Is parenting a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don't think that my paid job is more important than raising my children, but they are not the same thing. Raising my children is life, not a job. Just because you stay home doesn't make it your job.

So SAH parents don't have jobs, or rather in your opinion, don't have a right to call it a job? I'm not the PP, but I think it is "ridiculous" for you to make blanket statements about how others should view their job or work. Obviously, for you, the line is crystal clear. Fine and bully for you. Others view it differently, so just because they disagree with you doesn't make them "silly" or ridiculous.

I know plenty of women who have taken off a year from work to SAHM. They put their career on hold and chose to change jobs, in other words raising their kids during the day instead of working at an office. Why was it their job? Because of what it replaced (professional work) and because they were filling the role that other caregivers would have had (daycare, nanny) during the day. They viewed it that way, you can call it maternity leave if you want, it doesn't change the nature of the work. If you pay a nanny to mind your kids during the day, that is clearly a job, but if you do the exact same work at the exact same time, that isn't a job? Why? Because they are yours? Many folks work for family members, or watch other people's kids alongside their own, we still consider that a "job."

Your definition of "job" is unduly restrictive. Some people pay to have their house cleaned, their yardwork done, their kids watched while they are at work. The people being paid are clearly considering that a job. The exact same job description, when done by yourself, is then not work but your responsibility? Aren't you by DIY actually saving money by farming it out, therefore there is an economic value for the work you are doing? Of course it is is a slippery slope, we don't pay people to do everything for us---but the fact that there is a gray zone and ambiguity there is the exact reason it is not silly or ridiculous to think of these things as "jobs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about this..a SAHM should say "Yes, I have a job. I'm child's nanny during the day. Please don't tell my husband you found me shopping at the mall, having lunch with friends, or chatting on the phone while my kids were watching TV. I don't want to be fired. I hear the SAHM/nanny job opportunities are limited with recession."

And again, a perfectly interesting and intellectually stimulating conversation has to be sidetracked by the tired old WM vs. SAHM debate. Give it a rest, already.

[Anonymous]

OP, to get back to your original question, it seems that you are talking about both parents considering parenting a "job" regardless of their full-time employment status. I do think many of our generation consider parenting in those terms.

Why? I think there are several reasons. One, it is probably more demanding and strenuous than many expected, thus is far greater work. Two, I think many people are waiting to have kids and so have a different expectation of life based on their single, professional lives. In other words, when you get married in your thirties you have had almost 10 years of living as a working individual, therefore the adjustment to parenthood seems more like a "job" as compared to your single life. And lastly, I think many people are more self-oriented or professionally oriented so use the terms "job" loosely and to mean responsibilities to others.

Regardless of how people view it or describe it, it is what it is! Most people who would call parenting the "hardest job they have" also would call it the most rewarding and important in their life. So regardless of terminology, I don't think the importance of the role is being diminished. If anything, I think people take parenting a lot more seriously and this is an example of how corporate terminology and ideas have infiltrated our society at many levels.

[Anonymous]

SAHM is not a job. If you read the thread on overparenting you see some consensus that every moment should not be spent on the child which is an interesting issue for SAHMs. If you aren't spending all the time focused constantly on your kids and you are not working (real job) then what are you doing? Housecleaning? Entertaining yourself? If you have more earning potential than a housecleaner then it doesn't seem right for your family to sacrifice so you get extra fun time.

[Anonymous]

If parenting is a job, then so is being married.

How's that for a comparison?

[Anonymous]

Yep, I'm the CFO of my marriage. It involves great negotiation skills. I'm getting business cards soon to hand out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'm the CFO of my marriage. It involves great negotiation skills. I'm getting business cards soon to hand out.

That sounds like a real 'fun' marriage. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM is not a job. If you read the thread on overparenting you see some consensus that every moment should not be spent on the child which is an interesting issue for SAHMs. If you aren't spending all the time focused constantly on your kids and you are not working (real job) then what are you doing? Housecleaning? Entertaining yourself? If you have more earning potential than a housecleaner then it doesn't seem right for your family to sacrifice so you get extra fun time.

two things I've heard from two SAHMs:
- One doesn't do her husband's laundry - only her own and her children's clothing - b/c her husband is "capable of doing his own." She also has a maid (even though her house could definitely use a makeover - I mean really - What's the sense?).
- Another refuses to keep the house organized and clean - despite her husband's constant nagging - b/c her "job" is to care for her kids. She feels obligated to do crafts with them, to take them to play dates, to enroll them in classes and to volunteer at both schools.

Now, before I'm bashed for being catty about "friends," although we unfortunately run in the same school circles, we are not pals. (And I do work now after being on leave for two years.)

In looking back at my childhood, I am grateful that my mother was able to multitask by ironing, talking on the phone, watching her soap (The Guiding Light), and prepping dinner - all while yelling at me to do my chores. She is my hero!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'm the CFO of my marriage. It involves great negotiation skills. I'm getting business cards soon to hand out.

That sounds like a real 'fun' marriage. Not.

Hey, "Not!" Where's your sense of humor?

I think I'll order three sets of cards: one for my job outside of the home, one for my parenting "position," and a third set for my "wifely duties."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don't think that my paid job is more important than raising my children, but they are not the same thing. Raising my children is life, not a job. Just because you stay home doesn't make it your job.

So SAH parents don't have jobs, or rather in your opinion, don't have a right to call it a job? I'm not the PP, but I think it is "ridiculous" for you to make blanket statements about how others should view their job or work. Obviously, for you, the line is crystal clear. Fine and bully for you. Others view it differently, so just because they disagree with you doesn't make them "silly" or ridiculous.

I know plenty of women who have taken off a year from work to SAHM. They put their career on hold and chose to change jobs, in other words raising their kids during the day instead of working at an office. Why was it their job? Because of what it replaced (professional work) and because they were filling the role that other caregivers would have had (daycare, nanny) during the day. They viewed it that way, you can call it maternity leave if you want, it doesn't change the nature of the work. If you pay a nanny to mind your kids during the day, that is clearly a job, but if you do the exact same work at the exact same time, that isn't a job? Why? Because they are yours? Many folks work for family members, or watch other people's kids alongside their own, we still consider that a "job."

Your definition of "job" is unduly restrictive. Some people pay to have their house cleaned, their yardwork done, their kids watched while they are at work. The people being paid are clearly considering that a job. The exact same job description, when done by yourself, is then not work but your responsibility? Aren't you by DIY actually saving money by farming it out, therefore there is an economic value for the work you are doing? Of course it is is a slippery slope, we don't pay people to do everything for us---but the fact that there is a gray zone and ambiguity there is the exact reason it is not silly or ridiculous to think of these things as "jobs."

I don't know about the rest of you, but - during my childhood - if I ever heard my mother refer to her SAH status as a job, I think I would have cried.

[Anonymous]

I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

Oh - Why did you even post this? Be prepared for some hard hammering, mama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

Just curious. What if your husband didn't make enough money to provide for you and your child? What would you do then? You would HAVE TO outsource the childcare and get a job. There are many very wealthy families in the DC area but there are equally as many families where Daddy doesn't make enough to support Mommy and the kids. So Mommy has to get a job and get someone else to take care of the kids. Never say never. I hope your husband has a great job and never gets sick or gets fired. Or dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

Oh - Why did you even post this? Be prepared for some hard hammering, mama!

I don't really see the point of "hammering" her though I'm sure people will - she does sound extremely self-righteous and sanctimonious though, but hey, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

Just curious. What if your husband didn't make enough money to provide for you and your child? What would you do then? You would HAVE TO outsource the childcare and get a job. There are many very wealthy families in the DC area but there are equally as many families where Daddy doesn't make enough to support Mommy and the kids. So Mommy has to get a job and get someone else to take care of the kids. Never say never. I hope your husband has a great job and never gets sick or gets fired. Or dies.

Oh now you are just being stupid. Why would a woman marry a man who couldn't take care of her? Why would you bother having children if you couldn't stay home?

Re-read her post. There is clearly no other way, in her world.