How much time do you spend thinking about what your kid would be like without his/her disability?

[Anonymous]

If any? I have definitely had moments where I wondered what things I could have done to alter the fact that DS has his disorder but never spent any time imagining what he would be like if he didn't have it . Lately though I can't stop thinking about how it's so unfair that he is punished in this way.

[Anonymous]

I can honestly say I never think about it. I do think about the amount of money we spend and time we put into things, but DC is DC and the disability is part of who DC is.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what's going on with your child. Early on, constantly. Now, very little as it minimally impacts him and he's learned to adjust. But, if it was more severe now, I'd worry a lot. I never thought about the money. We were ok spending everything we had to hopefully make things easier later on. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Once in awhile I think what if, but then I wonder if he would have the same huge caring heart, wonderful sense of humor and curious and creative mind that he has right now. I wouldn't want to trade any of that for "normalcy".

I also realize that certain things in our lives have transpired specifically bc of his disabilities (positive things that have made our lives better) and we would have never experienced those things or be where we are if he wasn't who he is.

Finally- I am a much more empathetic and understanding person than when I was younger. He has made me a better person -I am less judgmental, less selfish and more caring and I am thankful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If any? I have definitely had moments where I wondered what things I could have done to alter the fact that DS has his disorder but never spent any time imagining what he would be like if he didn't have it . Lately though I can't stop thinking about how it's so unfair that he is punished in this way.

I don't think of my kid as being punished.

My kid does have to work harder at many things that come easily to most of his peers. But I've learned he has some strengths that most do not either.

Therapy (for me) helped me change my mindset. I wasted too much time wondering what if but moved past that after a few years.

[Anonymous]

I never think about it. First, we can’t know what they would be like. It’s only speculation. Plus you wcould never know if the differences would be good or bad.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can help my son be as successful and independent as possible. But that’s where it ends.

[Anonymous]

My child is gifted and learning disabled. The chasm between his verbal/math skills and his working memory/processing speed is, according to his psychologists, so enormous that it's exceedingly rare.

It is a complete rabbit hole to think about what would happen if that chasm was smaller, or his disabilities less handicapping. All the missed opportunities. All the wonderful enriching options that seem to be within arms' reach, that his classmates achieve so painlessly, yet which he cannot reach. And above all, he wouldn't feel SO BAD about himself. He feels so out of sync with the world!

It makes me physically ill when I think about it, actually, so I'm getting off this thread.

[Anonymous]

Never once. I've spent plenty of time worrying about figuring out what was going on, how to fix things at school, what treatments to do or providers to see, etc. And I occasionally worry about the future, though we seem to be on an okay track right now. But it is such as part of who he is that I've never considered an alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My child is gifted and learning disabled. The chasm between his verbal/math skills and his working memory/processing speed is, according to his psychologists, so enormous that it's exceedingly rare.

It is a complete rabbit hole to think about what would happen if that chasm was smaller, or his disabilities less handicapping. All the missed opportunities. All the wonderful enriching options that seem to be within arms' reach, that his classmates achieve so painlessly, yet which he cannot reach. And above all, he wouldn't feel SO BAD about himself. He feels so out of sync with the world!

It makes me physically ill when I think about it, actually, so I'm getting off this thread.

I have a similar kid and I think about it, too. In fantastical ways, like wouldn't it be great if I could trade some of the gifts to fix some of the deficits--bringing him closer to average. On bad days, or in bad periods, I do think about how hard his life has been, how much he has had to suffer already, and how tough the particulars of his issues are: if he weren't so bright, he wouldn't be so frustrated at his processing speed and motor challenges; if he weren't so perceptive, he wouldn't be so aware of his differences and his failures; if he weren't so sensitive, he wouldn't suffer so much. And so on.

I am grateful for his amazing gifts and admire him so much for his courage and persistence. I don't spend a lot of time wallowing in negative thoughts because it isn't productive but I do have them.

[Anonymous]

None.

[Anonymous]

I don't think about how my child would be without the disability. Its just a part of DC. But I do worry about what the future holds, especially when I have health scares.

[Anonymous]

I never think about it. My kid is my kid. I sometimes think about what it be like to have a completely different kid, but then I wouldn't have the child I love, so I think that would be bad.

[Anonymous]

are people serious? Maybe it depends on the disability. I still think about it. My kids have mood disorder and ADHD and social deficits, and they hurt. And so I think of it. But less than I used to because I went to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are people serious? Maybe it depends on the disability. I still think about it. My kids have mood disorder and ADHD and social deficits, and they hurt. And so I think of it. But less than I used to because I went to therapy.

Yes - this obviously is related to how impacted your kid is. For mine it’s not like something minor I could remove - he cannot do certain things and never will. So I can’t imagine him differently. I’d be imagining an entirely different child.

[Anonymous]

When my child was very little, yes. I set goals in my head "By age 5, Larla will walk." Now that she's older, disability is an innate part of her. A child with a lifelong disability is so affected by it there is no way that you can simply 'edit' away the disability.