Latest on the 13 year old dating scene?

[Anonymous]

My FCPS high schooler reports that oral sex was not uncommon by 8th grade. So, be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Don't worry too much about this. Kids move at really different paces with dating. It isn't wrong for your DS to want to date at 13 any more than it is wrong for someone's DS to not date until college. A dogmatic decrees of "no dating" or "only group dates" just push your kid to lie about this and hide it. Plus, it pushes up the "danger/risk taking" factor of the activity, which is more likely to lead to them to make poor choices generally.

Is your kid actually asking to go alone? If so, then I think you are probably due for some of the conversations consent and relationship ethics.

I also think that you can try to (as gently as possible) help him have a good date by keeping it low-key. Generally, kids at this age don't really have a great sense of what makes a good date, namely that they should actually be fun. You don't want your kid trying to parrot some movie or TV show's grand romantic gesture or thinking that going to the most expensive restaurant he can will make for a really impressive date. But be careful about giving specific suggestions for fear of poisoning the well with uncool, old people vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

Yes, yes, I knew we'd get a lot of bullshit stories from moms who claim they have Frank and Open Discussions About Sexuality With Their Teenage Sons. Gimme a break.

Pro-tip: if you want your story to be remotely credible, stop pretending that subjects like child porn "naturally" come up in conversation. Sheesh.

PP said that she raised it after news stories or that type of thing. So, not really "naturally" in conversation, but not that difficult for PP to steer the conversation there either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

Yes, yes, I knew we'd get a lot of bullshit stories from moms who claim they have Frank and Open Discussions About Sexuality With Their Teenage Sons. Gimme a break.

Pro-tip: if you want your story to be remotely credible, stop pretending that subjects like child porn "naturally" come up in conversation. Sheesh.

PP said that she raised it after news stories or that type of thing. So, not really "naturally" in conversation, but not that difficult for PP to steer the conversation there either.

It came up recently when a bunch of teens in this area were charged and it was in the news a lot, for example. So you haven’t told your kids they could be charged if they share photos? Pro-tip:other people are discussing this with their teens and you should too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

Yes, yes, I knew we'd get a lot of bullshit stories from moms who claim they have Frank and Open Discussions About Sexuality With Their Teenage Sons. Gimme a break.

Pro-tip: if you want your story to be remotely credible, stop pretending that subjects like child porn "naturally" come up in conversation. Sheesh.

PP said that she raised it after news stories or that type of thing. So, not really "naturally" in conversation, but not that difficult for PP to steer the conversation there either.

It came up recently when a bunch of teens in this area were charged and it was in the news a lot, for example. So you haven’t told your kids they could be charged if they share photos? Pro-tip:other people are discussing this with their teens and you should too.

+100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

My 13 year old hears that from his mom. Last night we were throwing a ball around and we talked about sexting. I told brought up news stories where boys had been charged with child porn and other offenses for sharing photos girls sent them. We talk about consent, and mutuality. I try to limit it to a couple of minutes of heavy-stuff talk, and I always do it when it naturally comes up (news story, etc) and I try to always have those conversations while we are doing something active or driving. Somehow that helps.

Then Mom did something wrong for the first 13 years!! I talk to my kids and even nieces/nephews about "uncomfortable" topics-- I think most of the time, I am the most uncomfortable one because I was not raised like that but I always kept the lines of communication open with my kids/nieces/nephews (yes- their parents know). But -yes, better to have the convos happen naturally and preferably if they bring something up.....

Yes, yes, I knew we'd get a lot of bullshit stories from moms who claim they have Frank and Open Discussions About Sexuality With Their Teenage Sons. Gimme a break.

Pro-tip: if you want your story to be remotely credible, stop pretending that subjects like child porn "naturally" come up in conversation. Sheesh.

PP said that she raised it after news stories or that type of thing. So, not really "naturally" in conversation, but not that difficult for PP to steer the conversation there either.

It came up recently when a bunch of teens in this area were charged and it was in the news a lot, for example. So you haven’t told your kids they could be charged if they share photos? Pro-tip:other people are discussing this with their teens and you should too.

+100.

Pro-tip: don't give your kid a phone and the issue doesn't even arise.

[Anonymous]

Mm, very fond memories of making out at the movies. I was in 9th grade though.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it’s fine if your son wanted to go to a movie with his friend. It seems appropriate; nice even. And if they kiss? Well, that sounds sweet. But maybe I’m old fashion!

[Anonymous]

Seems like your 7th grader has lots of time on his hand. Time to get him into age-appropriate academic, sports activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Lol. You are so naive. My DS goes to Landon and they are getting bj's in the restrooms during school sanctioned dances ... and that was on school property. I'll leave it to your imagination what happens outside of school property. My DS is a good boy too, he is NOT allowed at this age to attend any of these social events unless it is supervised by parents, and I mean supervised.

oral is very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Lol. You are so naive. My DS goes to Landon and they are getting bj's in the restrooms during school sanctioned dances ... and that was on school property. I'll leave it to your imagination what happens outside of school property. My DS is a good boy too, he is NOT allowed at this age to attend any of these social events unless it is supervised by parents, and I mean supervised.

You're kidding.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

Thanks for all the advice.

We have had some very good conversations about sexual ethics already. He doesn’t love it but it is actually surprisingly easy for both of us. (Ha, you can forget about my husband having these conversations with him. He is in denial).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Lol. You are so naive. My DS goes to Landon and they are getting bj's in the restrooms during school sanctioned dances ... and that was on school property. I'll leave it to your imagination what happens outside of school property. My DS is a good boy too, he is NOT allowed at this age to attend any of these social events unless it is supervised by parents, and I mean supervised.

You're kidding.

Not the Person that posted this, but my daughter is at Holton and that 100% happens at the MS dances. Lots of vaping and trying to find isolated spots to hook up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a range of answers to this question. My 15 year old didn't go a "real date" until summer after 9th grade. But, I would have permitted it summer leading up to 9th grade for sure. Movie dates may well be for making out. So be sure you have some key conversations before you OK the one-on-one movie date. I also have a 13 y/old 7th grader in a co-ed private school. One "couple" in the grade is vacationing together this Spring Break and is regularly tickling each other at school. So, there is no one answer. My advice, is to slow it down as much as possible and encourage group activities without causing a huge conflict.

Simultaneously, you need to have serious talks about making out, not pushing girls past their comfort zones, kissing and telling, sexting. Cover a range of topics related to sexual ethics. You want to start these conversations early and have them often.

The average 13yo boy would rather be set on fire than hear any of that shit from his mom.

Tough shit. Those conversations need to happen early and often. And if he can't hear them or talk about them, he shouldn't be doing them.
This is for his own safety as much as for that of his date. And the conversations on the girl side need to happen also (lest I be accused of accusing only the precious boys in this matter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DS (will be 14 this summer) recently became very interested in a girl (he is at an all boys school; she is at an all girls school).

He is in 7th grade.

What is normal in terms of dating/getting together? They have met at a few dances, and the mall. Always with other friends.

Seriously not looking to micromanage, and he is a good kid, just wondering what the normal dating progression is these days? When do you allow your teems to go to things just the two of them, like a movie or something similar?

Thanks!

Lol. You are so naive. My DS goes to Landon and they are getting bj's in the restrooms during school sanctioned dances ... and that was on school property. I'll leave it to your imagination what happens outside of school property. My DS is a good boy too, he is NOT allowed at this age to attend any of these social events unless it is supervised by parents, and I mean supervised.

You're kidding.

We're not kidding. It really happens. And why anyone would let their daughter go to a Landon dance, or anything else associated with that place, is beyond me.

Not the Person that posted this, but my daughter is at Holton and that 100% happens at the MS dances. Lots of vaping and trying to find isolated spots to hook up.