S/O Crammers vs. Need Spacers: Let's do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you pressure me to cram and win, you’ll get the most stressed and anxious version of me. Congrats! You won!

And other people aren’t bothered by sharing with other people. I shared a room with my sibling growing up and then had roommates in college. There are many more things I find more stressful than sharing a room with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you pressure me to cram and win, you’ll get the most stressed and anxious version of me. Congrats! You won!

And other people aren’t bothered by sharing with other people. I shared a room with my sibling growing up and then had roommates in college. There are many more things I find more stressful than sharing a room with others.

That's fantastic. No one is telling you not to bunk close with as many people who want to, and enjoy! No one is telling you not to stay somewhere where you feel comfortable and happy.

That's all fine, as long as you're not guilt-tripping people who do need space, telling them they don't prioritize family, gossiping about how selfish they are, etc. Them meeting their own needs is not a horrible thing. Don't make it some big, dramatic point of contention. Tell them to enjoy their hotel, or what have you.

[Anonymous]

Agree OP. I posted on the other thread about growing up in a family of 8 in a 600 sq ft space. I love spending time with my family and extended relatives but I'm not about that life anymore. Perfectly happy paying for a hotel room close to inlaws and parents-without guilting them- if they will have other guests over at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Need Spacers!

I’m a need spacer. Actually, I will happily sleep in a closet so long as I have that privacy. I can usually get a private room for family gatherings or work travel because I have health issues.

As a child, I had 10 first cousins close in age to me. I was allowed to sleep in my grandmother’s bed because I didn’t kick.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, some crammers can be such hypocrites.

I recently went to Vegas with my sister and cousins. There were five of us. I wanted to get three rooms, and draw straws or alternate who got the alone room; I even offered to get my own room and pay for it myself, but they didn't like that they would have to split the other two rooms four ways instead of fine.

It will be fine, they said! So and so can share a bed, it's fun, it's like when we were kids, it is no problem!

Well, well, well. When push came to shove, no one wanted to share a bed, or be in the room that had 3 occupants instead of two. I said I'll stay in the 3 occupant room as long as I had the bed to myself. Oh, and how I was called selfish and a diva then! I reminded them that I wanted to get 3 rooms, and offered to pay for one by myself. Where was the "it's fine it's fun yay" attitude then?

I held my ground. If y'all are fine cramming, go cram. I'm not sharing a bed.

[Anonymous]

I just assume that Crammers are middle/LMC or were raised that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the definition of cramming?

Someone who is more welcoming to guests than the OP.

People who get excited about being with family and friends (which is a good thing) to the point of being unrealistic: Why yes, we can make 8 adults and 7 kids under the age of 8 work in a two-bedroom, 1-bathroom house for 5 nights. No problem. Anyone who questions this or grumbles is a horrible person who hates their family. (That's where it turns into a bad thing.)

OMG!!
People like OP are so sickening. They only see things in extremes and then try to passive aggressively fuss anyone who does things differently .
Not everyone is either a Crammer or Need Spacer.
Some of us like what we like but will sometimes step out of our confirm zone if the situation calls for it. And that means sometimes we be more crammed than we like or deal with more space than we like.
Grow up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you pressure me to cram and win, you’ll get the most stressed and anxious version of me. Congrats! You won!

And other people aren’t bothered by sharing with other people. I shared a room with my sibling growing up and then had roommates in college. There are many more things I find more stressful than sharing a room with others.

That's fantastic. No one is telling you not to bunk close with as many people who want to, and enjoy! No one is telling you not to stay somewhere where you feel comfortable and happy.

That's all fine, as long as you're not guilt-tripping people who do need space, telling them they don't prioritize family, gossiping about how selfish they are, etc. Them meeting their own needs is not a horrible thing. Don't make it some big, dramatic point of contention. Tell them to enjoy their hotel, or what have you.

Wow !! You went really dramatically with that one.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem having guests stay with us. We've had family members stay for a year, friends stay for several months, people who stay for a few days - everything.

But I don't want to stay at anyone's house. Hotel every time.

[Anonymous]

It's rude to put someone on the spot to "cram" themselves into accommodations. If that is something that YOU like to do - great! But to guilt others into doing it is plain selfish and maybe even a bit passive aggressive of the person inviting (and insisting) that you do this.

I'm in my mid 50's and the idea of sleeping on the basement floor in a sleeping bag was fine when I was a kid but it would be really uncomfortable for me now. Sharing a room with someone other than my husband would be very awkward. I haven't done that since my college days in the dorms.

I value my privacy and I need a certain amount of time to myself. Maybe I would share a hotel room if I was traveling with a friend but no way would I cram into a room with a bunch of grown women. Sorry, that sounds stressful and miserable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you pressure me to cram and win, you’ll get the most stressed and anxious version of me. Congrats! You won!

And other people aren’t bothered by sharing with other people. I shared a room with my sibling growing up and then had roommates in college. There are many more things I find more stressful than sharing a room with others.

Sharing a room/bathroom with 1 or 2 people when you're young and single is not the same as sharing a 2bed/1 ba house between 8+ people including kids as a married adult.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP; need-spacer here from a family of crammers. We've traveled extensively as a family and I vividly remember staying in youth hostels with my parents and siblings well into my 20's. Which seems cool, until you're sharing a bunk bed with a random German guy and using a communal bathroom in Mexico city. They always acted like I was such a princess for not being totally psyched about this; while I loved our family travel, I hated being made to feel like the stick in the mud because I wanted some privacy. When I had a child in my 30's and realized I could put my foot down and just pay for my own hotel it was a huge revelation.

[Anonymous]

It’s all about boundaries. If your boundary is “I need to have alone time and private space,” that’s chill. If your boundary is “I need to save money/do anything to make this visit work,” that’s cool too. What’s no good at all is trying to force your priorities on someone else.

[Anonymous]

As I mentioned in the prior post, I was raised cramming into my grandparents’ place with my aunts, uncles, and cousins and I really enjoyed that time with my cousins. In general I would stay we are still crammers with close relatives. It’s not a money thing but more that we can all spend more time with out of town family that way. DH and I are on the same page with this.
I certainly wouldn’t force anyone to cram with me! If they want to get their own hotel, fine.

I’m a 37 y/o mother of 3, & I’m going on a girl’s wknd away in a few weeks, and I said to my friends: I will get as many or as few hotel rooms as people want and I can share a bed or not share a bed.

I’m friends with all these people and will continue to be! But those that would share a bed, I probably feel we are loving, kindred spirits

[Anonymous]

My definition of cramming is if everyone doesn’t have their own bed in a non-common space room. Adult couples should have a queen or king bed. Young kids can share a double bed or have air mattresses in a shared room.