Kids trading stuff at school - Need Advice

[Anonymous]

A parent sent me an e-mail because her son, Larlo, said my DS took his toy out of his backpack. My DS told me that Larlo said he could take the toy and trade him for something. The parent went on that this is Larlo's very favorite toy and would I please talk to my DS about returning it? Of course we will return it. But I am irritated. If this toy was so special, why is Larlo allowed to take it to school?

I just need advice on how to respond to this parent. I don't want to be rude/snarky but at the same time I don't want my DS to take all the blame for this when clearly the toy should never have been brought to school. How would you respond? TIA!

[Anonymous]

I would say - sorry about that, DS will return it ASAP.

You are taking it way too seriously.

[Anonymous]

My DS is on both ends of this all the time. I've never asked for anything back, I tell him: you know you weren't supposed to take it to school. Or, if he's about to take something and I see it, I remind him that he's lost them before and if they matter to him not to take them.

When he's taken stuff from others whether it's because he's been given them, or asked for them, or traded them, I make a point of telling him that the kid might change his mind or their parents might not like the trade. DS is resistant at first but has returned items without us being told/asked.

I'm annoyed on your behalf that she did that, but parents can be weird about this stuff. Just say: will do. And let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say - sorry about that, DS will return it ASAP.

You are taking it way too seriously.

forgot to add, I would als day the boys traded so could they please return your son’s toy also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say - sorry about that, DS will return it ASAP.

You are taking it way too seriously.

This. It doesn't matter that your son is "being blamed" for this. Kids do this, they don't always understand what it means. Honestly, you just say, "Sorry, the boys traded toys, but DS will return Larlo's toy tomorrow and get his toy back."

Of course, if your son didn't give Larlo anything in return, then it wasn't really a trade. And your son returns the toy.

[Anonymous]

Did your son actually have a toy at school that he traded for or your son took the toy from the other boy with a promise that he would eventually bring the other boy something?
It sounds like your kid went home with a toy he tricked the other boy into giving him and the other boy went home with nothing. You aren't accepting your kid swindled the other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your son actually have a toy at school that he traded for or your son took the toy from the other boy with a promise that he would eventually bring the other boy something?
It sounds like your kid went home with a toy he tricked the other boy into giving him and the other boy went home with nothing. You aren't accepting your kid swindled the other kid.

People like you who attribute bad intent to kids annoy me. THEY'RE KIDS. Even if her kid took the toy home, the kid doesn't understand that what he did is wrong. Parents will explain, and he'll do it three more times before he gets it. Kids don't sit and think about swindling others. $hit happens. Teach your kids to not take stuff to school if you're so terrified of them being swindled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your son actually have a toy at school that he traded for or your son took the toy from the other boy with a promise that he would eventually bring the other boy something?
It sounds like your kid went home with a toy he tricked the other boy into giving him and the other boy went home with nothing. You aren't accepting your kid swindled the other kid.

People like you who attribute bad intent to kids annoy me. THEY'RE KIDS. Even if her kid took the toy home, the kid doesn't understand that what he did is wrong. Parents will explain, and he'll do it three more times before he gets it. Kids don't sit and think about swindling others. $hit happens. Teach your kids to not take stuff to school if you're so terrified of them being swindled.

Don't feed the troll. There's someone (or people) who go around and immediately criticize the OP no matter what. Then they proceed to say "We're not getting all the facts here" as a way to undermine OP and reframe the thread in whatever light makes OP appear the worst.

[Anonymous]

There was almost, if not exact, same post a couple of months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was almost, if not exact, same post a couple of months ago.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/772737.page

Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

[Anonymous]

I would just say sorry and make your kid give it back and tell your kid no matter this other kid says again he’s not to trade with him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your son actually have a toy at school that he traded for or your son took the toy from the other boy with a promise that he would eventually bring the other boy something?
It sounds like your kid went home with a toy he tricked the other boy into giving him and the other boy went home with nothing. You aren't accepting your kid swindled the other kid.

My son was the one who was "swindled" and I think it was a good lesson for him. The other kid convinced him to give him one of his better Pokemon cards and the kid said he would bring a card my kid wanted tomorrow. Guess what the kid never brought? Then the kid wouldn't give my kid back his card. I'm actually glad it happened--it taught my kid to not trade something important to him unless the other kid has the object in hand. I wouldn't dream about getting the other parent involved, though.

OP, I wouldn't spend time worrying about this. Just tell the other parent you'll be happy to send it back with your kid. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

My 3rd grade son was in class with a kid who bugged him everyday to "trade" for his stuff (lunch items, and other things). It drove my son crazy to have to say no every day and be bugged and bugged by the kid. I have never seen my kid so bothered. I hope this isn't your kids story OP.

[Anonymous]

My kids (now 5th and 2nd graders) have both been through this and my 2nd grader is in the middle of it. I tell my kids that they are fully responsible for anything that they voluntarily bring to school - I will not replace anything that is broken, stolen, lost, damaged, or given away. On the other hand, I also let them know that anything they get from another kid is subject to return upon request of the kid or parents. They are both fine with these rules and proceed accordingly.

If my kids come home with anything that appears to have actual value (e.g., the $20 my first grader came home with one day), I do reach out to the parents and offer to "unwind" the transaction.

Also, in some cases, kids do "swindle" other kids, but there have been many times when my second grader tells me that they are brining in X because friend gave them Y yesterday. So some kids are good about keeping their promises.

[Anonymous]

Kids do this all the time and as parents, we need to step in. I don't hold the kids responsible at all... nor do I blame the mom at ALL for asking for it back. I would completely do the same. My daughter and her friends traded stuff too especially in around 2nd grade time. I told her and my son, we don't trade anything without asking me first.. and many items I found in their backpacks went right back to school and I told them they HAD to return them. It's not the kids place to decide what items their parents bought could be given away. Anything of value would always be sent back.." I don't care what they told you, we are not taking someone else's toys, makeup bag, beanie boo, etc".

After a few of those situations, my kids learned. I also told them, if they give something away and I find out, they are in trouble. You can share candy, you can share time... anything else, is run by mom or dad first.

A couple times, I emailed the neighbor "did your daughter mean to give Julie her bear beanie boo".. then would usually get "no, but it's not a big deal if she wants it".. on those rare occasions when I knew the mom, maybe my kid kept.. but I can think of like 2 of those situations.

Kids have no idea of "value" so easy rule is candy and time.. anything else, has to traded by parents.