How to be awesome in your 70s?
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Anonymous
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I’m extremely lucky in that my parents are alive and fairly well - DH has lost both parents, and mine have their faculties and live independently. However - the less of a filter thing and the not taking care of your physical health in your 30s-60s thing has come home to roost, especially for my long-retired mom (Dad still works). Mom is well-educated and fairly -off but literally only watches MSNBC except when she’s going on her many doctors appointments. No reading, exercise, travel, won’t go to a museum in DC, no lectures, no classes, no big social circle. She lives for her grandchild, my child, but we live hours away.
She’s always anxious and teary at nothing and won’t seek treatment. I told her recently when she was on me to take DC to a ped over nothing that her anxiety was making me not want to talk about what’s up and she resented it, and swore at me and called me a “shithead” when I took DC in later, on a separate occasion, when we actually had to go. It hurt me and also made me very, very angry. I feel powerless over how irritating etc they but especially mom are - and I want to be mindful of how lucky I am to have her but her making me feel like a bad mom and literally swearing and name calling me flipped a switch and I’ve been mad as hell, coldly, since. I’m asking how to stay grateful and not let her get to me, and how I can try to live in ways to avoid becoming her. Any advice? Thanks. |
Anonymous
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Do you think she's developing dementia? Do you think her anxiety is getting so bad that she swore at you? Either way she needs to be seen by a specialist. |
Anonymous
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Hey OP: GOOD FOR YOU! I think you will be fine just by virtue that you are aware. When your Mom says something hurtful....there she goes again. Don’t give her power. I think it’s a good idea to look at her background to explain some of her behavior.
You are not her. She does not define you. |
Anonymous
| I do not it’s dementia. She hAd her pride hurt. |
Anonymous
| Fearfulness and deterioration of social filters can be signs of dementia. Dementia patients are also usually pretty resistant and fearful of their diagnosis (or being told that they need to be seen). |
Anonymous
| ^ I’m op. She has no signs of memory or functional troubles. But she is anxious and though her whole life is tv and doctors appointments she won’t put in a tai chi class and an initial meeting with a therapist or psychiatrist in there. |
Anonymous
| I plan to die at 69 and leave no debt to my loved ones. However the fact that she used the word shithead is awesome by itself. |
Anonymous
| She’s been really mean to me but ok. |
Anonymous
Could she be in some type of physical decline? Not making excuses just curious |
Anonymous
I hope not and she is constantly seeing physicians so I don’t think so, but don’t know. |
Anonymous
| Also don't worry so much about avoiding becoming her. You are you. Just be you and continue. This overwhelming fear that you will become her is unfounded. |
Anonymous
Sorry, OP. Cable news and Facebook have hollowed out the minds of many Americans. Reading is way way better. Can you perhaps get her to agree to a no-TV day once a week? |
Anonymous
That’s a good idea - maybe I buy two copies of one book and send one to her and we talk about it? But she’s ignored gifts of books I’ve given her in the past. She’s always a narrow mean streak but the way she’s been lately is worse. I don’t know if I’m seeing dementia or personality change or neither. And I love her but we are different; I shouldn’t have written that I don’t want to be like her though at the same time I don’t! |
Anonymous
| Have you attempted to introduce her to medical marijuana? Sorry if somebody already asked this question |
Anonymous
| Anyway of course you love her. And she loves you. What do you mean by saying you don't want to be like her? You are like her and like you and like a thousand other things |