Ex's gf took my daughter shopping...
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Anonymous
| Let me start by saying I have a good (not great but good and manageable) co parenting relationship with EX. We have worked hard and we get along. He has been seeing someone for maybe 2 years...kids have known about 10 months or so. She is very nice. Most importantly she treats my kids well and I am so appreciative and thankful. She even took my oldest (12) shopping for summer clothes. There were maybe 4 items in questions that I wouldn't allow DD to wear. Im partly mad at DD because she KNEW those shorts and shirts in question would be a hard and fast no. I want her to return them but I also don't know if I should rock the boat. GF is younger and cooler and I know that appeals to my kids...my girls especially. I get it. But I also don't want her wearing booty shorts and crop tops. I don't want to bring it up to EX and put him in the middle either. I was thinking of just texting her...thanking her...and asking if its ok to exchange the few items I don't think fit well??? Ugh I dunno. Maybe just drop it and put those clothes away out of mind and out of sight?? Now my 11 year is BEGGING to go shopping and hopes her trip is next weekend. I feel like I want to lay some ground rules down??? I don't know how I don't come across like an old bitch though! Ugh!!!! |
Anonymous
| I love your attitude. I think you can pull off a direct conversation with the gf about your boundaries, after first getting the green light from your ex to broach the topic. |
Anonymous
| It's lovely that she took her shopping. i would acknowledge that and then say you just wanted to share the family guidelines about clothes. Tell her the guidelines. |
Anonymous
|
OP good for you for rolling with things. This is one of those things you don't overthink. I assume you have her number? Sent a brief text:
"Hi Deb, it's Kim. Thanks so much for taking Larla shopping; it was generous of you and she really enjoyed it! A few of the items are on the small side or maybe show a bit of skin. OK with you if she exchanges those things? I know she'll want to get lots of wear out of them. FYI, if you're ever unsure if something works for her if if you need to check with me, please reach out anytime. Thanks again." Best, - Kim |
Anonymous
| Say some items are for home/weekend only, and she has to ask you before wearing them out. |
Anonymous
If I were you I wouldn't bring up the conversation with the Ex or the girlfriend. Tell the daughter that she is not allowed to wear the clothes when she is in your care. Maybe ask the daughter why she bought it in the first place. Was she feeling pressured by the cool girlfriend? If so, than she doesn't have to wear them. However, if she likes it than you may have to let it go and let her wear it at the ex's house. Maybe you can talk to her why you don't like the clothes and then maybe she will respect your wishes. But, it will only end badly if you complain to Ex or girlfriend. You will be labeled the old bitch, if that matters to you. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Are you saying your daughter can’t wear the clothes at your ex’s house? Does he have your same rules? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like the daughter wasn’t honest with the girlfriend about what she is/isn’t allowed to wear (assuming you’ve had this discussion before). I’d have a stern talk with your daughter about being dishonest about the rules with the girlfriend, and then talk to the girlfriend and express your appreciation for the nice thing she did but that your daughter didn’t tell her the rules. And see if she will take her again for something they like but conforms with the family rules about clothes. |
Anonymous
This is not bad advice, but I don't think I would reach out at all. I like the out of sight, out of mind approach. Also, a relaxed conversation with your daughter about what looks good and what doesn't. Don't need to be stern at all... totally calm and matter of fact. |
Anonymous
|
I’d show my daughter the items she won’t be allowed to wear and tell the 11 yo if she comes home with items similar you are just taking the back so it’s up to her to communicate with the GF what is ok and what is not.
But you seem like a great mom and the choices out there are insane. It’s hard to find shirts that are not too short and shirts that are not cropped. |
Anonymous
| Would your ex agree that these clothes are not appropriate? If not, I don’t think you can dictate what your DC wear on his time. If he does agree, I’d write him a note that’s very complimentary and appreciativel towards the ex (like you did here, very classy) but also asks him to share with her the family rules towards clothes. |
Anonymous
| Tough age and gets worse around 13 with boobs. It’s ok to just text DH that she’s not allowed to wear clothes like this. DD is telling each adult that the other adult said OK to this. It’s really OK to say no to clothes that you think are too revealing for an 11 year old. My DDs are adults now and look back on that period of time with embarrassment (showing too much). |
Anonymous
| ^^ now “shorts” appear to look like bathing suit bottoms. (End at butt). |
Anonymous
| OP: are you by any chance a member of the Harper Valley PTA? |
Anonymous
| It’s a little dangerous for 11 year olds to dress revealingly. They don’t understand what they look like to predators. Check out the sex offenders web site: they all live near ES. Disgusting. |