S/O: 'Civilized' Holiday How-To

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm being tongue-in-cheek with the word "civilized" in the title of this thread. If you want to use paper plates at holidays to avoid stress, please do, and enjoy!

But for people reading the "paper plates at Thanksgiving thread" who want to know how to pull it off with the real stuff (or for those of us who routinely do it who might want new strategies for doing it even better), now we have a thread!

My tips:
1) Iron linens, if needed, a week out.
2) If you have the means and feel like treating yourself, have a professional house-cleaning a few days before. I treat myself to this about four times a year.
3) Set the table(s), as much as possible, the night before
4) Do prep work two days out/the day before: chop vegetables, make cranberry sauce, make mashed potatoes:
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/delicious_creamy_mashed_potatoes/
5) Do your stuffing in a crock pot...you can get it started early, and it's out of the way. Make the spice blend for the stuffing a few days before, so all you have to do is dump spices from a small Tupperware instead of getting out lots of spices the day of
6) If people offer to bring dishes, take them up on it; especially dessert. I always make pecan pie the day before and ask people to bring other desserts. If they don't offer, make your favorite dessert and then order special chocolates or another "impressive" treat, maybe from a nice bakery
7) Clean as you cook...this is a big one! I use Rachael Ray's "garbage bowl" tip, and reuse pans (after quickly rinsing/wiping) when and where you can
8) Make a menu plan and keep it simple. No, you don't have to make both oyster dressing and regular. You don't have to have 15 kinds of pies.
9) You don't have to do ALL the cleaning all at once. Clean in "shifts" so everyone can help out a bit. Mix it up. It doesn't have to be you and two other women in the kitchen all evening.
10) Buy a ton of flowers 2 days before, and break up into several vases/containers. That's enough for the centerpiece, just a small, low arrangement and a few candles. No big deal

What are your tips?

[Anonymous]

I make-ahead, too: cranberry sauce, desserts, appetizer like crab dip. I'll have to try the make-ahead mashed potatoes. Aside from the turkey, that's the most difficult day-of thing!

[Anonymous]

I think I love you.

My MIL waits to set the table (as in, finding plates/silverware/napkins) until the food is ready. It drives me crazy because it's SUCH AN EASY THING to do early. Then she's always stressed. She thinks I'm nuts that when I come in, I'll look at the table and offer to set it. She always pushes me off saying "oh we're not eating until 3". Siggghhh. Wine me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I love you.

My MIL waits to set the table (as in, finding plates/silverware/napkins) until the food is ready. It drives me crazy because it's SUCH AN EASY THING to do early. Then she's always stressed. She thinks I'm nuts that when I come in, I'll look at the table and offer to set it. She always pushes me off saying "oh we're not eating until 3". Siggghhh. Wine me!

+1

I think this is pertinent to the discussion (and not another thread completely?): Do you also eat right away, or make your guests wait. Last year, the guests waited 2+ hours, and that was just too much for me. I think anything under 30 minutes is fine, but we came from a family where the food was a HUGE part of the celebration (along with talking and laughing - never at another's expense). The IL's serve maybe carrots, then wait up to two hours, don't really prepare much ahead of time, and basically (to me) act like they are not up for it. Any laughing tends to be at other's expense (perhaps another thread entirely). This just isn't my idea of a party. I do notice (over the years) that those who have married in tend to drink substantially (probably before arrival) - so there is that Is there any way to hurry things along? We have started to eat before we arrive?

[Anonymous]

I made a table in Word with each dish I make: what ingredients are needed, what pots/utensils are needed to cook it, what I need to serve it in/with, how long it cooks, and at what temperature. Then I can easily make a shopping list by going down the ingredients column and seeing what I have, making sure I don't use the bowl I need for the mashed potatoes for something else, and figuring out what needs to go in and out of the over when. It probably took me an hour to make the table the first year, and then I have updated/annotated it over time. My MIL has openly mocked me about it (she also believes "real" cooks don't need to rely on recipes) but I don't care...I can get dinner for 12 on the table at the scheduled time with everything perfectly cooked and plated, and I've never seen her manage to do that in the 15 years I've known her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I love you.

My MIL waits to set the table (as in, finding plates/silverware/napkins) until the food is ready. It drives me crazy because it's SUCH AN EASY THING to do early. Then she's always stressed. She thinks I'm nuts that when I come in, I'll look at the table and offer to set it. She always pushes me off saying "oh we're not eating until 3". Siggghhh. Wine me!

+1

I think this is pertinent to the discussion (and not another thread completely?): Do you also eat right away, or make your guests wait. Last year, the guests waited 2+ hours, and that was just too much for me. I think anything under 30 minutes is fine, but we came from a family where the food was a HUGE part of the celebration (along with talking and laughing - never at another's expense). The IL's serve maybe carrots, then wait up to two hours, don't really prepare much ahead of time, and basically (to me) act like they are not up for it. Any laughing tends to be at other's expense (perhaps another thread entirely). This just isn't my idea of a party. I do notice (over the years) that those who have married in tend to drink substantially (probably before arrival) - so there is that Is there any way to hurry things along? We have started to eat before we arrive?

This is an interesting question. We usually have stay-a-few-days guests, so many people are already there from the morning on.
If we were eating at, say, 3, we'd probably have people arrive at 1:30/2. I always put out substantial appetizers within 20 minutes of people arriving to keep them happy and--more importantly--to keep them *out of my kitchen.* (I know, I know, antisocial...but I don't "perform" well in the kitchen with an audience!) I think it needs to be fairly substantial: a hot dip, nuts, cheese and crackers. Enough to keep them from starving for an hour or two. I do always make it clear that "dinner will be served at 3" so that if they want to arrive at 2:45 and not have long to wait, that's fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a table in Word with each dish I make: what ingredients are needed, what pots/utensils are needed to cook it, what I need to serve it in/with, how long it cooks, and at what temperature. Then I can easily make a shopping list by going down the ingredients column and seeing what I have, making sure I don't use the bowl I need for the mashed potatoes for something else, and figuring out what needs to go in and out of the over when. It probably took me an hour to make the table the first year, and then I have updated/annotated it over time. My MIL has openly mocked me about it (she also believes "real" cooks don't need to rely on recipes) but I don't care...I can get dinner for 12 on the table at the scheduled time with everything perfectly cooked and plated, and I've never seen her manage to do that in the 15 years I've known her.

OP here. Wow, you are organized! I think that is really smart. It does help to know what dish will what go in what serving vessel. It avoids scrambling to get something out which may be stored up high/down low/may be a bit dusty.

A written-down game plan for the day-of is essential. Even if it's really basic, I write down what time to preheat, what time to put in oven, when to pull something out to rest, etc. It keeps me from being stressed because my instinct is always go-go-go, and glancing at the list, I'm like, "Oh, I don't have to do anything for another half-hour. I should pour myself some wine!"

You can tell your MIL that this is what the Barefoot Contessa recommends, and she's a real cook!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I love you.

My MIL waits to set the table (as in, finding plates/silverware/napkins) until the food is ready. It drives me crazy because it's SUCH AN EASY THING to do early. Then she's always stressed. She thinks I'm nuts that when I come in, I'll look at the table and offer to set it. She always pushes me off saying "oh we're not eating until 3". Siggghhh. Wine me!

+1

I think this is pertinent to the discussion (and not another thread completely?): Do you also eat right away, or make your guests wait. Last year, the guests waited 2+ hours, and that was just too much for me. I think anything under 30 minutes is fine, but we came from a family where the food was a HUGE part of the celebration (along with talking and laughing - never at another's expense). The IL's serve maybe carrots, then wait up to two hours, don't really prepare much ahead of time, and basically (to me) act like they are not up for it. Any laughing tends to be at other's expense (perhaps another thread entirely). This just isn't my idea of a party. I do notice (over the years) that those who have married in tend to drink substantially (probably before arrival) - so there is that Is there any way to hurry things along? We have started to eat before we arrive?

This is an interesting question. We usually have stay-a-few-days guests, so many people are already there from the morning on.
If we were eating at, say, 3, we'd probably have people arrive at 1:30/2. I always put out substantial appetizers within 20 minutes of people arriving to keep them happy and--more importantly--to keep them *out of my kitchen.* (I know, I know, antisocial...but I don't "perform" well in the kitchen with an audience!) I think it needs to be fairly substantial: a hot dip, nuts, cheese and crackers. Enough to keep them from starving for an hour or two. I do always make it clear that "dinner will be served at 3" so that if they want to arrive at 2:45 and not have long to wait, that's fine!

+1

PP here. I like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a table in Word with each dish I make: what ingredients are needed, what pots/utensils are needed to cook it, what I need to serve it in/with, how long it cooks, and at what temperature. Then I can easily make a shopping list by going down the ingredients column and seeing what I have, making sure I don't use the bowl I need for the mashed potatoes for something else, and figuring out what needs to go in and out of the over when. It probably took me an hour to make the table the first year, and then I have updated/annotated it over time. My MIL has openly mocked me about it (she also believes "real" cooks don't need to rely on recipes) but I don't care...I can get dinner for 12 on the table at the scheduled time with everything perfectly cooked and plated, and I've never seen her manage to do that in the 15 years I've known her.

Plated, as in you put the food on the plates and serve the plates to the people, like at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a table in Word with each dish I make: what ingredients are needed, what pots/utensils are needed to cook it, what I need to serve it in/with, how long it cooks, and at what temperature. Then I can easily make a shopping list by going down the ingredients column and seeing what I have, making sure I don't use the bowl I need for the mashed potatoes for something else, and figuring out what needs to go in and out of the over when. It probably took me an hour to make the table the first year, and then I have updated/annotated it over time. My MIL has openly mocked me about it (she also believes "real" cooks don't need to rely on recipes) but I don't care...I can get dinner for 12 on the table at the scheduled time with everything perfectly cooked and plated, and I've never seen her manage to do that in the 15 years I've known her.

OP here. Wow, you are organized! I think that is really smart. It does help to know what dish will what go in what serving vessel. It avoids scrambling to get something out which may be stored up high/down low/may be a bit dusty.

A written-down game plan for the day-of is essential. Even if it's really basic, I write down what time to preheat, what time to put in oven, when to pull something out to rest, etc. It keeps me from being stressed because my instinct is always go-go-go, and glancing at the list, I'm like, "Oh, I don't have to do anything for another half-hour. I should pour myself some wine!"

You can tell your MIL that this is what the Barefoot Contessa recommends, and she's a real cook!

Yup, a sheet of paper with cook times (and time into the oven) and temperatures is key!!!
I set the table (with flowers) the night before. DH has a night-before-Thanksgiving event every year, so I stay home, drink a lot of wine, and get cracking on my mashed potatoes and mashed rutabaga. I set out every serving piece with a note in it to say what goes where (and corresponding serving spoon/fork/etc). I try to prep as much as I can in advance and I always buy dessert!

Have lots of snacks for your guests to snack while you cook. And plenty of wine!!!

[Anonymous]

Also...what do people wear on Thanksgiving? My family always did kind of "church clothes"...black pants, a nice blouse; maybe dark jeans, khakis or cords and a nice sweater with a collared shirt underneath for the men.

At my ILs, it's very casual, from sweat pants to "casual" jeans.

When I've hosted, it's a blend of my family dressed up just a big, and his family being in casual wear.

I'm not saying one way is better or more appropriate than the other, I'm just asking. It's kind of an interesting balance between a special occasion and the fact that it is usually at home with just family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also...what do people wear on Thanksgiving? My family always did kind of "church clothes"...black pants, a nice blouse; maybe dark jeans, khakis or cords and a nice sweater with a collared shirt underneath for the men.

At my ILs, it's very casual, from sweat pants to "casual" jeans.

When I've hosted, it's a blend of my family dressed up just a big, and his family being in casual wear.

I'm not saying one way is better or more appropriate than the other, I'm just asking. It's kind of an interesting balance between a special occasion and the fact that it is usually at home with just family.

We say "Fancy Pants" which is a term my brother and his friends coined in college to mean "no jeans."

[Anonymous]

I have a Wunderlist of all my ingredients broken down by dish in sub-lists so I can easily shop. I also have sublists of things I prep ahead.

I have a (written) plan for the day of, with everything broken into 15-minute increments. I am a huge techie, but for some reason I need a pencil and paper on "game day." I also have post-its and pens in the kitchen and when someone offers to help, I slap a post-it with a recipe or some simple instructions (whatever they are up for) in front of them. My sisters usually come in and help me and we stay really organized this way.

Thanks to this system, I can host 18 people in our tiny SFH home for dinner! My mom never hosted more than 10, so she is proud about my "system"

To the PP who asked: we have family come over early so the kids can play together and the adults can drink and talk loudly (Italians). But friends or guests come about 30 minutes before the meal, unless they want to come earlier. We dress up but we're not stodgy, and even though the meal is a formal one on nice china, it's pretty laid-back feeling.

LOVE the tips so far, I am stealing some of these! Ah, this has got me stoked for the holidays!

[Anonymous]

A big thing for me is to plan the recipes far in advance and make a shopping list at least three weeks out. I'm then feeling totally confident about it and freed up from the planning by the time I go to the store the weekend before. I do a bunch of prep then too. Turkey gets ordered around now. Which reminds me, I need to do that!

I treat myself to a planned floral arrangement to match our table for Thanksgiving. I offer a cocktail for adults and kids to set the tone.

I always have a planned lunch for Thanksgiving, generally soup (homemade, but made in advance), bread, cheese and salad. This is a buffet style, and it feels very civilizing.

Of course set the table in advance. Then someone who doesn't cook does the dishes. Paper plates on Thanksgiving could not, not happen in my house unless medically necessary. That is the one time of year we use our best china and silver. There has to be some ceremony in life or it all goes by too quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a table in Word with each dish I make: what ingredients are needed, what pots/utensils are needed to cook it, what I need to serve it in/with, how long it cooks, and at what temperature. Then I can easily make a shopping list by going down the ingredients column and seeing what I have, making sure I don't use the bowl I need for the mashed potatoes for something else, and figuring out what needs to go in and out of the over when. It probably took me an hour to make the table the first year, and then I have updated/annotated it over time. My MIL has openly mocked me about it (she also believes "real" cooks don't need to rely on recipes) but I don't care...I can get dinner for 12 on the table at the scheduled time with everything perfectly cooked and plated, and I've never seen her manage to do that in the 15 years I've known her.

Plated, as in you put the food on the plates and serve the plates to the people, like at a restaurant?

No, I just couldn't think of a better word for "in all the serving dishes and on the table." "Dished out?"