How would you respond to this email?

[Anonymous]

Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DS to give the toy back because the friend wasn't allowed to trade. Done.

[Anonymous]

“Sounds good. I’ll put the toy in Larlo’s backpack tomorrow morning, or would you like me to leave it on your porch tonight?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

The mom is a jerk. Kids do this. I'd address it but would not let the accusation go unaddressed.

But, I'd respond with something like:
" Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. So, I don't really appreciate the accusation that Larlo took Larloo's toy.

If you would like XXX toy back, that's totally fine. I'll send it to school or drop it of on (XX) day and if you would please do the same with Larlo's toy, that would be great. I think we should probably speak to the kids about not trading toys in the future. Thanks."

The caveat to the above is you should make sure it was a trade or that the toy was GIVEN (and not taken) the friend. As I said, kids do this. Mine has traded all sorts of things with friends. The mom grossly overreacted.

[Anonymous]

"Cool. Wasn't aware they had traded toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. Happy holidays!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Cool. Wasn't aware they had traded toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. Happy holidays!"

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Cool. Wasn't aware they had traded toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. Happy holidays!"

This plus “can you ask your DS to do the same.” Yes, I’d be iirked by that email. But I wouldn’t let it show.

[Anonymous]

Simply write, "He will return the toy tomorrow." Don't explain, don't apologize. Then avoid this mom afterward. She is clearly a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

“Thanks for letting me know. They can trade back tomorrow (I think Larlo traded his x for larloo’s y.”)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Cool. Wasn't aware they had traded toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. Happy holidays!"

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simply write, "He will return the toy tomorrow." Don't explain, don't apologize. Then avoid this mom afterward. She is clearly a drama queen.

Agree. No need to apologize. I once had a mom scream at me about issues our DCs were having in class. I had already addressed with my DC and the school but this person expected an apology. We haven’t spoken since.
People think kids are entitled these days but it has to come from somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simply write, "He will return the toy tomorrow." Don't explain, don't apologize. Then avoid this mom afterward. She is clearly a drama queen.

And absolutely ask her to return your sons toy too!

“Okay, he will return the toy tomorrow. Please make sure that Larlo also brings DS’ toy. We can talk to the kids about not trading toys in the future.”

[Anonymous]

“They apparently traded toys. I will have [my son] bring in [your son]’s toy tomorrow. Can you have yours do the same so they can trade back?”

Then I’d tell my son that the other kid wasn’t allowed to trade that toy, so he has to trade back. And remind him not to bring toys into school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son).

Your kid lied about not taking toys to school, so what makes you think he's not telling a tall tale about this "trade?" Give the lady the benefit of the doubt and give her kid's toy back.

[Anonymous]

Send the toy, ask for the other toy back. Search your kid before school.

Agree that you are most likely not getting the whole story here.