Give her a pass because of wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom and have a completely different perspective. I would have been thrilled to be done with the dress shopping in 30 min. I live in the dc area so driving 1.5 hours doesn’t even seem like a big deal. She probably thought she was being nice to give you a chance to see the dress and opine on it. You sound like you are looking for. a reasoN to be offended

This is along the lines I was thinking. Thrilled not to be dragged around the mall! Tell DD...when she tries on the dress...it’s perfect! And 1.5 hrs is not a super long drive. My school drop-offs to work take an hour every morning and I don’t even think about it.

Yuppers. Me, too.

Shopping is not bonding.

[Anonymous]

She should have never made you drive hours for a dress you could have tried on and purchased at a local Nordstrom, or could have ordered and returned FREE in the mail, or to a local Nordstrom, in the event it didn’t fit.

I wouldn’t be annoyed she didn’t want to bond with your DD. Honestly, why do you expect she cares about your DD? To put it bluntly, she doesn’t care, and as another said, she’s an accessory. You wanted to make this relationship happen, and we’re willing to sacrifice 3 hours driving to make it happen. It didn’t, and you’re annoyed. Now you know to adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Thought it would be a nice bonding experience for DD and her new aunt, but it wasn’t

This is the only important part of your post, and you haven't given enough information. What made the get together unpleasant? Many people commit to several hours - especially a one time thing - to get together with people they want to have a relationship with. Not everything is about doing what's most efficient. That's seldom what a relationship is about. Sorry you don't like this young woman, the bride.

[Anonymous]

She was right. I would never buy a flower girl dress without trying it on.

[Anonymous]

I drive 1.5 hours for my hairdresser. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think the whole purposely leaving kids out is really self centered, but that basically describes almost all brides. I remember as a kid going to my uncle (and new aunt's) wedding. She didn't want flower girls or any kids IN the wedding (didn't want the focus to be on anyone but her the entire time---her words to my mother). My mother brought my sister and I to the ceremony (on purpose as my uncle wanted us there). Then had family friends come pick us up and we spent the night at their house (my younger brother was already there). I had kids at my wedding, but provided them with a separate room, kid food and a movie if they wanted to get away from the loud music etc.

[Anonymous]

Geez people, give op a break. Sounds like the future Aunt told future niece it would be a fun afternoon of trying on dresses to see what looks best on the two girls etc. Op and her dd thought they would at least get to chat with bride a bit since they may have only met her in group settings. But they get there and dd just has to try on one dress and dd spends no time with future Aunt who seems really fun. Plus future Aunt doesn’t even want to join them for lunch which makes dd feel bad and thus makes Op feel bad. Hopefully future Aunt is just preoccupied and she’ll end up being a good SIL/Aunt. I’d let it go. Yes

[Anonymous]

I’d be irked, too, OP. Not the biggest deal in the world, but annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, but how would it be any better if you still drove those 3 hours roundtrip and then were stuck in the mall for 3 hours for trying dresses and a joint lunch in some crappy mall eatery?
Your time situation and exhaustion would be even worse.

She probably wanted it to be more personal than just sending an email with a link to the dress. Also, it's very understandable that she pre-chose the dress to avoid having to go back and forth if you liked some other dress out of 20 you tried, and the other mom liked something else too.

It was up to you to push back on the driving, esp since you have a baby. You chose to accommodate but now you feel annoyed. There is a lesson to be learned here.

My DD was looking forward to looking at pretty dresses with her future aunt. So the difference is it would have been a fun activity for my DD and a chance for us all to get to know each other better. That’s why I agreed to go. It was pitched as a fun afternoon for the girls. She clearly just couldn’t wait to choose a dress which is 100% her prerogative and absolutely fine. Just wish she had shared that info beforehand so we could decide if the trip out there was still worth it.

So the bride to be told you it will be "fun afternoon for the girls" - exactly in these words, and then ended it in 30 min? Are you sure you didn't misunderstand her?
I mean what does the bride to be have in common with a very young niece? Unless you are SUPER into other people's kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was right. I would never buy a flower girl dress without trying it on.

This. She probably wanted to see what it looked like before the dress was bought. Most brides want their day to be perfect and I'm sure you went to a lot of effort with detail for your wedding. Once people are past the wedding they somehow think others are crazy with their meticulous attention to detail, however it pays off on the day when it all comes together nicely. I'm sure she just wanted your daughter to look nice on the day and for photo's. She herself may have thought it would be more personal to have a shopping day rather than just sending an email. I mean your daughter is going to be in her wedding. Perhaps she wanted to meet her and bond too. It's a shame you didn't get along.

On top of that she hasn't had children and doesn't know your time is precious. She isn't a mind reader. I'd give her a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have had her try on a few more dresses, if she really did want the experience, just for fun. And I would have had lunch with future aunt.

I also would have rolled my eyes at it, but it could have been worse. Sounds like the dress was probably reasonable in looks and cost, while she could have picked something awful and expensive. Or she could have had a little girl try on 100 dresses while tired and hungry.

As far as bridezilla behavior goes, this is low on the totem pole.

My DD asked her to have lunch with us and she said she couldn’t. I took DD to Claire’s afterwards so she got over it. Never driven a 3 hour commute for Claire’s before. I don’t recommend it!

I'm wondering if something happened during this shopping trip. You said yourself you were exhausted. Perhaps your annoyance shone through and she picked up on it.

It seems like you had different expectations. You thought it was going to be a bonding thing. The bride just wanted to try the dress on to make sure it looked nice. Yes she could have stayed for lunch and most people would have but perhaps something happened that made her not want to.

I'd give her a pass. You'll be spending more time with her in the future and will get to know her better.

[Anonymous]

I don't get these posters saying, she doesn't have kids yet so she doesn't know. "She hasn't had children and thus doesn't know OP's time is precious?" Give me a break.

Everyone's time is precious. I have 4 kids and work fulltime, but that's not why- I'd be irritated if i had none and didn't wirk at all.

But just mildly irritated. I'd get over it but not for the reasons pepole are suggesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. I would never buy a flower girl dress without trying it on.

This. She probably wanted to see what it looked like before the dress was bought. Most brides want their day to be perfect and I'm sure you went to a lot of effort with detail for your wedding. Once people are past the wedding they somehow think others are crazy with their meticulous attention to detail, however it pays off on the day when it all comes together nicely. I'm sure she just wanted your daughter to look nice on the day and for photo's. She herself may have thought it would be more personal to have a shopping day rather than just sending an email. I mean your daughter is going to be in her wedding. Perhaps she wanted to meet her and bond too. It's a shame you didn't get along.

On top of that she hasn't had children and doesn't know your time is precious. She isn't a mind reader. I'd give her a pass.

I think all these people giving the bride a complete pass are crazy. You don’t need to have kids to know that asking someone to drive 1.5 hours each way just to try on a dress that could have been ordered online is totally inconsiderate and thoughtless. If she wanted to see how the dress fit before the wedding she could have FaceTimed or asked you to send pics. The dress was from Nordstrom for goodness sake- easily returnable. To then turn around and not have time for lunch is rich. I would have been extremely annoyed. If she really did pitch it as a way to spend time with my daughter I would have said something about it to her. Not angrily, but I certainly would have told her that I made the effort and spared the time to drive three hours based on my understanding that we were spending the afternoon with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. I would never buy a flower girl dress without trying it on.

This. She probably wanted to see what it looked like before the dress was bought. Most brides want their day to be perfect and I'm sure you went to a lot of effort with detail for your wedding. Once people are past the wedding they somehow think others are crazy with their meticulous attention to detail, however it pays off on the day when it all comes together nicely. I'm sure she just wanted your daughter to look nice on the day and for photo's. She herself may have thought it would be more personal to have a shopping day rather than just sending an email. I mean your daughter is going to be in her wedding. Perhaps she wanted to meet her and bond too. It's a shame you didn't get along.

On top of that she hasn't had children and doesn't know your time is precious. She isn't a mind reader. I'd give her a pass.

I think all these people giving the bride a complete pass are crazy. You don’t need to have kids to know that asking someone to drive 1.5 hours each way just to try on a dress that could have been ordered online is totally inconsiderate and thoughtless. If she wanted to see how the dress fit before the wedding she could have FaceTimed or asked you to send pics. The dress was from Nordstrom for goodness sake- easily returnable. To then turn around and not have time for lunch is rich. I would have been extremely annoyed. If she really did pitch it as a way to spend time with my daughter I would have said something about it to her. Not angrily, but I certainly would have told her that I made the effort and spared the time to drive three hours based on my understanding that we were spending the afternoon with her.

+1

If OP posted as the bride, she’d have been flamed to the ends of the earth for doing this.

[Anonymous]

You are nicer than me OP. With an infant at home I would have declined the trip in the first place.