Is parenting a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mother. For me it's my fulltime job -besides being a wife and homemaker. My paycheck has my husband's name on it, but it is all *our* $$$$ in every way.

If I went to the office every day, I would have to hire a substitute to come in and do what I would do if I didn't outsource my homemaking/parenting job. I am ok with outsourcing the housecleaning, but not the raising/care of our baby. Mothering our baby is not a task that I will delegate to some stranger off the street. While I might want to learn a few things from an expert, I would never allow her to take over MY job of mothering MY baby. In a few years our little one will be ready for a social experience in a larger group, but right now my baby needs no one else but me, and her daddy -when he gets home from his job: providing a living for his family.

Well, bully for you. I don't like the fact that my baby is in daycare, but we need my health insurance for a long term major health issue. Do I feel sad sometimes that somebody else is doing all the things I would love to do for my baby? Yes. But mothering my baby includes making sure she has something as basic as health care. So why don't you get off your frickin' high horse. You might be surprised that your baby could do pretty well without you...Seriously, what was your point..

[Anonymous]

no, No, NO!

Stop hijacking this thread into the WM vs. SAHM debate!!!!

So sad and tired. Really. Not what OP asked, and way to kill what is otherwise an interesting conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no, No, NO!

Stop hijacking this thread into the WM vs. SAHM debate!!!!

So sad and tired. Really. Not what OP asked, and way to kill what is otherwise an interesting conversation.

Please. You do not start a thread like this on DCUM to have an interesting discussion. I'm actually shocked it took this long to break out into a war.

[Anonymous]

What I find interesting is the inability of some of you to allow that others have a different definition of "job." Why? Is it because you don't think what they do is worthy of the title "job"? Is because "job" only means work outside of the home or getting paid in cash? Is it because it somehow implies that they have a choice to choose that "job" over a paying "job"? Why does it matter if other people consider being a SAHM a job.

Why does it upset or threaten you that others call what they do a "job"? How does that effect you in the least?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find interesting is the inability of some of you to allow that others have a different definition of "job." Why? Is it because you don't think what they do is worthy of the title "job"? Is because "job" only means work outside of the home or getting paid in cash? Is it because it somehow implies that they have a choice to choose that "job" over a paying "job"? Why does it matter if other people consider being a SAHM a job.

Why does it upset or threaten you that others call what they do a "job"? How does that effect you in the least?

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know about the rest of you, but - during my childhood - if I ever heard my mother refer to her SAH status as a job, I think I would have cried.

But why? Isn't that what we worked so hard for in the women's liberation movement, to be able to provide real choices to our daughters? The choice to go to work outside the home or to stay at home if they are able to and want to?

No one is saying it is a job to be a mother. The consensus is that being a parent alone is not a "job," but may be viewed as a labor of love or simply having a family. What people are discussing is whether a parent at home can consider the work of watching the children a "job." I think if your mother would have told you that she and your father loved you very much, and that he went to his job at an office while she worked at home to raise you, and that is how you both provided for the family, that wouldn't have been a bad thing.

Don't we want our daughters to have the freedom to live their lives the way they see fit, so they have the ability to make the choice to work at home or work at an office? Why do we have to denigrate one or the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no, No, NO!

Stop hijacking this thread into the WM vs. SAHM debate!!!!

So sad and tired. Really. Not what OP asked, and way to kill what is otherwise an interesting conversation.

Please. You do not start a thread like this on DCUM to have an interesting discussion. I'm actually shocked it took this long to break out into a war.

I actually disagree. I think there have been some very interesting, and intellectually challenging, discussions here from time to time so I am loathe to let this one go to the dogs too quickly.

Plus, it just gets so BORING to hear the mother vs. mother attacks. No one I know in real life acts like this.

[zumbamama]

To me, parenting is like 20 jobs rolled into one...I'm a waitress, a nurse, a caregiver, a chef, a teacher, an entertainer, a maid, a sleep trainer, an event coordinator, a photographer, a handyman, a recreation leader, a security guard, a reading coach, a financial planner...oh the list goes on. But instead of a salary, I am paid with hugs, kisses and I love yous.

[Anonymous]

PP to answer your question - I definitely want my daughter to do what makes her happy. My mom worked for 2 years before quitting right before she had her first child at 24, and was a SAHM and loved it. Now, I'm a WM and I know my mom is so proud of me, and she is a huge help to our family (my parents moved relatively close by a few years ago and it's wonderful to have them around as grandparents.)

I hope I am the same for my daughter - supportive no matter what. I'm WM who in no way looks down, in any way, on SAHMs, other than to say it is not for me - I had a generous maternity leave each time, followed by a three day a week schedule the first few months back, then building to my current four day a week schedule, which is perfect for me.

But, I do think it's important to realize that while we can call it a job, it is important for EVERYONE, especially husbands, policy makers, and heads of companies that set company policy that help decide whether a family can have adequate balance, to be aware that if SAH is a job, the woman is not getting paid and she is not advancing her career or her income potential, nor is she contributing to retirement.

So while it may be a job, the American economy is sure not treating it as such. I don't really have suggestions on what we should do to change this, but I would advise my daughter to take precautions. The SAHMs I know, however, are - by staying networked, by doing a bit of consulting or freelance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would say parenting is a job or rather, unpaid work, in a technical sense. That doesn't mean you don't love it and that it isn't more rewarding than, say, scheduling metro trains. After all, being a priest or a nun is also work but we would assume that people choose such positions because of their deep faith.

The reality is that if you don't have a partner/spouse to do the caring for your children you have to pay someone to do it. Having a partner/spouse take care of the kids means that you are freed up to put all your efforts into a paid career/job. If you are both trying to take care of kids and advance your career, good luck!

Yes it is something I love but to say it is only something I love and not unpaid work is to avoid the reality that some work (e.g., paid) in our society is considered more important than other work (child-rearing).

For all the pretty words we throw out about the importance of family in our society, I don' t think we actually value children all that much. If we did we would recognize the importance of all the work devoted to raising them.

I think this is ridiculous. Parenting is parenting, not a job. I don't think of it as a job when I am home with my kids in the evenings and weekends and I know my DH doesn't think of it as a job when he is home with them in the morning and weekends. That's just silly. So you have a job 24 hours a day or is it only a job from 8-5?

I'm not saying it isn't work, it is hard work to raise children, but so is my marriage. I don't say it's my "job" to learn to communicate with my DH better or make the family dinner. He doesn't say it's his job get my oil changed or do the family laundry. We do these things because it's life and we love each other. Not because it's our job.

As for both parents taking care of kids and advancing careers - we are not trying as you say, but doing. We chose careers that are fulfilling both intellectually, emotionally, and financially. They are also very family friendly so we have no problems with doing both.

I don't think that my paid job is more important than raising my children, but they are not the same thing. Raising my children is life, not a job. Just because you stay home doesn't make it your job.

PP here. I don't stay at home. I work outside my home. But I'm a feminist and I value the unpaid work that caretaker parents (usually women) do. That's why I take this position.

[Anonymous]

Hell. it's not a job - it's an odyssey!
But, for what I would have to pay to have someone else handle all aspects of it, it is cheaper by far to do it myself and give up a paying job for several years. I don;t refer to it as my "job", but my husband does because he said it helps remind him that while he is out working for a paying employer, I am at home taking care of every other aspect of our family's needs so that he can focus on his paid job. My responsibilities include management of all other aspects of our family life. Define it as you will - I don't think sticking a label on it makes it any easier or any harder.

[Anonymous]

I will first admit that I haven't read the whole thread, but my initial reaction when I saw the original question was that I don't think being a SAHM is a job...I think that term is too limiting for what it means to be a parent. I think all of this comes from the fact that for so long, SAHMs were Not respected as they should be and were completely undervalued, and discussing being a SAHM as equivalent to more "typical" jobs outside the home was a way to try and make others see it as valuable and worthy of respect. But in reality, I don't think it's a job. It is its own wonderful thing.