Spouse becoming more clingy

[Anonymous]

We are at the 60 year plus mark and I have noticed my spouse becoming more clingy in general. I need a certain amount of alone time in my day to day life and used to revel in the few times I would have the house to myself, or go on a long weekend by myself. DH still works, but it seems like he is always around, waiting for me to do things with him. If I talk about a weekend away, he automatically assumes I am talking about both of us. We also have two young adult children who live at home and I never get alone time other than during my extremely long commute (2-3 hrs/day). This makes my DH"s behavior even more irritating. Anyone else notice this in their spouse?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s you? Your issue with alone time. If I talk about a weekend away, my dh would assume he was involved too unless otherwise noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s you? Your issue with alone time. If I talk about a weekend away, my dh would assume he was involved too unless otherwise noted.

f he hasn't been like this previously and is like this now, it's not OP. Shut up and go away.

OP, you should talk to him about it. Perhaps he is worried and this is the result of that worry. Best person to ask and fix this is him, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s you? Your issue with alone time. If I talk about a weekend away, my dh would assume he was involved too unless otherwise noted.

f he hasn't been like this previously and is like this now, it's not OP. Shut up and go away.

OP, you should talk to him about it. Perhaps he is worried and this is the result of that worry. Best person to ask and fix this is him, though.

Shut up and go away? So thoughtful.

I wasn’t trying to be mean. It IS possible that her dh hasn’t changed, but SHE has. Her reaction to him has changed. You know how when a person is tired or stressed out they might react entirely differently to a typical situation. If op has a crazy commute and adult children living at home, maybe she’s stretched thin. But maybe her husband isn’t clingy and he doesn’t need to be “fixed”—maybe op needs a change and needs to speak up. Nothing wrong with acknowledging our own issues. I’m not saying this is 100% what is going on, how would I know? But it’s always good to think about all angles.

[Anonymous]

Most women my age, 63, would like their husbands to spend time with them rather than playing golf or watching tv. I can’t fathom going away on a weekend for alone time.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the responses! As I was writing the original post, I did realize that the "change" in his behavior might actually be due to my life situation at this point and my own reactions to it. I can imagine him wondering why his DW has become so standoffish! He also had a couple of health scares this winter so maybe that is part of it. To the PP who can't imagine wanting to take a solitary weekend, I can't imagine needing to be with someone else constantly. I guess we're all different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Most women my age, 63, would like their husbands to spend time with them rather than playing golf or watching tv. I can’t fathom going away on a weekend for alone time.

OP again. I am curious how you feel you speak for "most women". I know lots of women like myself who love getting away independently.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did he used to do with his free time? You said that you were able to go away by yourself before. I think he is feeling more vulnerable after the health scares. Also, he may be seeing that his career is winding down and looking to his home life for affirmation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did he used to do with his free time? You said that you were able to go away by yourself before. I think he is feeling more vulnerable after the health scares. Also, he may be seeing that his career is winding down and looking to his home life for affirmation.

These are very good insights, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Most women my age, 63, would like their husbands to spend time with them rather than playing golf or watching tv. I can’t fathom going away on a weekend for alone time.

OP again. I am curious how you feel you speak for "most women". I know lots of women like myself who love getting away independently.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Most women my age, 63, would like their husbands to spend time with them rather than playing golf or watching tv. I can’t fathom going away on a weekend for alone time.

OP again. I am curious how you feel you speak for "most women". I know lots of women like myself who love getting away independently.

Then there's something wrong with your marriage. I think it's a very odd post.

- DP

[Anonymous]

What may be coming across in a way that is making some posters uncomfortable is language in the OP describing her husband's behavior as "even more irritating."

OP, my question for you is: why are you perplexed and upset by your DH's behavior when you know the answer has a lot to do with his health scares? There's no real mystery here. Why is it mysterious to you? Additionally, you're clearly upset, and to the point where you're describing your DH's behavior in terms that express distaste for him.

You wrote to ask for perspective, and I hope you find this perspective helpful as you think through these changes in your relationship with your husband and with yourself.
Good luck, I hope you find your answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Most women my age, 63, would like their husbands to spend time with them rather than playing golf or watching tv. I can’t fathom going away on a weekend for alone time.

OP again. I am curious how you feel you speak for "most women". I know lots of women like myself who love getting away independently.

Then there's something wrong with your marriage. I think it's a very odd post.

- DP

I don’t. Not every person/couple is the same, imagine that. — DP

[Anonymous]

Why not divorce? I mean if you don't want to be with him, what' left in that relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have the opposite problem. I want to travel and do various things and DH has become more of a homebody. So this past year I have just started taking some trips on my own. Or I will say I am doing this, do you want to join me. But it’s not a negotiation, it’s just a question of wether he wants come along or not. I am not an introvert and don’t like alone time so longer term will need to find travel companions or organized trips like college alumni trips.

Op it sounds like you need to have a conversation with him to align your interests. And it’s also time to get your adult kids out of the house.