Give her a pass because of wedding?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 young kids and work full-time. I just say this because I don’t have tons of free time and energy. My daughter is a flower girl in BIL’s wedding. His fiancée asked us to go shopping for flower girl dresses with the other flower girl and her mom. Sounded like a fun afternoon and we drove the 1.5 hours to her chosen mall. We got there and she said she had actually already chosen a dress. The girls tried it on and we bought them. Done in a half hour. This is a dress we could have easily bought online and tried on at home. I spent 3 hours driving today to try on a flower girl dress. I’m pretty annoyed. Thought it would be a nice bonding experience for DD and her new aunt, but it wasn’t. Does everyone go a little nutty before their wedding? Should I not take this as a sign that BIL’s fiancée is a bit self-centered?

[Anonymous]

People who don"t have kids really don't have a clue. I would give her a pass.

[Anonymous]

No. I think that this is pretty normal behavior. She actually sores a couple points in my book for bothering to have your DD try the dress on before purchase, rather than shipping you a dress that you have to make work.

She doesn’t have kids and probably has no idea that it was hard for you.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no, respectively. More importantly, please remember that this is a person with lots of free time, who cannot possibly fathom how precious time becomes later in life when kids are involved. Personally, I would never, ever, have agreed to driving for so long to try on dresses, and I only have two kids and stay home! My time is also precious

On the plus side, you should be happy you were done that quickly.

[Anonymous]

Awww. OP, I get how much this sucks, but yes you give her a pass because of the wedding.

One day, when she has kids of her own you guys can laugh about this and bond. Think of it as a deposit in your SIL relationship bank. Childfree people have no clue what it’s like. All she’s thinking about right now is wedding planning, she wouldn’t even understand what you’re trying to say if you tried to talk her.

To be young and starting out again. Remember your wedding? Being a first time mom? All of it? I’m actually kind of smiling thinking about those first days as a mom.

[Anonymous]

it sucks, but like a PP said, be glad it was over with so quickly. She could have dragged you and your daughter around for hours, not liking anything and then not understand why your daughter was melting down.

[Anonymous]

Send her a message saying you’re glad the dress worked out and you were happy to meet Other Girl and her mom and that hopefully you’ll get to spend more time with them soon.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’ll give her a pass. Not like there’s anything I could do anyway! My youngest is an infant still so I’m just really exhausted. Spending the afternoon driving did not help things. I’m trying to remember being kid-free but I don’t think I would ever ask someone to drive that far. I literally found the dress on Nordstrom’s website and it’s probably in our local Nordstrom I’m sure. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is an accessory at her wedding. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

OP, but how would it be any better if you still drove those 3 hours roundtrip and then were stuck in the mall for 3 hours for trying dresses and a joint lunch in some crappy mall eatery?
Your time situation and exhaustion would be even worse.

She probably wanted it to be more personal than just sending an email with a link to the dress. Also, it's very understandable that she pre-chose the dress to avoid having to go back and forth if you liked some other dress out of 20 you tried, and the other mom liked something else too.

It was up to you to push back on the driving, esp since you have a baby. You chose to accommodate but now you feel annoyed. There is a lesson to be learned here.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have agreed to the trip to start with.

Id have given her my child’s size and suggested she pick it out up to a certain $ amount and I’d pay her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, but how would it be any better if you still drove those 3 hours roundtrip and then were stuck in the mall for 3 hours for trying dresses and a joint lunch in some crappy mall eatery?
Your time situation and exhaustion would be even worse.

She probably wanted it to be more personal than just sending an email with a link to the dress. Also, it's very understandable that she pre-chose the dress to avoid having to go back and forth if you liked some other dress out of 20 you tried, and the other mom liked something else too.

It was up to you to push back on the driving, esp since you have a baby. You chose to accommodate but now you feel annoyed. There is a lesson to be learned here.

My DD was looking forward to looking at pretty dresses with her future aunt. So the difference is it would have been a fun activity for my DD and a chance for us all to get to know each other better. That’s why I agreed to go. It was pitched as a fun afternoon for the girls. She clearly just couldn’t wait to choose a dress which is 100% her prerogative and absolutely fine. Just wish she had shared that info beforehand so we could decide if the trip out there was still worth it.

[Anonymous]

I would have had her try on a few more dresses, if she really did want the experience, just for fun. And I would have had lunch with future aunt.

I also would have rolled my eyes at it, but it could have been worse. Sounds like the dress was probably reasonable in looks and cost, while she could have picked something awful and expensive. Or she could have had a little girl try on 100 dresses while tired and hungry.

As far as bridezilla behavior goes, this is low on the totem pole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have had her try on a few more dresses, if she really did want the experience, just for fun. And I would have had lunch with future aunt.

I also would have rolled my eyes at it, but it could have been worse. Sounds like the dress was probably reasonable in looks and cost, while she could have picked something awful and expensive. Or she could have had a little girl try on 100 dresses while tired and hungry.

As far as bridezilla behavior goes, this is low on the totem pole.

My DD asked her to have lunch with us and she said she couldn’t. I took DD to Claire’s afterwards so she got over it. Never driven a 3 hour commute for Claire’s before. I don’t recommend it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who don"t have kids really don't have a clue. I would give her a pass.

+1