Bilingual - children refusing to learn the language.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| We are bilingual. We do try to talk our language at home but we use English also and have tried to converse mostly in our language. They reply in English. Our kids attend our language class but we have complaints that they never pay attention in class and just do whatever they want to do since they do not understand what is being spoken. They are not even trying. Spouse does not care if they learn the language or not. It took me almost 2 hours to teach 4 easy rhyming sentences that were already taught in class ( it was basically the same sentence with only the first word changing each time) and yet they don't remember. I don't think I can continue like that. I am losing my sanity whenever I try to teach our language. Nothing seems to work and I am just ready to give up. How do you handle this? Do you hire a tutor for the language to do one on one. Any experiences with this? Kids are in ES. |
Anonymous
| Tale as old as America. They don’t want to. You can’t make them. |
Anonymous
| OPOL (one parent one language). Some parents who are serious about bilingualism insist the kids reply in the language. Not sure how old they are, but you could try working toward that. There are OPOL resources out there. |
Anonymous
| Same issue here with DW's language, which I also speak but I'm not a native speaker. We just gave up and spoke English. Then we go back to visit her family in her home country every summer, and their grandparents don't speak much English, so they kind of pick it up along the way. |
Anonymous
| Stop speaking English at home. Although I speak only English, my husband only speaks Spanish to the kids and requires that they respond in Spanish. When they speak English or use an English word even, he looks at them blankly and does not respond. If you keep using English with them, they are not going to really learn your language. We have plenty of books in Spanish and watch TV/movies in Spanish but that's just extra. It's the everyday interactions that lead to learning, not teaching. |
Anonymous
Sounds like she is doing home vs community. I wouldn't switch to OPOL in this case when both parents are native speakers. |
Anonymous
|
I always like the one parent/ one language idea. In your case, you BOTH speak the language, so I’d employ that as the default at home, if only for a while.
You kids likely “get” it, as far as understanding, they just don’t want to. Unfortunately, it’s hard to see the value in bilingualism until you’re much older. |
Anonymous
oops I reread. OP, do not speak english to your kids. DO NOT. Do not respond to them if they speak english either. They must speak in the language or no dice. You can change this. How old are your kids? We raised our kids bilingually and there are lots of supportive boards out there. Don't "teach" the language, just speak it 100%. |
Anonymous
This is what we did. Basic manners to reply in the language in which you were addressed. We insisted. |
Anonymous
|
Do you have disciplinary problems in general, or are there special needs that need to be considered? I say this with concern, OP, if you can't make them do what you want now in elementary, you will have significant issues in middle and high school. We are French and know plenty of parents who send their children to weekend native language schools (French, German, Spanish, Japanese, Hindi). There is a pattern to it. Students in elementary generally are resistant because their school friends get their weekends off, then if parents insist, they start to understand the benefits of learning their native language in middle and high school, as they see their school peers taking language electives and realizing that they're already ahead in that respect 
So you absolutely need to stick it out. I advise you to discipline them every time the teacher reports misbehavior in class, since that is a respect issue, and why I asked whether your children had disciplinary problems in general. Please do not respond when they talk to you in anything but your native language. When they want something, they ask for it politely in your language. Another good option I would encourage you to add is to only allow video/movies in your native language (your husband can watch the news and other things after they go to bed, or on his laptop with earbuds). Read to them at bedtime in your native language, and stop to answer all their questions. Make it fun. Go hardcore and it will pay off later. The key to all parenting (and other relationships!) in your life is to have more willpower and follow-through than anyone else around you... been there, done that. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I was a kid where my parents spoke a second language at home but I lost it. It's common, it goes like this: the kids speak and understand it just fine before they go to school. Once they enter school, they start wanting to speak English more (it's what they speak all day at school, it's easier to keep using it than switch back at home, sometimes it seems "uncool" to speak that language). So you end up in a situation where you speak the second language to them and they reply in English.
They will have perfect understanding, but eventually will lose the ability to speak even if they wanted to. The brain is very weird: if I thought to myself, I want to say "there is a red car and a blue car on the street in front of me" in my parents' language, I cannot think of the words or how to say it. My mind just draws a blank. But if someone said that to me in that language, I know what was said. Must be something about brain pathways. I regret not keeping up with that language; your kids probably will too as adults but it's hard for kids to understand. Maybe take them to travel in a country where they speak that language or try making it a game where you have to keep conversation going and first one to switch to english loses? |
Anonymous
|
I grew up myself in bilingual household, so sharing my own and my kids experiences:
Don’t speak English to your kids. I am ok if they respond in English, because they are just better at expressing themselves. Language school is great to give them basics to teach them to read and write. Don’t expect more. Also, from my and my kids experiences, the students speak mostly English among each other. Immersion helps the most, if you are able to spend time in your home country - a month or so, that may have lots of interaction. Read read read - which may not be so easy given that they also need to read in English, but it helps their vocabulary. Tv and YouTube help as well. It’s all phases. So persevere in speaking only your language with your kids, and something with sink in. |
Anonymous
Agree with all to this! We went hard core and my high school student already appreciates how strong he is in the second language. We only allowed screen time if in the other language. Babysitters always only spoke the language. We required them to respond in the language. It is normal for them to try to push it because it is easier for them in the community language, but it is worth it to be strict. You don't let your kids run in the street, you require them to eat with silverware and flush the toilet. This is just another non-negotiable. If you can travel to your home country regularly that makes a huge difference. Go for it. |
Anonymous
|
Don't make this into an issue that makes your kid withdraw from you.
Language attrition is real. The kid is not being naughty. |
Anonymous
| I think the research says you need to use the language through about age 6-7 as the brain prunes away a language you aren't using at that age. If you keep it active through this pruning period, then much of it is retained. So maybe keep at it, even if they don't respond. |