if he opens a drawer, please close it. If he takes the top off the toothpaste, recap it. If he takes the eggs out to make eggs, please put the eggs back in the fridge. If you eat a burger, throw the wrapper in the trash. Get where I am coming from? A house cleaner can’t even help with that. I spend most of my afternoons cleaning up after him. It’s driving me crazy. Again, we have three young kids. My afternoons are exhausting. What do I do? What do I say? Leave the house a mess? To the point kids will walk into open drawers? Food will go bad being left out?

[Anonymous]

Find a time when you are not upset about this and sit down and talk to him. He was probably raised a slob. He must understand that he is making so much more work for you. He is also setting a bad example for your children. They will soon be picking up his bad habits. Tell him you want to go for counseling about this one subject. Explain to him is extremely upsetting to you and you cannot clean up after him. It is very degrading and condescending to you that he cannot help you out.

[Anonymous]

I would have stopped at 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

In your calmest voice tell him that you are upset about his inability to clean up after himself and that he needs to get his shit together because you are damn well done picking up after his lazy ass and am tired of his lack of respect for you since I'm not a god damn maid. And if he still doesn't stop thats when the b*tch face comes out and you express yourself in vulgarity and tell him to stop being a f***ing pig.

[Anonymous]

Sit down at a quiet moment and tell him he needs to set a good example for your children. If he doesn’t clean up the kids won’t and the place will continue to be a mess. If he blows you off just put all the crap he leaves out in the front seat of his car.

[Anonymous]

Sympathies, OP. I have a hoarder husband. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, but I'm assuming you knew he was a slob before you had three children. My husband is limited in several ways due to health and mental health issues. This is why I stopped with one child. I wanted more, but I knew this is what I could handle. What you are experiencing is a consequence of the choices you made. IOW, suck it up, pork chop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your calmest voice tell him that you are upset about his inability to clean up after himself and that he needs to get his shit together because you are damn well done picking up after his lazy ass and am tired of his lack of respect for you since I'm not a god damn maid. And if he still doesn't stop thats when the b*tch face comes out and you express yourself in vulgarity and tell him to stop being a f***ing pig.

Right, because speaking in such a childish way will sound better if it's delivered with a calm voice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your calmest voice tell him that you are upset about his inability to clean up after himself and that he needs to get his shit together because you are damn well done picking up after his lazy ass and am tired of his lack of respect for you since I'm not a god damn maid. And if he still doesn't stop thats when the b*tch face comes out and you express yourself in vulgarity and tell him to stop being a f***ing pig.

Right, because speaking in such a childish way will sound better if it's delivered with a calm voice.

Yes it does. Sitting down and saying that you need to set an example for th kids is lying shes tired of cleaning up after him. Sometimes you need to need be so PC and say what you mean to get your point across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your calmest voice tell him that you are upset about his inability to clean up after himself and that he needs to get his shit together because you are damn well done picking up after his lazy ass and am tired of his lack of respect for you since I'm not a god damn maid. And if he still doesn't stop thats when the b*tch face comes out and you express yourself in vulgarity and tell him to stop being a f***ing pig.

Right, because speaking in such a childish way will sound better if it's delivered with a calm voice.

Yes it does. Sitting down and saying that you need to set an example for th kids is lying shes tired of cleaning up after him. Sometimes you need to need be so PC and say what you mean to get your point across.

Meant to say you don't need to be so PC

[Anonymous]

Nice reminders don’t work at all.

Not wanting to leave my DH because I like him so much for other reasons, the only things that work are:

Thanking him for everything he does do/clean (even though that’s completely one-sided).

As much as possible, clean while he is there (without complaining, just make the labor visible).

Leave him alone with the house/kids regularly (business trips make this easy but if you don’t have them, figure out a way. Take up golf or something).

Processing your anger on your own and/or with a therapist and making sure you don’t impose your standards on EVERYTHING he does (this is why being gone is so helpful). That doesn’t mean being a doormat, it just means genuinely handing over the reins sometimes and getting comfortable with the results unless your kids are in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your calmest voice tell him that you are upset about his inability to clean up after himself and that he needs to get his shit together because you are damn well done picking up after his lazy ass and am tired of his lack of respect for you since I'm not a god damn maid. And if he still doesn't stop thats when the b*tch face comes out and you express yourself in vulgarity and tell him to stop being a f***ing pig.

Right, because speaking in such a childish way will sound better if it's delivered with a calm voice.

Yes it does. Sitting down and saying that you need to set an example for th kids is lying shes tired of cleaning up after him. Sometimes you need to need be so PC and say what you mean to get your point across.

Meant to say you don't need to be so PC

You watch too much TV.

[Anonymous]

This forum has a search function you know. Do we really need a new thread on this same old tired sh*_t?

[Anonymous]

STOP. CLEANING. UP. AFTER. HIM.

I'd tell him point blank that you've been "gently asking" him for years, you are spending X amount of time each day cleaning up for him and you need to stop. And then stop.

Get your own toothpaste, hide it in a drawer, and let the chips fall where they may.

Also really examine if your standards are too high. They probably aren't, but what is the hill to die on? I'd also make a point of teaching the kids to pick after themselves. They will likely call dad out on it if they are doing it.

[Anonymous]

you just described my DW