s/o #2 - did anyone's second child NOT almost break their marriage?

[Anonymous]

I'm due with #2 in May and the thread below about #2 almost breaking up marriages is giving me pause... my DH and I had a rougher time with #1. She was a tough baby, she continues to be a bit of a tough toddler but we are excited to have another (maybe we are crazy!) I'm just looking for some folks who hopefully had more positive, less earth-shattering experiences bringing home another baby....

[Anonymous]

We had no marriage issues bringing home babies (more to come after #2). #4 was the roughest just because of her personality.

[Anonymous]

Bringing each child home was rough because of my HUSBAND's personality (eyeroll). He is not a flexible person and dislikes change.

[Anonymous]

#2 is a walk in the park compared to #1 for us. It's mostly about child temperament and how much involvement DH has for #1.

If #2 is hard, and DH is used to being hands-off, then it's a recipe for trouble.

[Anonymous]

For our marriage, low point was: after #1, not right after birth, I’d say at 9mo or so. well before #2 was a thought.

For me personally, low point was: immediately before #2

For life in general feeling bad: after 3rd. And recognizing that our marriage is the best and easiest part about this whole thing.

[Anonymous]

We did great, #2 was a great baby but we had a solid marriage through #1 who was a difficult baby. Got my BFP for #3 this week.

I will agree with PP though, DH was fully involved and hands on with #1 so the burden was shared and the changes expected and known by both of us. I think a lot of marriages have the dynamic where with #1 mom does most of the work and sacrifice and gives up things like happy hours, dinners with friends etc. And when #2 comes dad has to go through the same process so #2 is harder on dad.

[Anonymous]

#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

[Anonymous]

We had twins and I had read parents of twins have a higher divorce rate. I’m the type to take everything on myself so I did that and it was a really smooth transition. We are about to have our third so we’ll see how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

This seems the most logical to me... going from 0 kids to 1 kid is a HUGE life-altering shift. I don't understand how people can say going from 1 to 2 is harder...

[Anonymous]

I have an extremely easy 9 month old right now and she has had no affect on my marriage. We'll see how that might change going forward, but so far so good. It's been a challenging 9 months for other reasons, most of which actually seemed to strengthen our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Nope. The first was the most difficult, also because we'd gotten married earlier that year and it was a lot of adjustment at once. We'd always planned on three, and shortly after our second we even talked about maybe going for four (we stayed at three).

IME, the families I've seen almost break up after a second did so because the husband is a selfish jerk. When he's on board and hands on, it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Nope smooth sailing for us!

And we had 2u2 too.

I do t get all these people who nearly divorce over a baby or actually split.

It’s really not that hard! You just have to be willing to be easy going in this season of life and roll with it.

Not a big deal. No need to make such a fuss.

[Anonymous]

I posted above.

Seeing everyone respond similarly, yes #1 is the hardest.

But if you don’t get through that worst part between 1 and 2.... then YES #2 will only get harder.

So, for the OP of that other post, #2 was breaking them because they didn’t adapt after the difficulty of #1

[Anonymous]

No marital troubles at all. I had a rough transition from 1 to 2 (I think the hardest ages for me are newborn and 18 mo, so having both of those at the same time was rough), but no issues with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

This seems the most logical to me... going from 0 kids to 1 kid is a HUGE life-altering shift. I don't understand how people can say going from 1 to 2 is harder...

I don't understand how people have such a hard time understanding that other people have different experiences.

I can understand why some people find the second harder. With one, you can hand off the baby, and each of you can have some time for yourself pretty easily. With two, that gets harder. It's also possible that one parent was doing most of the work and managing to handle the stress or resentment, but can't keep that up with two--the other parent suddenly has to step up and that can create some real issues. Logistics get harder. Finances get tighter. Maybe the first baby was pretty easy, but the second kid has a more challenging temperament, behavioral problems, or health issues. The first kid can have a hard time adjusting to a sibling, which can cause behavioral challenges.