Ideas for hosting when you don't like hosting

[Anonymous]

My husbands family is all local (parents, 2 siblings, and their respective families.) There are a lot of family get togethers and it sort of rotates who is hosting. I don't dislike his family and don't mind seeing them when they host but I have a full blown panic attack (which sadly manifests as anger at my husband) when we need to host. I think I just get overwhelmed by the thought of all of the work. And my husband "helps" but I have to tell him very specifically what I need help with. Ie: he'll grocery shop with a specific list but won't menu plan or calculate how much food we'll need. He'll make a dish by following the recipe but doesn't think ahead like how to plan out what needs to go in the oven when, or do we have enough food, or dessert, or we'll need to put the table leaf in, etc.

My parents didn't really host much of anything growing up and I was never taught to host properly. I'm always worried the dish will be too complicated or it will be over/under done or there won't be enough or it will make a huge mess in the kitchen right before everyone arrives or whatever. I can't relax at all during the event. And then when everyone leaves it looks like a bomb went off in my house. Which brings me back to, I just don't like hosting.

Is there a way to "learn" this so that I'm not miserable? If I tell my husband to just "handle it" he'll order Papa Johns pizza for everyone, I know this because I tried this once. I've thought about just ordering something like the Zoe's Kitchen Family Dinner, etc. but we can't do that every time.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with ordering pizza. But, I'm with you. My parents rarely hosted and it makes me very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

A written game plan is key. Down to "3:15, turn on oven at 350 to pre-heat."

Delegate: Ask people to bring wine, dessert, beer, whatever...*if they offer.*

Mix store-bought and homemade items. I am a great cook but am not a good baker. I buy one or two fancy desserts from Wegman's, or ask a guest to bring a pie.

Keep it simple. Don't make too many sides or five kinds of desserts. Execute a good, simple menu well, rather than half-assing a huge spread.

Ultimate guide:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/502032.page

[Anonymous]

Plan a simple menu. Salads that have 2-3 key ingredients rather than lots of little things. Single ingredients dishes like a roasted vegetables or mashed sweet potato.

Make things that reheat well as the sides (quinoa or another grain. Roasted veggies that just need to be tossed into fresh pasta. Soup.). You can do them one at a time in the days leading up the to event. On the morning of, prep fresh things like salads. Then you should just have to time out the main dish, and reheat everything else. Then you're not dirtying things other than serving dishes.

Wash dishes as you go, or better yet have DH wash as soon as you're done with something. Let something go and do store bought instead of homemade...bread, salad dressing etc.

Set the table the day before. Pull out serving dishes in advance and mark them with a Post-It or something so you know what's going where. Accept help. What do you hate making or have trouble timing? Salad, dessert...have someone else do it.

Make yourself a time table, and next to each dish, the time you need to deal with it on the day of. 2pm turkey in oven. 5pm prep appetizers. 6pm guests arrive. 630 take out the turkey and put in the sides. 7 pm eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands family is all local (parents, 2 siblings, and their respective families.) There are a lot of family get togethers and it sort of rotates who is hosting. I don't dislike his family and don't mind seeing them when they host but I have a full blown panic attack (which sadly manifests as anger at my husband) when we need to host. I think I just get overwhelmed by the thought of all of the work. And my husband "helps" but I have to tell him very specifically what I need help with. Ie: he'll grocery shop with a specific list but won't menu plan or calculate how much food we'll need. He'll make a dish by following the recipe but doesn't think ahead like how to plan out what needs to go in the oven when, or do we have enough food, or dessert, or we'll need to put the table leaf in, etc.

My parents didn't really host much of anything growing up and I was never taught to host properly. I'm always worried the dish will be too complicated or it will be over/under done or there won't be enough or it will make a huge mess in the kitchen right before everyone arrives or whatever. I can't relax at all during the event. And then when everyone leaves it looks like a bomb went off in my house. Which brings me back to, I just don't like hosting.

Is there a way to "learn" this so that I'm not miserable? If I tell my husband to just "handle it" he'll order Papa Johns pizza for everyone I know this because I tried this once. I've thought about just ordering something like the Zoe's Kitchen Family Dinner, etc. but we can't do that every time.

Thoughts?

Sounds fine to me. Let him order pizza. Let him deal with complaints.

If you don't like hosting, don't host. If your husband wants to host his family, let him do so. I think it's reasonable for you to be present and to engage with the family, but it's not a rule that you have to cook and feed people if you find it ridiculously stressful.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP that it’s your DH’s responsibility. LEt him order pizza, and if his family gets sick of it, they’ll stop asking him to host.

[Anonymous]

Could you order the meal? It’s somewhat expensive but you could order from a restaurant. Plenty do great Easter’s, thanksgivings and Christmas dinners.

Is this for Easter? Buy a honey baked ham and order nice sides. Hams are soooooo easy to bake.

I truly do love hosting so I’d love to help someone like you. Could your mom or sister help you? My mom helps a lot because she knows I get overwhelmed. I planned 2 kid birthdays, 1 baptism, 2 bridal showers, thanksgiving, Christmas and a meet the baby party last year. It was too much. It’s hard when it’s something for my kids like a baptism because I have trouble prepping food while I’m participating in my kids baptism. Is it the food that’s the problem or cleaning the house?

[Anonymous]

I think its ok to order food too. Most of us are happy to be invited over and don't care if we eat Chinese or Pizza. Its about the company. Keep is simpke and less stressful for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Order food and focus on other things. Maybe your thing is that everyone feels very welcome, or that you have the perfect lowkey playlist, or that the kids have great activities. If foods are a stressor, then delegate.

[Anonymous]

I am like you my parents never hosted because my mom was a basketcase at just the idea of it and so I never learned. I want to do it more but I get so stressed.

I agree with PP. If ordering food will make you enjoy the experience and therefore more enjoyable to be around I think you should order the food. People would rather have takeout with a pleasant host than home cooked with a miserable host. And I am guessing it would go a long way to imprvong the dynamic between you and DH before and after hosting.

I would do this a few times and get your confidence up before you start trying to add in cooking. When you do add it cooking start with mixing homemade and things you picked up. Also, with the warm weather coming take advantage of having DH grill. It gets some of the mess and some of the people out of your space.

[Anonymous]

Pizza is fine

Is there anything he could buy and cook from start to finish at all? Hot dogs on the grill?

[Anonymous]

Here is my "entertaining with less effort formula. Cashews and bowls of good chips for predi dinner snacking. Order good Chinese or Indian or Thai and serve it in dishes instead of the takeout containers. Buy some good beer, fun drinks for the kids, and sparkling water, bake some cookies or brownies and serve with ice cream for dessert. Put on some good background music. Unscented candles, some tulips or roses in a vase, clean towels in the bathroom. Prior to guest arrival, throw clutter in a laundry basket and stash upstairs, Clorox wipe the bathroom, hit the place with a quick vacuum, open windows for a bit of an airing, wipe down kitchen counters and done. Always have one or two special touches, like post diner truffles or a fancy craft beer, just to give it a sense of occasion.

Easy breezy.

[Anonymous]

Oh and PP here again. It is absolutely imperative to have a "formula." You can switch out specifics, but it is really helpful to generally stick with the same routine. Like I always lay out all serving utensils, platters, bottle openers, ice bucket and tongs, and dishes on the counter before folks arrive so I'm not stressed about finding things. It's just second nature now. Even if a friend is coming over for coffee, I put everything out before she arrives so I can focus on the conversation. I always put out nuts because they are easy and popular. I never cook anything that requires me to be in kitchen fussing -- I always do things that require mostly advance prep. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A written game plan is key. Down to "3:15, turn on oven at 350 to pre-heat."

Delegate: Ask people to bring wine, dessert, beer, whatever...*if they offer.*

Mix store-bought and homemade items. I am a great cook but am not a good baker. I buy one or two fancy desserts from Wegman's, or ask a guest to bring a pie.

Keep it simple. Don't make too many sides or five kinds of desserts. Execute a good, simple menu well, rather than half-assing a huge spread.

Ultimate guide:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/502032.page

Best thread ever. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

First off no one is judging you. My family is just happy to be together. No one cares if it’s good subs, pizza and salads. Relax. I promise it’s all good.