Angry Mean Nasty Dementia

[Anonymous]

Okay my 83 year old mother made a Redcap at Union Station cry tonight. I just can't stand being around her anymore. She's nasty, cruel, rude and so unbelievably paranoid. I don't know what do to anymore. Can this be her last visit? How can this go on?

[Anonymous]

Its only going to get worse and she probably shouldn't be traveling anymore. You should travel to her.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a formal diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its only going to get worse and she probably shouldn't be traveling anymore. You should travel to her.

You're right.

[Anonymous]

Speaking from the heart, and with much compassion -- your duty, if any, is to her safety first and foremost, and to her happiness as you are able. If your presence does not relieve her nastiness, cruelty, and rudeness, and all her other associated unhappiness, then your presence is not benefit to her -- only a burden to you.

Do the best you can. Prioritize safety. If something you are doing *for* happiness does not lead to happiness, the there is no duty to keep doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a formal diagnosis?

No. But it seems pretty clear.

After making this kind, patient young man cry she then tells me that it's okay, because he's running a scam on the passengers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a formal diagnosis?

No. But it seems pretty clear.

After making this kind, patient young man cry she then tells me that it's okay, because he's running a scam on the passengers.

I'm PP. I would try to get her assessed. The later one begins taking the meds, the less effective they are.

[Anonymous]

He really cried? Do men do that? What on earth did she say? I would’ve called her out I don’t care how demented she is.

[Anonymous]

I tip these poor people generously afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a formal diagnosis?

No. But it seems pretty clear.

After making this kind, patient young man cry she then tells me that it's okay, because he's running a scam on the passengers.

I'm PP. I would try to get her assessed. The later one begins taking the meds, the less effective they are.

Yes, she needs to see a doctor. Does she have a regular health care provider? Ideally, you could go with her and describe her symptoms in private to the doctor. Be careful about using medical terms when there hasn’t been an actual diagnosis. She really should be seeing a doctor regularly at this point in her life because it helps a great deal for the doctor to know her well.

[Anonymous]

She just sounds like a mean old woman. Experience speaking here, if she had dementia you would know it, my 85 year old mother has denentia and there is no way she could travel alone or even put a whole conversation together to make him cry. Sure she says mean things and is paranoid, but it is surrounded by such nonesense there is no way to actually be offended.

[Anonymous]

She's ill. Yes, this can be her last visit, she's ill. You are the one saying she has dementia. You will have to go to her, is that better?

Op, everything has changed and this is not about your feelings, your hurt feelings, your embarrassed feelings. She is old. She is ill. She needs care. You are in charge. You are the adult -in charge- now.

[Anonymous]

Just commiserating here, my FIL with dementia is the same way. He yelled at everyone, complained loudly, things he would never do prior to getting dementia. He doesn’t do it as as much now because he can’t really form a sentence anymore and doesn’t go out much. He has made so many caregivers cry and quit. Even without words he will throw a tantrum and stomp around and he hasn’t forgotten his favorite curse words! I think the meaness is a reaction to confusion, especially at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just sounds like a mean old woman. Experience speaking here, if she had dementia you would know it, my 85 year old mother has denentia and there is no way she could travel alone or even put a whole conversation together to make him cry. Sure she says mean things and is paranoid, but it is surrounded by such nonesense there is no way to actually be offended.

Not true, my MIL had early onset and we didn't know it. We knew something was off but thought it was something else and not dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just sounds like a mean old woman. Experience speaking here, if she had dementia you would know it, my 85 year old mother has denentia and there is no way she could travel alone or even put a whole conversation together to make him cry. Sure she says mean things and is paranoid, but it is surrounded by such nonesense there is no way to actually be offended.

I'm a PP. Someone can have a dementia diagnosis and still be A&O x3. Do they have the best memory/ insight/ judgement? Maybe not. Maybe they haven't advanced as far as your mom.