S/O Crammers vs. Need Spacers: Let's do this

[Anonymous]

For the sake of this discussion, "Crammers" are family/friends who have no problem sharing tight quarters and sub-par conditions for the sake of family togetherness, and Need Spacers are those who have tried and simply can't live that way, even for a few days, even Because Family.

I see it both ways, I really do. But here's what I don't get. Crammers claim to be so laid back and go with the flow, and it's all good and whatever works...until someone doesn't see the world exactly the same way they do. Crammers put guilt trips upon Need Spacers, and cast them as "rigid," "inflexible," and "your priorities are all off," Because Family. If you were truly flexible and down for whatever works, you would let the Need Spacers do what they need to do.

And for the record, I don't think all kids are inherently Crammers who have a jolly good time sleeping 10 deep in Grandma's living room. I can remember tons of sleepless nights at my family's lake cottage with this approach. Yes, it was fun and a great adventure, in many ways. But I was sleepless, anxious and uncomfortable. As a parent now, I know myself, and I know my kids, and we are just not going to be Crammers unless there are truly extreme circumstances at play.

Enjoy cramming--and I truly mean that! But if someone doesn't want to, just move on and leave them alone. If you don't, YOU are the rigid, inflexible one who can't go with the flow.

[Anonymous]

you sound neurotic OP. "Crammers" allow loved ones into their space, because, family/friends etc. But we don't force others to host us or to host others. We just make "need spacers" look selfish and that's what you're upset about.

[Anonymous]

I don't know any Crammers.

Thank goodness for that.

[Anonymous]

There’s actually a link between extroversion and narcissistic tendencies. Not every single time, I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you sound neurotic OP. "Crammers" allow loved ones into their space, because, family/friends etc. But we don't force others to host us or to host others. We just make "need spacers" look selfish and that's what you're upset about.

Tell me exactly how it is selfish to know yourself, know what you are comfortable with, and be honest and realistic about that?

I have no problem with the fun kind of Crammers who simply do what they want and enjoy. But it is the kind who lay guilt trips, whine, passive-aggressively pursue what they want and won't let up that I take issue with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound neurotic OP. "Crammers" allow loved ones into their space, because, family/friends etc. But we don't force others to host us or to host others. We just make "need spacers" look selfish and that's what you're upset about.

Tell me exactly how it is selfish to know yourself, know what you are comfortable with, and be honest and realistic about that?

I have no problem with the fun kind of Crammers who simply do what they want and enjoy. But it is the kind who lay guilt trips, whine, passive-aggressively pursue what they want and won't let up that I take issue with.

Well then you don't have issues with all Crammers OP, just whiny, passive aggressive ones. See, you learned something today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound neurotic OP. "Crammers" allow loved ones into their space, because, family/friends etc. But we don't force others to host us or to host others. We just make "need spacers" look selfish and that's what you're upset about.

Tell me exactly how it is selfish to know yourself, know what you are comfortable with, and be honest and realistic about that?

I have no problem with the fun kind of Crammers who simply do what they want and enjoy. But it is the kind who lay guilt trips, whine, passive-aggressively pursue what they want and won't let up that I take issue with.

Well then you don't have issues with all Crammers OP, just whiny, passive aggressive ones. See, you learned something today!

There's probably a Kinsey Scale or similar of Extreme Crammers and Rigid Need Spacers. Both extreme ends are annoying.

[Anonymous]

What is the definition of cramming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the definition of cramming?

Someone who is more welcoming to guests than the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the definition of cramming?

Someone who is more welcoming to guests than the OP.

People who get excited about being with family and friends (which is a good thing) to the point of being unrealistic: Why yes, we can make 8 adults and 7 kids under the age of 8 work in a two-bedroom, 1-bathroom house for 5 nights. No problem. Anyone who questions this or grumbles is a horrible person who hates their family. (That's where it turns into a bad thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of this discussion, "Crammers" are family/friends who have no problem sharing tight quarters and sub-par conditions for the sake of family togetherness, and Need Spacers are those who have tried and simply can't live that way, even for a few days, even Because Family.

I see it both ways, I really do. But here's what I don't get. Crammers claim to be so laid back and go with the flow, and it's all good and whatever works...until someone doesn't see the world exactly the same way they do. Crammers put guilt trips upon Need Spacers, and cast them as "rigid," "inflexible," and "your priorities are all off," Because Family. If you were truly flexible and down for whatever works, you would let the Need Spacers do what they need to do.

And for the record, I don't think all kids are inherently Crammers who have a jolly good time sleeping 10 deep in Grandma's living room. I can remember tons of sleepless nights at my family's lake cottage with this approach. Yes, it was fun and a great adventure, in many ways. But I was sleepless, anxious and uncomfortable. As a parent now, I know myself, and I know my kids, and we are just not going to be Crammers unless there are truly extreme circumstances at play.

Enjoy cramming--and I truly mean that! But if someone doesn't want to, just move on and leave them alone. If you don't, YOU are the rigid, inflexible one who can't go with the flow.

Some do, some don't. You want to make a point, but the point you are making is that you overgeneralize from you experience. Some "crammers" may claim to be laid-back, others might be more motivated by financial constraints, for example. Some put guilt trips on others, some don't. Some "need spacers" are overwhelmed by sharing space with too many people, others are inflexible princesses who can't imagine having to share a bathroom with more than one other person and are unwilling to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of this discussion, "Crammers" are family/friends who have no problem sharing tight quarters and sub-par conditions for the sake of family togetherness, and Need Spacers are those who have tried and simply can't live that way, even for a few days, even Because Family.

I see it both ways, I really do. But here's what I don't get. Crammers claim to be so laid back and go with the flow, and it's all good and whatever works...until someone doesn't see the world exactly the same way they do. Crammers put guilt trips upon Need Spacers, and cast them as "rigid," "inflexible," and "your priorities are all off," Because Family. If you were truly flexible and down for whatever works, you would let the Need Spacers do what they need to do.

And for the record, I don't think all kids are inherently Crammers who have a jolly good time sleeping 10 deep in Grandma's living room. I can remember tons of sleepless nights at my family's lake cottage with this approach. Yes, it was fun and a great adventure, in many ways. But I was sleepless, anxious and uncomfortable. As a parent now, I know myself, and I know my kids, and we are just not going to be Crammers unless there are truly extreme circumstances at play.

Enjoy cramming--and I truly mean that! But if someone doesn't want to, just move on and leave them alone. If you don't, YOU are the rigid, inflexible one who can't go with the flow.

Some do, some don't. You want to make a point, but the point you are making is that you overgeneralize from you experience. Some "crammers" may claim to be laid-back, others might be more motivated by financial constraints, for example. Some put guilt trips on others, some don't. Some "need spacers" are overwhelmed by sharing space with too many people, others are inflexible princesses who can't imagine having to share a bathroom with more than one other person and are unwilling to compromise.

That's a fair point. Please modify my OP in your mind to say "Extreme Crammers" lay guilt trips, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the definition of cramming?

Someone who is more welcoming to guests than the OP.

People who get excited about being with family and friends (which is a good thing) to the point of being unrealistic: Why yes, we can make 8 adults and 7 kids under the age of 8 work in a two-bedroom, 1-bathroom house for 5 nights. No problem. Anyone who questions this or grumbles is a horrible person who hates their family. (That's where it turns into a bad thing.)

Oh... people do that? Like, what would be the sleeping arrangements in that situation?
I guess I don't mind cramming children over the age of 3 into 1 room. But yea, I don't want to share a room with someone other than my spouse. I don't even want to share a room with my kids, to be honest - that's not a vacation to me. And I don't want to sleep in a couch bed or in a space that's not otherwise a bedroom. I wouldn't really mind sharing the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Team Need Spacers!

[Anonymous]

If you pressure me to cram and win, you’ll get the most stressed and anxious version of me. Congrats! You won!