Did I overreact? The teenage boy edition

[Anonymous]

Yes overreaction.
Unfortunately VERY normal behaviour for 14 yr old boy.

[Anonymous]

1) Look inside the jacket. Sometimes they sew n an extra button. If not, take jacket to JoAnn's Fabric Store and buy new button (usually it's a 2 or 4 pack) to match. I don't want to defend your DS, but metal buttons become loose much more easily than other types of buttons.

2) Wrinkled jacket only needs pressed vs dry cleaned and ask them to sew on the button.

When my boys were young teens I gave them a lesson on button sewing I also taught them to iron when they had summer internships and needed dressier clothes. You Tube is a wonderful research tool. Neither of my young adult sons are married yet. I am hoping their future wife appreciates my diligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Look inside the jacket. Sometimes they sew n an extra button. If not, take jacket to JoAnn's Fabric Store and buy new button (usually it's a 2 or 4 pack) to match. I don't want to defend your DS, but metal buttons become loose much more easily than other types of buttons.

2) Wrinkled jacket only needs pressed vs dry cleaned and ask them to sew on the button.

When my boys were young teens I gave them a lesson on button sewing I also taught them to iron when they had summer internships and needed dressier clothes. You Tube is a wonderful research tool. Neither of my young adult sons are married yet. I am hoping their future wife appreciates my diligence.

OP again. I bought two new buttons at JoAnn’s today. I know they aren’t very sturdy but if I saw one of my buttons fall off onto the floor, I would pick it up. Guess I figured that would be a normal reaction. My DS knows how to iron and does it occasionally. His jacket is wrinkled and dirty since it was in his backpack which is pretty gross after three years of middle school boy “organization.” Luckily we have a Zips near us so it won’t be too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes overreaction.
Unfortunately VERY normal behaviour for 14 yr old boy.

Just because behavior is normal doesn't mean you don't correct it.

Calling him names was a bad choice and was a poor reaction, but making him fix it is responsible loving parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He wears a blazer everyday to school from October until April so he knows he needs to keep it in good condition or he will get written up for a uniform violation. I teach kindergarten and first grade and I can totally see my students dropping a button and then just not picking it up but they are five and six years old! Big difference. Now I know why my older brother drove my mother nuts. He had many winter coats stolen because he never locked the lock on his locker. Duh.

If the blazer is in poor condition, he will get a uniform violation. Natural consequences. If it were me, I wouldn’t say a word. Let the natural consequences speak for you.

[Anonymous]

I'm constantly surprised by the stupid, senseless things my adorable, brilliant, generous and loving preteen boy does. They often involve causing me physical pain -- yesterday he threw a pair of shorts with a heavy metal buckle at my head -- not out of anger, just thought that would be a good way to hand the shorts to me. Then he got a stricken look as I sternly told me how badly that could have gone. So, I do sometimes react angrily to some of this behavior, and if I later decide it was an overreaction, I tell him so and apologize, but still also discuss why I didn't like what he did and why he needs to do better. He usually gives me a hug and a smile during those talks. I think it's good to admit when you could have handled something better -- it doesn't mean that the kid's behavior wasn't also wrong or thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He wears a blazer everyday to school from October until April so he knows he needs to keep it in good condition or he will get written up for a uniform violation. I teach kindergarten and first grade and I can totally see my students dropping a button and then just not picking it up but they are five and six years old! Big difference. Now I know why my older brother drove my mother nuts. He had many winter coats stolen because he never locked the lock on his locker. Duh.

If the blazer is in poor condition, he will get a uniform violation. Natural consequences. If it were me, I wouldn’t say a word. Let the natural consequences speak for you.

OP- The uniform violation means detention after school for him. So he misses his ride home and I have to leave work to pick him up. I wish I had the luxury of letting him experience this natural consequence but I don't.

[Anonymous]

Your first mistake was buying an expensive item of clothing for a growing teen boy that will only be used once or twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first mistake was buying an expensive item of clothing for a growing teen boy that will only be used once or twice.

He wears the blazer every day to school as part of his uniform. I bought a $50 blazer at the consignment store. The cheaper ones there were not in good condition. He will wear this blazer every day next year too.

[Anonymous]

I agree that he should either sew on the button himself -- maybe with your help and YouTube to guide him -- or pay for having it done at the dry clears. If he sews on the button himself, he can also press the blazer to get out the worst wrinkles. As far as your calling him lazy, please apologize profusely and find a way to rein in your anger next time (deep breathing, hitting a pillow, whatever you need to do to control yourself.) But, no matter what you do, there will be a next time -- I know because my son was just like yours and I get how frustrating it is, but I can tell you two things: 1) with time, your son will grow out of this; and 2) I still feel bad about yelling at my son when he was a 9th-grader . . . and he's in law school now.

[Anonymous]

I think you overreacted. Many boys fold up their blazers and put them in their backpacks. He should have found the button though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted. Many boys fold up their blazers and put them in their backpacks. He should have found the button though.

He didn't fold it. He shoved it down in between his books into a ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Look inside the jacket. Sometimes they sew n an extra button. If not, take jacket to JoAnn's Fabric Store and buy new button (usually it's a 2 or 4 pack) to match. I don't want to defend your DS, but metal buttons become loose much more easily than other types of buttons.

2) Wrinkled jacket only needs pressed vs dry cleaned and ask them to sew on the button.

When my boys were young teens I gave them a lesson on button sewing I also taught them to iron when they had summer internships and needed dressier clothes. You Tube is a wonderful research tool. Neither of my young adult sons are married yet. I am hoping their future wife appreciates my diligence.

OP again. I bought two new buttons at JoAnn’s today. I know they aren’t very sturdy but if I saw one of my buttons fall off onto the floor, I would pick it up. Guess I figured that would be a normal reaction. My DS knows how to iron and does it occasionally. His jacket is wrinkled and dirty since it was in his backpack which is pretty gross after three years of middle school boy “organization.” Luckily we have a Zips near us so it won’t be too expensive.

Their brains are not fully developed. Their brains are not developed! A zillion things that are common sense to us are not to them. Their brains are not developed! The locking the locker thing is a great example!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

DP not everyone knows how to sew.

Stitching a button on is not 'sewing' exactly. Most people can do this. Most kids can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just sew on a new button? I wouldn't have sent in a new jacket to school if he needed it for graduation.

Seriously. Ten minutes effort.

Do you people sew much?

Unless this is a really expensive blazer, the type that comes with extra buttons, this is going to entail a run to a JoAnn’s Fabrics (are they still in business?), or sifting through Amazon and then paying for fast shipping, to find a button that sorta matches and is the right size for the button hole.