Birthday snub the teenage years...

[Anonymous]

It sucks when you are the one being left behind, but reshuffling of friendships is something that happens in middle school, throughout high school and even in college

It happens, it stings, but it is not abnormal or means that the other kid is an awful, social climbing b***.

It just means that she is awkward and graceless with handling changing social dynamics.

This is an opportunity for your kid to grow and enrich herself with new friends who better fit the person she is becoming, not the kid she was as a tween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I can’t believe no one said this but it sounds like the kid and your dd drifted apart before the party. The reason for it stinks (she’s going after the popular crowd) but I bet if you looked for it, you’d find lots of examples in the weeks before the party: didn’t respond to texts, responded but not wordy, didn’t communicate as often, didn’t call, calls but they were short, didn’t ask to get together.

The birthday girl may have been limited with whom she could invite and she asked her newer friends. It stinks but it may or may not be the end of the friendship. Your dd should be guarded with this gal and look for LOTS of different friends. You’re hearing all this from your dd’s Perspective obviously but there may be two sides. Maybe your dd was clingy. Maybe these other girls are really nice. Maybe something happened with the girls and your dd doesn’t even know the friend felt slighted.

op here... texting and communication leading up to party was as prolific as ever...We will see how it is this week after the party. But I would bet money bg acts like its just another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. So many of you are worse than teenagers. OP, I was blown off by my best friend in a cruel way at age 13 or so. It sucked, I cried a lot, and it would have helped if my parents had normalized the experience for me (sorry that happened, even friends make mistakes, relationships change) and encouraged me (she is the one making a mistake, this happens to lots of people and you will find your group again). I did recover and did find new wonderful friends. By senior year in high school previous best friend was hanging out with some people in my "friend group", and by the end of the year we were friends again, though not close.

Moving on through college and adulthood she has been one of my most cherished friends. We never talked specifically about the "break up" other than she did mention the period of her life when she was trying very hard to fit into the popular group as being her unhappiest. I never relished hearing that, never felt smug or that she got her due karma. I felt badly for her, because growing up is hard.

The adults on here hoping this girl will suffer one day are a-holes. Do not model them.

I don't want anything bad to happen to the girl, but I am willing to meet up with OP & her DD to toilet paper the birthday girl's house the night of the party.

Ha! This made me laugh because in the part of the country where I grew up, people only did this as a show of affection to people they liked! It actually would have been sad to have been the kid in my high school who never had your house TPd at least twice a year by friends or a guy who liked you and his friends!

Yes!

She must be old if she things toilet papering is an insult.

op here---I am old and I thought it was a mean thing to do ...why would you make your friends clean up toilet paper? ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. So many of you are worse than teenagers. OP, I was blown off by my best friend in a cruel way at age 13 or so. It sucked, I cried a lot, and it would have helped if my parents had normalized the experience for me (sorry that happened, even friends make mistakes, relationships change) and encouraged me (she is the one making a mistake, this happens to lots of people and you will find your group again). I did recover and did find new wonderful friends. By senior year in high school previous best friend was hanging out with some people in my "friend group", and by the end of the year we were friends again, though not close.

Moving on through college and adulthood she has been one of my most cherished friends. We never talked specifically about the "break up" other than she did mention the period of her life when she was trying very hard to fit into the popular group as being her unhappiest. I never relished hearing that, never felt smug or that she got her due karma. I felt badly for her, because growing up is hard.

The adults on here hoping this girl will suffer one day are a-holes. Do not model them.

I don't want anything bad to happen to the girl, but I am willing to meet up with OP & her DD to toilet paper the birthday girl's house the night of the party.

Ha! This made me laugh because in the part of the country where I grew up, people only did this as a show of affection to people they liked! It actually would have been sad to have been the kid in my high school who never had your house TPd at least twice a year by friends or a guy who liked you and his friends!

Yes!

She must be old if she things toilet papering is an insult.

op here---I am old and I thought it was a mean thing to do ...why would you make your friends clean up toilet paper? ?

PP here who suggested I would help tp bg's house. I grew up in the south and it was done as both an insult and sometimes as the general negative attention that preteen/teen boys provide to girls when they don't know how else to interact. It was never the same as flowers though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. So many of you are worse than teenagers. OP, I was blown off by my best friend in a cruel way at age 13 or so. It sucked, I cried a lot, and it would have helped if my parents had normalized the experience for me (sorry that happened, even friends make mistakes, relationships change) and encouraged me (she is the one making a mistake, this happens to lots of people and you will find your group again). I did recover and did find new wonderful friends. By senior year in high school previous best friend was hanging out with some people in my "friend group", and by the end of the year we were friends again, though not close.

Moving on through college and adulthood she has been one of my most cherished friends. We never talked specifically about the "break up" other than she did mention the period of her life when she was trying very hard to fit into the popular group as being her unhappiest. I never relished hearing that, never felt smug or that she got her due karma. I felt badly for her, because growing up is hard.

The adults on here hoping this girl will suffer one day are a-holes. Do not model them.

I don't want anything bad to happen to the girl, but I am willing to meet up with OP & her DD to toilet paper the birthday girl's house the night of the party.

OP here. Appreciate the sentiment. It stings even more because everyone at the party who dd knows, keeps asking her why she wasn't there and when she says she wasn't invited they tell her how weird that was.
At least the party is over now.

I'm glad that your DD told the truth that she wasn't invited and didn't cover for the BG. Are there any clubs your DD could join to make new friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the night of the party....no social media. She’ll see it the next day or so but not that night. Gurls night out with fg her, movie, dinner, whatever. Just keep her away from the snaps and texts. Been there this is very important. Hugs.

Not OP, but this is good advice, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP.

My daughter hasn't gotten to this point yet - I know she was excluded from a couple of birthday parties this year (she's 12) but it didn't seem to faze her b/c she'd been growing away from some of those girls.

Would your daughter be comfortable talking to her "friend"? I know we've all been brought up not to have that sort of conversation (i.e. - it's not polite), but this is different IMO.

I wouldn't force the issue, but if she's open to it, I'd role play with her. It's good for her to learn to stand up for herself and not be afraid of conflict when it's warranted.

Just my $.02

I'm sorry...but I honestly don't understand this approach. What is there to say? Why invite the awkwardness of stating what is already obviously a clear message of "yeah, I preferred to celebrate my birthday with these new friends to the exclusion of you"
Is this going to help OP's DD have clarity? Is there something that the friend could possibly say that would make this...better? Best case scenario she will say something like "sorry...I just didn't think you really fit in with the rest of that group so I didn't think you'd want to come..." which is pretty crappy even if true. Because bottom line is that the birthday girl picked these new friends over the DD.

Move on. Don't confront on matters like this. Take your cue and minimize the interactions. You don't have to do it angrily. But there is no need for a conversation about this unless the point is it make the birthday girl have to say "i'm sorry" (she clearly isn't) and force her to offer some lame explanation that could end up rubbing more salt in the wound.

I'd confront it if the so-called BF wants to pick up texts, hanging out after the party, which is what OP thinks is going to happen. I think it's ok to let someone know when they've been a crappy friend and move on from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I can’t believe no one said this but it sounds like the kid and your dd drifted apart before the party. The reason for it stinks (she’s going after the popular crowd) but I bet if you looked for it, you’d find lots of examples in the weeks before the party: didn’t respond to texts, responded but not wordy, didn’t communicate as often, didn’t call, calls but they were short, didn’t ask to get together.

The birthday girl may have been limited with whom she could invite and she asked her newer friends. It stinks but it may or may not be the end of the friendship. Your dd should be guarded with this gal and look for LOTS of different friends. You’re hearing all this from your dd’s Perspective obviously but there may be two sides. Maybe your dd was clingy. Maybe these other girls are really nice. Maybe something happened with the girls and your dd doesn’t even know the friend felt slighted.

op here... texting and communication leading up to party was as prolific as ever...We will see how it is this week after the party. But I would bet money bg acts like its just another day.

You ignored everything else in the post. You’re looking to find a problem instead of looking to see that there may be another side to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I can’t believe no one said this but it sounds like the kid and your dd drifted apart before the party. The reason for it stinks (she’s going after the popular crowd) but I bet if you looked for it, you’d find lots of examples in the weeks before the party: didn’t respond to texts, responded but not wordy, didn’t communicate as often, didn’t call, calls but they were short, didn’t ask to get together.

The birthday girl may have been limited with whom she could invite and she asked her newer friends. It stinks but it may or may not be the end of the friendship. Your dd should be guarded with this gal and look for LOTS of different friends. You’re hearing all this from your dd’s Perspective obviously but there may be two sides. Maybe your dd was clingy. Maybe these other girls are really nice. Maybe something happened with the girls and your dd doesn’t even know the friend felt slighted.

Op here . Sorry I thought “texting and communication were prolific” covered it. Maybe the guest list was limited but I know from other parents in the grade it was a big party. They were hanging out at school and after school the same as always the two weeks leading up to party. There may have been signs but I (and dd) can’t see them even with hindsight.
DD has lots of friends . I said it elsewhere she gets along with most everyone. She doesn’t have other friends that she considers a best friend. And I know that who your best friend is changes too. It’s just a rotten way to find out one of the people you were closest to doesn’t feel the same about you, or doesn’t care about how you might feel.

I don’t wish evil on the kid. I just feel bad for my kid, who has to rethink a relationship she thought was great and reciprocal.



op here... texting and communication leading up to party was as prolific as ever...We will see how it is this week after the party. But I would bet money bg acts like its just another day.

You ignored everything else in the post. You’re looking to find a problem instead of looking to see that there may be another side to this.