s/o #2 - did anyone's second child NOT almost break their marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted above.

Seeing everyone respond similarly, yes #1 is the hardest.

But if you don’t get through that worst part between 1 and 2.... then YES #2 will only get harder.

So, for the OP of that other post, #2 was breaking them because they didn’t adapt after the difficulty of #1

Adding on to this, I have heard people say that moms’ lives change with #1 and dads’ lives change with #2 (because mom is occupied with #2 so dad has to actually engage with #1). For us, there was never a point where I was taking on more than my share of childcare, even where had just one. I am a SAHM, so obviously during the workday, I am the one who is handling the kids, but when DH is home he has always done his share of the work. There’s never been the sense that I am still the primary parent (or primary housekeeper) when he’s at home. So there wasn’t that sudden loss of freedom for him that seems to happen for some other dudes.

[Anonymous]

Nope, we had a great experience with #2 in the early days, and still now.

I had a traumatic birth experience/C-section for #1 which kicked off horrible PPD and anxiety for me. I worked hard to heal from that, and was a little anxious about #2. But I had a perfect planned C with her, and we felt so much more confident and experienced going into the newborn stage. I feel like that second good birth experience helped me to fly right again.

Best of luck!

P.S. We are now fully reaping the benefits of two sisters who like to play together; it's awesome. I get so much done while they're playing, and they are definitely great sisters.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I've noticed among my friends/family: those whose first kid was relatively easy (however YOU define that) had the hardest time with #2. Maybe b/c the parents are older and more tired to begin with. This was definitely my experience. The first 12 months after #1 were the best in my life. The first 12 months after #2 were the worst. And #2 wasn't necessarily a tough baby, just tougher than #1.

[Anonymous]

The first was most difficult. #2 was an easier baby and DH helped more with both kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

We unexpectedly adopted our second. I was ... not enthusiastic, to put it mildly. It did not even come close to breaking our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. The families that have issues with this are the ones with fathers that think the kids are moms responsibility.

[Anonymous]

#2 almost broke me as a mother. My first was super easy, but is only 19 months older than my 2nd. A toddler and a new born was tough. I wouldn't have made it without my husband.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others who said that if mom and dad are both helping and sharing responsibilities, it’ll probably be ok.

We had 2 under 2 and our second baby was a premie who’s high needs threw everything into disarray. It was tough but my husband and I worked well together and were able to manage it

[Anonymous]

Brining #2 home was great for us. #1 was hard because you’re grieving loss of no-kids life. With kid 2, you’re going to be home by 8 pm anyway, so why not add to the party! Everything was easier the second time around and our kids are best buds and I can’t imagine life without our second.

Sleep deprivation sucks but there was only a positive impact on our marriage, esp long term.

[Anonymous]

All of my kids were a tough adjustment (three), but they enhance our lives. Going from zero to one was hardest,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brining #2 home was great for us. #1 was hard because you’re grieving loss of no-kids life. With kid 2, you’re going to be home by 8 pm anyway, so why not add to the party! Everything was easier the second time around and our kids are best buds and I can’t imagine life without our second.

Sleep deprivation sucks but there was only a positive impact on our marriage, esp long term.

Opposite for us. 1 was very easy, and he was an easy kid. It was fun folding him into our lives. Two was more challenging, but within the normal range, but almost broke me. Where once I was able to enjoy my 2 year old, I now was being pulled in two directions at once and doing a bad job at mothering both and taking care of myself.

[Anonymous]

#2 was an easier baby and a joy.

At the same time, more work meant it was harder to handle it all. We eventually have decided we need a housekeeper. Our marriage has, in no way, almost broken because of #2, but it's been an adjustment.

And a revelation because having a sweet, quiet baby has been much more pleasant and easy.

[Anonymous]

Our marriage got stronger after baby #2. And baby #2 was much harder than our first baby! I think it was actually the challenge of dealing with a difficult baby+our older child that brought us closer together. But we had a good relationship to start with and both are very involved with parenting, taking care of the household, etc but I can imagine if our relationship wasn’t as strong or my husband didn’t do his share of childcare, cooking, cleaning it wouldn’t go well...

[Anonymous]

Do you mean during the infant phase/1st year? Or beyond?