At what age did you stop reading DS texts, etc?

[Anonymous]

My DS son is 14 and has had a phone for several years (no internet access). I have his password and he knows I check his phone. I also ask him occasionally to open snaps in front of me.

His starting to bristle and now is interested in a girl that he snaps with. I intend to continue for now, but at what age did you stop? I know kids can get into all sorts of trouble for many more years, but I want to respect him privacy, especially with girlfriends. I will continue to be looking over his shoulder in other ways.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

18, when he starts paying for it himself

[Anonymous]

Basically never started. He got the talk about how to avoid being arrested and that's it. He's finished med school and never had any problems so it worked out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Ha, that is what I thought, and what I have told my DS. But it does seem wrong.

Does your DS/DD have a boy/girl friend? How do you handle that?

[Anonymous]

"His starting to bristle and now is interested in a girl that he snaps with." -- which is exactly why you should be even more assertive about it.

You're paying for that phone. You're feeding him and putting a roof over his head. Above all, you are his parent. He has no right to keep his communications secret from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, that is what I thought, and what I have told my DS. But it does seem wrong.

Does your DS/DD have a boy/girl friend? How do you handle that?

You tell them to NEVER write anything you wouldn't want the whole world to see. Your parents seeing it is far from the worst thing, and if they can't handle that, they need to be schooled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically never started. He got the talk about how to avoid being arrested and that's it. He's finished med school and never had any problems so it worked out just fine.

So basically he was a teen when the iPhone just came out, probably in college before FB was even an app?

Very helpful.

[Anonymous]

It sounds invasive, so I can understand why he would bristle.

[Anonymous]

My DD is turning 16 in a week and thinks I should stop. I won't. I've learned some important things that have informed my parenting decisions in the last year. I monitor more loosely than I used to and I don't typically directly confront her with what I've learned. But I do take the information I gather and use it to inform my parenting. I by no way have a full picture of her life because so much is conducted on SnapChat, but I know a lot more than she tells me (re who's drinking, who's vaping, how serious she and her BF are etc.) She occasionally complains about my "stalking" but she'd also admit that one phone call I made to her after reading her texts on my IPAD was "timely" and perhaps even appreciated. I also know that she flat out lies to me sometimes. I get that she's probably lying to preserve her privacy/independence and I sure as heck didn't tell my parents everything when I was 16. Perhaps that's why I'm not going to "rub it in her face" when I read her texts or IG. But, it is my phone. And it is my job to keep her safe, so I'll use the tools I have to do my job.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. Sounds like me.

But how do you monitor when almost EVERYTHING is done by Snap these days?

I also know my DS tells little lies here and there. Makes me sad, but then I realized I didn't always tell truth either.

But at what point do you dish out some serious discipline for lies? (I am not talking lies that could harm them, such as saying they don't do drugs when they do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically never started. He got the talk about how to avoid being arrested and that's it. He's finished med school and never had any problems so it worked out just fine.

So basically he was a teen when the iPhone just came out, probably in college before FB was even an app?

Very helpful.

Yea, no offense pp, but things have changed alot since your kid was in high school.

I'd ease off as the kid got closer to 18, but at 14 I'd make sure my kid (and the girlfriend!) knew that I could check in on the phone at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha, that is what I thought, and what I have told my DS. But it does seem wrong.

Does your DS/DD have a boy/girl friend? How do you handle that?

You tell them to NEVER write anything you wouldn't want the whole world to see. Your parents seeing it is far from the worst thing, and if they can't handle that, they need to be schooled.

+1

I tell my kids that they have the same amount of privacy on their phone as I have on my work phone. That is, none. There is no reasonable expectation of privacy. I own the device, not them. And nothing you post or text or email is really private. So I don't read everything, but I do reserve the right to check at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Sounds like me.

But how do you monitor when almost EVERYTHING is done by Snap these days?

I also know my DS tells little lies here and there. Makes me sad, but then I realized I didn't always tell truth either.

But at what point do you dish out some serious discipline for lies? (I am not talking lies that could harm them, such as saying they don't do drugs when they do).

I have her IG login so can see feed and read DMs and her Apple ID is linked to my IPAD so I can read her texts. Good question on the lying. I’d punish her if I caught her lying about where she was going and whether there were parents there. I’ve made it clear when I think she’s BSing me about something. I basically pretend I’m all knowing even when ai’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha, that is what I thought, and what I have told my DS. But it does seem wrong.

Does your DS/DD have a boy/girl friend? How do you handle that?

You tell them to NEVER write anything you wouldn't want the whole world to see. Your parents seeing it is far from the worst thing, and if they can't handle that, they need to be schooled.

+1

I tell my kids that they have the same amount of privacy on their phone as I have on my work phone. That is, none. There is no reasonable expectation of privacy. I own the device, not them. And nothing you post or text or email is really private. So I don't read everything, but I do reserve the right to check at any time.

+1 I'm the same. I don't always check it, in fact I rarely do but my DD knows that I could check at any time. She is 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically never started. He got the talk about how to avoid being arrested and that's it.

+1. I didn't/don't read any of my kids' texts, and it seems to be working out fine so far.