Is parenting a job?

[Anonymous]

On a different post, someone seemed to be suggesting that being a mother is a job. If you SAH, it's your full-time job, and if you work, then it's a part-time 2nd job.

Do other see it this way? I would be curious why there has been a shift toward some people viewing mothering as a job.

My mother finds it very odd that people she has met who are my age seem to view parenting as a job rather than as fullfilling responsibilities toward someone you love, and having a relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe people are confusing mothering with a job and with work. Parenting is absolutely work - it requires a number of acquired skills, patience, time, etc. It is not a job as it isn't "paid" work and therefore doesn't not come with the same set of clearly defined and required responsibilities, obligations, deadlines, etc. But, I can't imagine many parents arguing that motherhood/fatherhood don't require work and effort, in addition to joy and love. Either way, I'm not sure I see the necessity in defining it as something beyond parenthood. Or of comparing it to a previous generation. It is clearly a unique set of responsibilities and a special place in any person's life, one that they get to define themselves.

[Anonymous]

It's your life...it's not a job, a job should never be your life, it's just something you do.

But really, the semantics don't matter.

[Anonymous]

If you do it all day long, sun-up to sunset, it's a job. That doesn't mean it's not rewarding.

Conversely, going to work and earning a paycheck is also "fulfilling responsibilities toward someone you love".

[Anonymous]

There are several definitions of the word "job". One of them is employment. I think the people are using "job" in the sense of definitions 3(a) and (b) below.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/job

[Anonymous]

I think the confusion comes from the use of the term "parenting" when people mean "caring for a child's bodily and emotional and social needs on a dailly basis".

Certainly the work a nanny does, or a daycare provider does, is a "job". It isn't "parenting" (because they aren't the parents) but it is something else.

I call it "child raising" because to me, that's what the nanny or babysitter is doing -- taking care of the young child, and educating him/her in all the things you teach a baby, toddle, preschooler.

So I would say that "parenting" is simply a way of life, not a job. But "raising a child" is a job. If you do it full time and are paid to do it, it is your full time, paid job (as a nanny). If you do it full time as a stay at home parent, "raising your child" is your full time, unpaid job. If you work for money, that is your paid job; and you have a part-time, unpaid job when you get home, raising your child for the hours you are with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a different post, someone seemed to be suggesting that being a mother is a job. If you SAH, it's your full-time job, and if you work, then it's a part-time 2nd job.

Do other see it this way? I would be curious why there has been a shift toward some people viewing mothering as a job.

My mother finds it very odd that people she has met who are my age seem to view parenting as a job rather than as fullfilling responsibilities toward someone you love, and having a relationship with them.

No, it's not. It is a relationship which entails fulfilling significant obligations for someone you love and chose to bring into your life, over a long period of time.

I think we are the first generation to use the term "parent" as a verb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your life...it's not a job, a job should never be your life, it's just something you do.

But really, the semantics don't matter.

I disagree that the semantics don't matter. They matter a great deal because, as you say, it's your *life*. This is something you do, for someone you love.

When it is discussed as a "job" that is "full-time" (SAHM) or "part-time" (WOHM of preschoolers and all moms of children in school), this suggests that moms who are not "on the job" 24/7 are someone doing less of a "job."

To me, that denigrates the relationship, and indeed, a person's *life*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your life...it's not a job, a job should never be your life, it's just something you do.

But really, the semantics don't matter.

I disagree that the semantics don't matter. They matter a great deal because, as you say, it's your *life*. This is something you do, for someone you love.

When it is discussed as a "job" that is "full-time" (SAHM) or "part-time" (WOHM of preschoolers and all moms of children in school), this suggests that moms who are not "on the job" 24/7 are someone doing less of a "job."

To me, that denigrates the relationship, and indeed, a person's *life*.

I see what you mean about "part time". I think that is pretty derogatory. I SAH. Here is how I see it:

SAH is a job in the sense that it is very demanding to take care of a child all day long. Even things that seem like fun can wear a person down if it's all you do, and you are doing it all the time. When a child is upset and you are with them for fourteen straight hours, it is taxing. That does not mean it's not rewarding, but it will wear you out.

Parenting, whether you work or SAH, is a full-time responsibility. The challenges of a working parent are no different in this regard. Even though you don't cook every meal or change every diaper, you still carry that weight all the time. You are responsible for every aspect of their development, including all their personal challenges, their education, moral upbringing. Any milestone causing them trouble is yours to resolve. And any pain they feel is your burden to carry. Calling it "part-time" does not show due respect to this aspect of the role.

I understand that there is some conflict between working and SAH mothers. I get the sense that it comes from the conflict that mothers feel between these two opportunities (work and mothering) as well as these two obligations (again, work and mothering). But it would be nice to see more understanding.

[Anonymous]

No, it isn't a job. It is making a relationship work. For example, I am a mother and I stay at home with my son. Technically, I don't have a job. I spend my days caring for my son. I agree that these days people have turned being a mother or father or parent into a verb- parenting. It sure FEELS like a job though. Much harder than any other job I've ever had or ever will have! But, no it isn't a job. On the forms I fill out for taxes or financial aid, I don't like my job or occupation as "mother." I put "none" or "not applicable."

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would say parenting is a job or rather, unpaid work, in a technical sense. That doesn't mean you don't love it and that it isn't more rewarding than, say, scheduling metro trains. After all, being a priest or a nun is also work but we would assume that people choose such positions because of their deep faith.

The reality is that if you don't have a partner/spouse to do the caring for your children you have to pay someone to do it. Having a partner/spouse take care of the kids means that you are freed up to put all your efforts into a paid career/job. If you are both trying to take care of kids and advance your career, good luck!

Yes it is something I love but to say it is only something I love and not unpaid work is to avoid the reality that some work (e.g., paid) in our society is considered more important than other work (child-rearing).

For all the pretty words we throw out about the importance of family in our society, I don' t think we actually value children all that much. If we did we would recognize the importance of all the work devoted to raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a different post, someone seemed to be suggesting that being a mother is a job. If you SAH, it's your full-time job, and if you work, then it's a part-time 2nd job.

Do other see it this way? I would be curious why there has been a shift toward some people viewing mothering as a job.

My mother finds it very odd that people she has met who are my age seem to view parenting as a job rather than as fullfilling responsibilities toward someone you love, and having a relationship with them.

This ties in well to the "overparenting' post. Alot of career women that have stepped out of their workforce now treat parenting like a job and are very competitive in it. I think it stems from the fact that since they left the workforce they have this need to be the perfect parent and raise the perfect child. It is a set-up for failure. Many of our mothers did not work, but managed to have fulfilling lives of their own. I think it is damaging when it becomes 'all' about the children. It is not healthy for the child or the parent.

[Anonymous]

To me, this question is only discussed in reference to stay at home parents. Any working parent would say that yes, they have a job, and yes they are parents. Not mutually exclusive and no need to define parenting as a "job" because their sense of identity and worth are also being fulfilled by their profession. No big confusion there.

But, when you get into the murky waters of staying at home, it becomes harder to define. You are obviously a parent, but do you have a job during the day? Well, if someone else watched your kids while you worked, you would be paying for them minding your kids. You wouldn't say they are parenting your kids, but they are minding them and caring for them while you work. Since there is actual economic value (even if it is not paid) that can be assigned to stay at home parents, you could argue this is a job. Just as some people work in family businesses, or are hired to work for siblings or family members, it doesn't detract from the fact they are also working even though they love the people they are working for.

Part of this re-evaluation of parenting as "a job" is the growing realization that women have value in our economy and so if they stay at home, that work has a value and should be treated with respect, too. We haven't even come up with a great term for SAHM (nothing seems to work well), so it is not surprising that calling it a "job" is also problematic.

But, if every household had two working parents, I don't think there would be the same push to call parenting a "job." I think that comes from our generation of work-focused individuals trying to grapple with and define the demands of parenthood, particularly if one is staying home to mind the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would say parenting is a job or rather, unpaid work, in a technical sense. That doesn't mean you don't love it and that it isn't more rewarding than, say, scheduling metro trains. After all, being a priest or a nun is also work but we would assume that people choose such positions because of their deep faith.

The reality is that if you don't have a partner/spouse to do the caring for your children you have to pay someone to do it. Having a partner/spouse take care of the kids means that you are freed up to put all your efforts into a paid career/job. If you are both trying to take care of kids and advance your career, good luck!

Yes it is something I love but to say it is only something I love and not unpaid work is to avoid the reality that some work (e.g., paid) in our society is considered more important than other work (child-rearing).

For all the pretty words we throw out about the importance of family in our society, I don' t think we actually value children all that much. If we did we would recognize the importance of all the work devoted to raising them.

I think this is ridiculous. Parenting is parenting, not a job. I don't think of it as a job when I am home with my kids in the evenings and weekends and I know my DH doesn't think of it as a job when he is home with them in the morning and weekends. That's just silly. So you have a job 24 hours a day or is it only a job from 8-5?

I'm not saying it isn't work, it is hard work to raise children, but so is my marriage. I don't say it's my "job" to learn to communicate with my DH better or make the family dinner. He doesn't say it's his job get my oil changed or do the family laundry. We do these things because it's life and we love each other. Not because it's our job.

As for both parents taking care of kids and advancing careers - we are not trying as you say, but doing. We chose careers that are fulfilling both intellectually, emotionally, and financially. They are also very family friendly so we have no problems with doing both.

I don't think that my paid job is more important than raising my children, but they are not the same thing. Raising my children is life, not a job. Just because you stay home doesn't make it your job.

[Anonymous]

How about this..a SAHM should say "Yes, I have a job. I'm child's nanny during the day. Please don't tell my husband you found me shopping at the mall, having lunch with friends, or chatting on the phone while my kids were watching TV. I don't want to be fired. I hear the SAHM/nanny job opportunities are limited with recession."