Frugal hoarder relatives constantly pushing used items

[Anonymous]

So my aunt is crazy frugal yet not a minimalist. She hoards and is constantly acquiring stuff at garage sales or when someone posts something free on next door. She is being forced to downsize because she basically built her storage on someone else's property. We have been clear that we are happy to help her take things to goodwill or dispose of items to another charity. I have told her multiple times that we do not want any of these things, I have said that we do not need anything. I have said that we are reducing our own clutter. I have told her that our kids are picky about their things and neither need or want anything. Many. Many. Times.

Last trip home from a family gathering, kids come home with broken appliances and box of broken electronics. Previously she had snuck old stuffed animals into their bags and told them not to tell their parents about them. The kids don't want these so once we are in the car they tell us. I have told her to stop doing this and basically I will need to start searching the car before we leave anywhere she is attending.

The latest is quite funny. She sends a text that she is still working on getting rid of things and found a bunch of bras and lounge wear outfits that are in great shape that she wants to give my daughter. It clearly occurs to her at some point while writing this that my DD is too skinny and would have no interest in these things so she adds that DD could bring them all to school and hand them out to her friends. Suffice to say that my teenage daughter was not interested in doing this.

This is followed in quick succession by more texts with pictures of ugly shoes that goes on and on about being so adorable and super expensive when she bought them. One pair has a price tag sticker in view for $17.99. I respond no thank you politely but I know that this will not be the end of this.

So my question is whether anyone had a good polite response to turning down junk. I'd like to have several canned responses ready for the next 10 times. Or better if you have a relative like this did you ever get them to stop trying to send junk to your house?

[Anonymous]

She isn't hearing a thing that you say. Maybe it's time to return the favor. When she offers your 13 year old daughter size XXL lingerie say "Sure." Then take it straight to the dumpster. I don't think Goodwill takes underwear. Otherwise I'd take it there.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this. Take it and dump it. She will not listen to reason and she cannot make herself throw it away.

[Anonymous]

She has a mental illness and nothing you've said in the past has worked, so give up on the hope of coming up with any magic words that would stop her from doing what she does. I'd either put things back in her house or take them straight to the dumpster.

[Anonymous]

I would try to remind myself when dealing with her that she most likely has a mental disorder of some sort so your rational, reasonable reasoning with her will never make sense to her. You will just keep walking in these circles.
She isn't going to change. This is how she is. Just change how you respond/handle the situation.

I would stop giving her reasons and excuses. "No thank you." is full and complete and nothing more is needed.

Or choose to accept things and donate/throw away yourself. I feel like this is a slippery slope where she will start giving you more and more thinking you actually want or need these things.

[Anonymous]

And just think to yourself that you are throwing away these things now, which will lighten the load when she has to move or passes away.

[Anonymous]

I am dying with laughter at the idea that your teenage daughter is going to take a bunch of ratty old bras to school and hand them around!!!

Agree with PPs. Just tell her no, she will foist things into you, and then you will throw them out. Consider it that you’re doing her the favor of not agonizing over that handful of stuff.

[Anonymous]

It's a mental illness. You can tell her you Marie Kondo'd your home and are not taking in any more items (even if it's a lie). The bra thing is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to remind myself when dealing with her that she most likely has a mental disorder of some sort so your rational, reasonable reasoning with her will never make sense to her. You will just keep walking in these circles.
She isn't going to change. This is how she is. Just change how you respond/handle the situation.

I would stop giving her reasons and excuses. "No thank you." is full and complete and nothing more is needed.

Or choose to accept things and donate/throw away yourself. I feel like this is a slippery slope where she will start giving you more and more thinking you actually want or need these things.

This is good advice, OP. Take it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that there has come about a "once in a lifetime" opportunity to be a good and generous humanitarian. A ONE TIME shipment is going to the victims of the latest natural disaster in a far off country and you will take "ANYTHING" that she can spare for these people. Clothes, books, appliances, toys, decorations, household items... Then take the whole bulk of it and donate to the Goodwill farthest from .

She has a mental condition but she finds "value" in the treasures that she has found. She will let it go only when she is able to be the generous giver and feel satisfaction for all she has spent.

Then make her promise that she will not get anymore stuff because the other charity you will be supporting will only take "money".

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. I tell her I don't want anything, but I don't fuss if she gives me stuff. I take it to Goodwill or trash it.

[Anonymous]

OP - here. I think I'll take the advice to just keep saying no thank you or to add that we will take it to Goodwill.

I can't take it and then send it to Goodwill without lots of drama following.

She has a big aversion to throwing anything out or giving it to Goodwill. She doesn't want anyone that she doesn't know to "score a deal" off her. She is difficult about giving to charity because she always to over value things significantly to feel that she isn't a taking a complete loss.

If I accept something , she will ask about where it is often and view it as a big favor so basically any crazy thing that she wants gets embedded with and I gave XYZ that was so lovely. If I slip and say that we donated it she will get upset and go on and on how other relatives would have wanted it (completely untrue of course). She's in her late 50s not elderly so this isn't about needing to help an elderly relative who will be passing soon.

She's just really, really strange. Its almost like obsessive opportunism. She doesn't hoard animals or trash and she seems to want to give things to relatives so its not as if she can't part with the junk. I think she is fueled more by getting a great deal and attaching strings to her junk give away gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this. I tell her I don't want anything, but I don't fuss if she gives me stuff. I take it to Goodwill or trash it.

I do exactly the same with my MIL.

[Anonymous]

“ It’s junk. I don’t want it.” Don’t argue back when she says it’s not. Just smile and change the subject.

It might hurt her feelings once or twice but she will realize you aren’t going to appreciate it so she will stop the offers. They truly believe this stuff is valuable and will be loved by someone.

[Anonymous]

Just accept it and throw it away.