last name dilemma

[Anonymous]

DH and I have different last names, and we keep going back and forth about which one to give the kid. He wants to give it both of our last names, but neither of them would really work as a middle name, and anyway we have family names we want to use as middle names, and I don't love the idea of giving our kid 4 names! I definitely don't want to saddle the kid with a hyphenated last name, especially since neither DH nor I bothered to hyphenate our last names and instead just kept our own.

What have others done in this situation? Most of my girlfriends changed their names and those that kept their own last name used it for their kid's middle name. Is the default always to give the kid the man's last name?

[Anonymous]

I kept my name, but we gave our son my husband's last name, since he was the only male in his family. We used a family name from my side as the middle name, but not my last name since it sounded weird. Also, I got final say on first and middle names, since he got the surname!

[Anonymous]

How about giving DC your last name, using a hybrid of your mothers' maiden names (see http://eric_goldman.tripod.com/personal/namechange.htm) or combining your and DH's name (eg mayor of LA, Antonio Villaraigosa's last name is a combination of his last name, Villar and his ex?-wife, Corina Raigosa).

[Anonymous]

Give your child your husband's last name. If you give your child your last name, it will look like you were a single mom or a divorced mom who got remarried and your husband is the step father.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore 9:40. That's ridiculous in the 21st century. Why not hyphenate? It's really the only fair way to deal with it. Let them decide when they are an adult how to handle any name changes (in case they want to change their name when they get married).

[Anonymous]

I kept my name, and we gave our daughter her father's last name.

[Anonymous]

In our culture, most people give their kids their husband's last name.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name, and the kids have their dad's name. His name has a longer family tradition (mine was adopted 100 years ago). It is also more interesting, less common, and more specific to one region of the world. It would mean more to his family that our children took his name than it would mean to my family. My kids still know that they are part of the X family (my last name) even though they have the Y family name--and dd says that she plans to keep her own name.

Another female friend kept her name, and the kids have her name. In that case, hers was the name that was much more interesting, less common, and more specific to one region of the world. She was also an only child and wanted to preserve the name.

[Anonymous]

I kept my last name, my husband kept his and our 6 yo daughter has a hyphenated last name. It really hasn't been too much of a problem thus far, but my husband's last name is only 4 letters, which might make it easier.

[Anonymous]

We hyphenated our dd's last name. It hasn't been inconvenient. Sometimes I think about what she'll do if she marries someone who also has a hyphenated last name and what they'll do for their children, but I figure that's her problem not mine.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 names (2 middle ones) and it's not been a problem. Ever.

[Anonymous]

My husband & I have different last names, and our son has his last name, but if we had a girl, she would have had my name. That was our way of doing 50/50 odds on names (the girl/boy choice had more to do with sounding better with the first names we picked than anything else.) In both cases, the other parent's name would have been the middle name, which is traditional in my family.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I guess I'm not totally against hyphenating the kid's last name, especially since both of our last names are one syllable each. It just seemed kind of unfair to the kid (re: the whole what will s/he do in the case of getting married), but I like the whole "s/he can deal with that" approach! It does seem to be the fairest way to go about it. Plus it will drive my mom crazy - bonus!

[Anonymous]

i'm married to someone with a hyphenated last name; i kept my name, and figuring out what to do with the kid's name has sucked. just saying...

[Anonymous]

Kept my name and we gave the kid four names, no hyphenation. I wanted her to have my grandmother's name for her middle name and I wanted her to have my last name in her name but I don't go for hyphenation. It was a little confusing for the school bureaucracy but not unworkable.