Did I overreact? The teenage boy edition

[Anonymous]

I bought my 14 yr old son a new blazer since he outgrew his old one. He needs a new one for his 8th grade graduation in a few weeks. He wore it on Friday to school for his end of year presentation. He said one of the gold buttons fell off onto the floor in his classroom but did didn’t bother to pick it up. Then he shoved the blazer into his backpack so now it is a wrinkled mess. I was pissed and I yelled at him. I said he was lazy and inconsiderate. It was an awful week at school (I’m a teacher) and maybe I shouldn’t have yelled like that. He knows that the blazer wasn’t cheap and that I am not rolling in money. I told him he needs to pay for the new buttons and to have them sewn on and to have it dry cleaned since it looks like such a mess. I will apologize but I feel like I must have gone wrong somewhere if he thinks it I should okay to treat his belongings like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bought my 14 yr old son a new blazer since he outgrew his old one. He needs a new one for his 8th grade graduation in a few weeks. He wore it on Friday to school for his end of year presentation. He said one of the gold buttons fell off onto the floor in his classroom but did didn’t bother to pick it up. Then he shoved the blazer into his backpack so now it is a wrinkled mess. I was pissed and I yelled at him. I said he was lazy and inconsiderate. It was an awful week at school (I’m a teacher) and maybe I shouldn’t have yelled like that. He knows that the blazer wasn’t cheap and that I am not rolling in money. I told him he needs to pay for the new buttons and to have them sewn on and to have it dry cleaned since it looks like such a mess. I will apologize but I feel like I must have gone wrong somewhere if he thinks it I should okay to treat his belongings like this.

You were wrong and right.

calling in names and losing your cool was a bad choice.

making him pay for the repair and the cleaning is the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

[Anonymous]

Your reaction wasn't totally unreasonable.

I wouldn't have called him lazy; it sounds like he was just very careless. I'd have him pay half of the costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

If either of them 'just sews the button on', it should be the son. He can YouTube it to see how to do it properly and should be required to do it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

He had to wear his blazer for the presentation. It was required. I have tried sewing buttons on but they never stay on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

Can you read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

Seriously. Ten minutes effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

He had to wear his blazer for the presentation. It was required. I have tried sewing buttons on but they never stay on.

YouTube instructions.. this isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

My DS has ADHD and has lost half his wardrobe at school this year-- I get the urge to yell (and sometimes give into it).

The best thing OP is to be calm and dish out logical, natural consequences. He needs to pay for a new button and dry-cleaning. If he doesn't have the money, he can work it off in chores.

Getting really angry causes me to feel guilty and takes the attention off the real issue-- thoughtless, careless, occasionally inconsiderate behavior from my DC.

[Anonymous]

My son lost his brand new $100 blazer at Homecoming.
He coat checked it, and yet it was gone when he went to pick it up. The school was no help.

I was so angry, but I learnt my lesson. Blazers will only come from Unique thrift store from here on out.

[Anonymous]

OP what age do you teach? My 14 yr old would not know how to get a blazer home without wrinkling it unless we showed him and talked about it specifically. The button thing sounds like a typical teenager who has no idea how to match buttons and what a PITA it can be and was probably dealing with social stuff at the moment and probably had other reasons he didn't want to bend over to pick it up. Just a stupid decision that will cause more problems in the future, but he is without the life experiences to know how much work he created by not picking it up.

My ds balls up his hoodies and his rain coats to put in to his backpack. He would not know to not do that to a blazer if we didn't specifically tell him. I think the last time he wore a suit jacket type thing was when he was 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

DP not everyone knows how to sew.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies. I bought his blazer at the consignment store. It looked new but it was still $50. I guess I just didn’t think I needed to say to him “If you see your button fall off, you should pick it up.” Or “Don’t stuff your new blazer into your backpack.” Very frustrating that apparently I need to say these things when I consider them common sense. Yes, he is going to pay for it but who knew someone so smart could need me to tell him what I consider obvious things.

[Anonymous]

OP again. He wears a blazer everyday to school from October until April so he knows he needs to keep it in good condition or he will get written up for a uniform violation. I teach kindergarten and first grade and I can totally see my students dropping a button and then just not picking it up but they are five and six years old! Big difference. Now I know why my older brother drove my mother nuts. He had many winter coats stolen because he never locked the lock on his locker. Duh.