New relationship, now he may be moving. Advice?

[Skyeblue]

I'm a single mom of a 7 yo who has dated very little. When DD was 5 I dipped my toe in the water and have proceeded cautiously. Six mos ago I met someone special and things have gone well; a month ago I let him and DD interact in a group setting (had a dinner party with other guys/couples), and he's been out to dinner with DD and I once. He is divorced with 2 teen daughters who live in New England with their mom; he is here in DC on assignment with a fed agency, ostensibly permanently.

We spoke last night and he is interviewing for a job in Worcester, Mass. We're going to talk in more detail this weekend, but he gently probed in the conversation how I felt about relocating there.

I don't plan to, for a few big reasons, most notably we're just not at that stage in the relationship. And, I'd never move DD and I for a guy unless he was the one and marriage was imminent, which is not where we are at. Finally, because the job puts him closer to his teen DD's, I'd never discourage him from taking it.

We're going to talk in more detail this weekend, but I'm not sure how much more I have to add to the conversation. He'll either take this job or not, of his own accord, and for his own reasons. I feel really sad at the thought of losing him. This is just the way it goes sometimes, right?

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is how the cookie sometimes crumbles. Is your child's father involved? What would he say about you taking DS 400 miles away?

[Skyeblue]

I had DD as a single person, so her family is all of the grandparents/aunts/uncles/myself (that's why I didn't mention another parent in the post; it's just me. My family isn't local but visits frequently).

[Anonymous]

Thanks for clarifying. This is a tough situation. Six months is way too soon to make a commitment, especially one that involves a major life change. The two of you are going to have to work it out.

[Skyeblue]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for clarifying. This is a tough situation. Six months is way too soon to make a commitment, especially one that involves a major life change. The two of you are going to have to work it out.

OP here, agreed. Six mos is enough to know I want to see what we can become, but not enough to know what we are. Wish we had another year to just date and move slowly. Doesn't look like that's in the cards though.

[Anonymous]

If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

I don't think that's true since it would move him closer to his daughters. That is always going to come first.

[Anonymous]

I am a single Mom like you, so I get it. Dating in the DC area is very hard. I would really consider moving.

This doesn't mean that you need to move without being married but if he is a good man, who adores your kid, and has long-term potential then you should really consider it. I would only do it if I could easily find another job that had long-term career potential.

[Anonymous]

Skyeblue wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for clarifying. This is a tough situation. Six months is way too soon to make a commitment, especially one that involves a major life change. The two of you are going to have to work it out.

OP here, agreed. Six mos is enough to know I want to see what we can become, but not enough to know what we are. Wish we had another year to just date and move slowly. Doesn't look like that's in the cards though.

Just tell him that you're sad to see him go and wish that you two would have another year of dating. I don't know about his situation, but if he sees something special in your relationship, he can find way to stay for another year. It seems it would be easier for him to stay than for you to move. If he can't, well, it's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

If she was into him, she would move! But that's a silly way to think about it. Op is putting her child first and he is putting his kids first by wanting to be close to them. It doesn't matter how they feel about each other after 6 months, kids come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

If she was into him, she would move! But that's a silly way to think about it. Op is putting her child first and he is putting his kids first by wanting to be close to them. It doesn't matter how they feel about each other after 6 months, kids come first.

+1 to all of what PP^ said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

If she was into him, she would move! But that's a silly way to think about it. Op is putting her child first and he is putting his kids first by wanting to be close to them. It doesn't matter how they feel about each other after 6 months, kids come first.

+1 to all of what PP^ said

+2. This is why it's hard to date with kids. Dating is hard enough even when you're able to prioritize finding a mate over nearly everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

This, or even apply for it.

[Anonymous]

Why not try long distance for a while and see how the relationship progresses? Breaking up seems premature. Arrange to see each other once a month or so and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was into you, he wouldn't take tbe job.

If she was into him, she would move! But that's a silly way to think about it. Op is putting her child first and he is putting his kids first by wanting to be close to them. It doesn't matter how they feel about each other after 6 months, kids come first.

She isnt going to move with no ring. What idiot woukd do that?