Birthday snub the teenage years...

[Anonymous]

My (15) dd's "best friend" didn't invite dd to her birthday party. She did invote all the "cool" kids who up until about a month ago couldn't be bothered to give the birthday girl the time of day.
I'm heartbroken for dd. DD has bent over backwards to be a good friend to this kid and I feel so bad for dd. What do I say to dd?
What I want to say is not the adult thing to say!
Help.

[Anonymous]

That she's no longer her friend and to find other friends. Your sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry op

If I were you I would tell her that her friend's actions reveal her insecurity and lack of confidence in herself

For now, it if ok to be upset, but she might have to reevaluate how much she invests in this friendship going forward

She can't control other people. All she can do is be sure that she is a good person even if she can't expect the same from others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That she's no longer her friend and to find other friends. Your sorry.

This. Hold her while she cries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (15) dd's "best friend" didn't invite dd to her birthday party. She did invote all the "cool" kids who up until about a month ago couldn't be bothered to give the birthday girl the time of day.
I'm heartbroken for dd. DD has bent over backwards to be a good friend to this kid and I feel so bad for dd. What do I say to dd?
What I want to say is not the adult thing to say!
Help.

What does this mean? Did she stand up for her when the other girls excluded/bullied her? Did your DD & the other girl just start a school with lots of new classmates (at a public high school that has several middle schools feeding into it, for example, or as ninth graders at a K-12 private school)?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. This is tough.

Hug her and be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (15) dd's "best friend" didn't invite dd to her birthday party. She did invote all the "cool" kids who up until about a month ago couldn't be bothered to give the birthday girl the time of day.
I'm heartbroken for dd. DD has bent over backwards to be a good friend to this kid and I feel so bad for dd. What do I say to dd?
What I want to say is not the adult thing to say!
Help.

What does this mean? Did she stand up for her when the other girls excluded/bullied her? Did your DD & the other girl just start a school with lots of new classmates (at a public high school that has several middle schools feeding into it, for example, or as ninth graders at a K-12 private school)?

The friend needs lots of hand-holding. So dd helps her study or will go with her to a party that the friend really wants to go to or dd will call me to pick up the kid when mom has kicked her out of the house because they are fighting. The girls are always on their phones with each other and dd is the phone call when the boy who girl likes doesn’t like her back. Just good friend stuff. This friend also calls dd her besti but clearly it means something different to her.
And actually dd has had her back when stuff isn’t great at school but that is more about going with her to talk to a teacher if there is a problem. I wouldn’t say the cool kids bullied her they just weren’t friends so she was not invited to their parties .
They have been friends for 3+ yrs . There are a bunch of new kids because it is an expansion year. Some of those kids were invited .

[Anonymous]

I saw a story about a similar situation here recently. I will try to find it later.

Hang in there - She will find new and better friends!

[Anonymous]

I was in your daughter's shoes. Honestly one of the best things my mom did was NOT go about it the adult way. She basically called her a bitch (didn't use the actual word), a status climber, etc. It really helped to just have her say what I was thinking but couldn't say. Then my mom helped me realize that this friend was a user and selfish. She used me for things like your daughter did for this friend, and the second she got a chance to move up the social ladder, she no longer needed me.

So yeah, I say don't go the sugar coating "it will all be ok " route. Just confirm with her that her former friend sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry op

If I were you I would tell her that her friend's actions reveal her insecurity and lack of confidence in herself

For now, it if ok to be upset, but she might have to reevaluate how much she invests in this friendship going forward

She can't control other people. All she can do is be sure that she is a good person even if she can't expect the same from others

+1 This exactly. Sorry OP, teen years are tough.

[Anonymous]

Does you daughter have other friends?

[Anonymous]

tell her that it's fine to be upset and help her decide if she wants to talk to friend about it. Teen girls are the worst. You can be honest about how what the friend did was hurtful and mean but be the adult by not devolving into just bashing the friend endlessly. Keep the focus on validating your daughters feelings and helping her talk through what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does you daughter have other friends?

Yes. But not others she considers best friends.

[Anonymous]

Confirm she should lose this friend and not be so helpful anymore.

[Anonymous]

All of the above - acknowledge her hurt feelings and that she’s justified in feeling the way she does.

I think there is a good to better chance that this “friend” will come crawling back sometime. if so, help your DD come up with the way to tell this person how hurt she was to be dropped so easily and that “friend” will have to understand that it will take time for DD to come back to the level of friendship “friend” wants.