How to be awesome in your 70s?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - I totally get where you are. My mom is incredibly difficult and has nothing to do. Constantly complains. When I mention something about my children she find some link in the story to change the conversation back to her complaints (for example, when I told her we were in Little League playoffs but my son's team was hampered bc the star player had pneumonia but I think he is going to play tomorrow anyway, she instantly told me a 10-minute story of how my cousin had pneumonia at his bar mitzvah but she still found it so rude that he didn't want to socialize with the relatives who had spent money to come to his event). I have had to switch my mindset so that I simply listen to her kvetch for an hour a week - without telling her she is being ridiculous - and without sharing anything about my own life. Because she really just wants to focus on her own sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not it’s dementia. She hAd her pride hurt.

If she had her pride her she’s acting like a baby. You don’t curse at someone for not following your advice or going to the doctor months later for a separate reason.

op- agree with the anxiety thing and there might be some other mental illness behind the anxiety thing, even ADHD at best or just anxiety or something worse.
Don’t let her pick fights. Literally say, Ther you go again. And walk way, don’t take part in her verbal abuse. Write it off in your head. If it escalates, and do not let her escalate namely conversations into arguments and name calling— do not engage— then push therapy for her or even you if you’re not coping well. There might be more diagnoses or strategies you can do that a good therapist can help all in via you’re sessions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she had any hobbies in the past? Is there a way you gently nudge her to get back into them? My parents are in their early 70s and really involved in their hobbies and volunteering with their church. My mom gardens and teaches Sunday school, my dad makes furniture and also volunteers at the church soup kitchen. I think it's important to have a social outlet and also to feel productive at whatever age.

Is she still married to your father? He needs to help her get a better routine w friends, food, exercise, activities.
Not his job nor yours, I know, but she is just sitting around! Which is not good for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.

Just read a great collection of essays this weekend by Kathy housewife who writes the Cathy comic strip. She says something about people who have to compete about everything , even 'who is the most productive elderly person? Sam is 80 and just ran a marathon! Stella is 68 but could pass for 40! "

I think the original poster and the one proposing screen time for an adult both are embarrassed that they cannot brag about their productive old person alongsidebtheir gifted kid. Lol

[Anonymous]

My parents are in their late 60’s and they are awesome. They’re busy, they travel, they work our almost everyday, they have a very active social life, they always help with my three little kids and they are fun to be with. My DH thinks they are more fun then many of our friends. They each have one charity or non profit they are committed to and they really make a difference. My Dad was a very well known CEO but the day he retired he completely separated himself from that world to be with my mother, his children, grandchildren and friends. I think they are doing it the right way.

[Anonymous]

If the OP really wants to be awesome, she needs to quit carping about her mother and develop an interest in something interesting.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mom was controlling and anxious and it was hard to set boundaries with her but I did (primarily told her I didn't want her to criticize my father to me). She got mad but she respected it. I also learned to stop telling her things because she would use them against me later. It was hard because you're used to sharing stuff with your mom and you shouldn't have to not do that. But I did it and once I got some space from her, my perspective on her changed. Her anxiety didn't affect me anymore and I could treat her like the anxious neighbor lady down the street because her acting anxious doesn't threaten my well-being. I was able to have some compassion once I had boundaries but the boundaries had to come first.

You deserve a better mom! Unfortunately you won't get one. Grieve for her and let her go and take care of yourself. Wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their late 60’s and they are awesome. They’re busy, they travel, they work our almost everyday, they have a very active social life, they always help with my three little kids and they are fun to be with. My DH thinks they are more fun then many of our friends. They each have one charity or non profit they are committed to and they really make a difference. My Dad was a very well known CEO but the day he retired he completely separated himself from that world to be with my mother, his children, grandchildren and friends. I think they are doing it the right way.

Yay! You win, smug mom. Feels good, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their late 60’s and they are awesome. They’re busy, they travel, they work our almost everyday, they have a very active social life, they always help with my three little kids and they are fun to be with. My DH thinks they are more fun then many of our friends. They each have one charity or non profit they are committed to and they really make a difference. My Dad was a very well known CEO but the day he retired he completely separated himself from that world to be with my mother, his children, grandchildren and friends. I think they are doing it the right way.

Yay! You win, smug mom. Feels good, huh?

I bet it does feel good to think your parents are awesome. Don’t be jealous if your’s aren’t.

[Anonymous]

The title of this thread is misleading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread is misleading.

Yes, but 'another thread bitching about my mother' doesn't have quite the same ring, does it?