Latest on the 13 year old dating scene?

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Not until 11th grade. Before then, everything in groups.

[Anonymous]

Mostly they hang out in groups, but occasionally ds13 has gone to movies alone with a girl. They are dropped off and picked up by parents. Mostly they talk a lot on the phone, but occasionally his friend will come to our house to visit.

We just play it by ear. Seeing a movie with a girl is pretty innocuous, so we’re ok with it.

[Anonymous]

There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

No one said the conversation had to be with Mom. It can be done while watching a movie together and talking hypothetically about other people. You don't have go directly at the issue, but you still need to discuss it. Lots of necessary conversations are uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mostly they hang out in groups, but occasionally ds13 has gone to movies alone with a girl. They are dropped off and picked up by parents. Mostly they talk a lot on the phone, but occasionally his friend will come to our house to visit.

We just play it by ear. Seeing a movie with a girl is pretty innocuous, so we’re ok with it.

I had my first French kiss at the movies at age 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

Uh.... I have 15 and 16 year olds.... I can assure you that it doesn't take a "one-on-one" date for there to be a make-out session. Teens (even young teens) are perfectly fine with making out when they are in groups. My high school age, they are perfectly fine doing a lot more than making out -- even in a group setting. The key for our family has been keeping the lines of communication open, self-respect, dating "good" kids etc. Even if you think your kids are NOT dating (and btw, a lot are "involved" with members of the opposite sex but NOT dating), you need to have those talks. In fact, better to have them BEFORE they are involved so it doesn't look like you are calling out their "special friend"- but rather giving general parental guidelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mostly they hang out in groups, but occasionally ds13 has gone to movies alone with a girl. They are dropped off and picked up by parents. Mostly they talk a lot on the phone, but occasionally his friend will come to our house to visit.

We just play it by ear. Seeing a movie with a girl is pretty innocuous, so we’re ok with it.

I had my first French kiss at the movies at age 12.

And? Is that something to be afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mostly they hang out in groups, but occasionally ds13 has gone to movies alone with a girl. They are dropped off and picked up by parents. Mostly they talk a lot on the phone, but occasionally his friend will come to our house to visit.

We just play it by ear. Seeing a movie with a girl is pretty innocuous, so we’re ok with it.

I had my first French kiss at the movies at age 12.

I had my first french kiss at 12 under the bleachers at school, during PE class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

No one said the conversation had to be with Mom.

Except it was a response to the mom and said "you need" (i.e., you, the mom, needs). Super-cringey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Lol. You are so naive. My DS goes to Landon and they are getting bj's in the restrooms during school sanctioned dances ... and that was on school property. I'll leave it to your imagination what happens outside of school property. My DS is a good boy too, he is NOT allowed at this age to attend any of these social events unless it is supervised by parents, and I mean supervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

Yes, yes, I knew we'd get a lot of bullshit stories from moms who claim they have Frank and Open Discussions About Sexuality With Their Teenage Sons. Gimme a break.

Pro-tip: if you want your story to be remotely credible, stop pretending that subjects like child porn "naturally" come up in conversation. Sheesh.